Searching For The Next Move Wont Help: God's The Answer?

I've come to a conclusion these days...people expect for everything to be solved with God and religion. Is this actually true that it will? No. If you know me, you would know that I am a very religious Muslim man. I praise God and thank him daily for all that he has done for me and my family. We're very blessed. But that being said...even during times of poverty, sadness, and whatever else the world throws at people to have them in a state of needing an answer...we prayed to God for help in doing what we needed to do and went out and did it ourselves hoping he would be there. But what is the main point there? That we didn't use God as a crutch or to put everything on him, like he's going to magically come down and throw us a million dollars with some answers to questions.

And that's what I think is wrong today with some of the people out there. Not to mention the nuts in these mega-churches that think the pastor/reverend is some kind of messiah or prophet. Can someone explain to me when it became God's job to fix your relationship or take you out of your situation? That's crazy talk to me. I say God is there in order to guide us in the right direction, not to come from the sky with baby milk since you spent the money on the club. Yes, I know there are tons of families out there in bad situations because of chance or life...but that still doesn't give them a reason to go and put everything in hopes that God will save them without them putting in some work also. Pastors say it all the time, "God helps those that help themselves". Putting all your cards on God while holding your weed in one hand, a bottle of Ciroc in the other, and crying about not being able to make it out the projects after losing your job and not having enough money to pay the mortgage instead of doing your best to solve the issue (even if it includes filling for Bankruptcy) is what will lead to a long line of living on the edge. Once saw a woman with a kid on True Life (on MTV)...her income (which was only from child support) couldn't pay all of her bills (though she lived alone instead searching for someone to live with). How did she manage? She would randomly end up with money each month from different sources. How long can you last like that?

When i was younger, I heard someone say that Christianity is the poor man's religion. When you think about such a statement, the first thing that should come to mind is the fact that so many Americans are Christians (from all kinds of economic levels). Then you might stop and think...hold on...are we considering Christianity to be all sects, or are we diving them up? I know I don't consider Catholics to be the same (especially after going to a Catholic church). But then you think about all the people in low income neighborhoods that rely on God for everything. Makes you wonder why the ratio of higher economic people are in churches less often and talk about it less...or is it just based on the specific cultures they belong to. And honestly, I agree....Christianity is the poor man's religion. I can go on for days making little points about why, but that will end will an extra long post lol. Think about it yourself and tell me what you think. Does religion (all religions included) give an excuse for people in bad situations to stay there? Is it a way for people to pass the blame of their situation and what has happened to them? Or is it just the personality of those individuals all wrong??

Wonder how real or valid the below pictures are....? And if they are valid, I see a connection between economy and religion lol

Story Time (By memory): There once was a woman that was lost at sea in a small boat. Away from everyone and no way to call for help, she waited for a sign from God. A ship came by and saw her in need of help. She told him : "No thank you, God is coming to help me and will provide a sign". The ship left along with the crew. Another ship came and saw her. When they came close, she told them: "No thank you. I'll be ok. God will save me and show me a sign". As time passed...the woman died. When she got to heaven she asked God: "Hey, I was in need of your help, why didn't you save me or show me a sign?". Then God replied: "I did send you signs, I sent two ships that wanted to save you."

Do You Feel That Draft?: The Shay Affect

So some of you readers know who I am in real life. Some of you only know me online. But if you know me long enough, you would have known that I was never the suave guy that had all the ladies (but my charm now definitely can win them over). For some reason people that didn't know me thought I had all the ladies, but so far from true lol. Most people will agree...we chase the ones we want, while the one we should want is chasing us. That was my case in many ways. Still kinda is, but everything I do or don't do is for a reason now. But where am I going with this? Today someone popped into my head. A female that meant a lot to me. Yes...this is me sharing again lol. Don't get use to it though. I really don't care to share my love life, but this is something that I felt was needed to be shared.

Who is she? What does she mean to me? What happened? Her name WAS Taisha Shay. She meant the world to me at one point (or that is what I felt, who knows if it was me being young and dumb), and what happened is a long story lol, so I'll give the just of it. We met when I was playing video games in my dorm room (which we had an open door/ walk-in policy). She walked in and said hello (She wore a fitted shirt and blue jeans skirt that was kinda long). After some jokes and flirting that day it became a regular routine for us. Once I knew she was single (she messed with some guy on and off), I jumped at my chance to be with her. Calling her to talk on the phone. Text messages that I know would make her smile. Sweet gestures. Spending time with her was hard at times, but that was there also. Outcome.....she went back to dude. But that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

I ended up having a class with her the very next semester and my feelings for her grew. Joking around in class, flirting, and trying to always be in reach. When she was single again, I threw my hat in the race one more time. This time I went even harder. Landed in the same dorm (by accident) and would walk to her room when I got off work. I can't remember ever putting in such effort for one female. If I said all the little things I did and tried here, this post would be too long. I would question her wife material value at times though when I would see her drunk after parties, but then again, that's what college was about at our age, so I overlooked it. And I definitely hoped many times she would come with me after those parties lol. I even remember going in for a kiss one time and her putting a pause to my effort and telling me "Not yet, we need to be together first". Outcome....she went back to ole dude....but that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

I transferred to another school and so did she. We kept in contact though. Facebook is always a great tool for that lol. But here we were...more mature and ready for settling down (or at least that's what we thought). Talked about plans and what kind of things we would do together. Long phone conversations. Then whenever plans were made....nothing happened. Back then I blamed myself. I was a broke college student with phone problems and no car. Nevertheless, with time I realized something....those days I would still call and message her throughout the times to get in contact with her...while she was unreachable and only once she called back. When I saw the missed call, I repeatedly called back to no avail. Funny thing was...I had broken up with my girl in order to be with her (and my girl knew). Though as you might have expected...the Outcome....she ended up with someone else and I told her I was done chasing her....but that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

So what happens now? I transferred schools again and landed in Albany, NY. Went back with the girl I broke up with (and she followed me to the new school). But here comes Ms. Shay back in my life. We begin talking about how crazy it is that we want to be together with such distance (about 3-4 hrs driving). Nevertheless, we were both willing to give it a try. I was smarter now though, so I didn't break up (yeah, its cheating in a way) and didn't get my hopes high....when my phone calls slowly stopped being answered and she stopped reaching out to me...I let it go. Then when I saw wedding photos...I died a bit inside. We stayed in contact nonetheless...we were friends. Funny how it amused her to hear about the feelings I had though. I loved her. Now was it the same love I had for the two main relationships of my life? No. But it was what it was. Outcome....I'm in Michigan having a thought about her. Will I ever go and try to be with her? Hell No!! I'm a lot smarter now. Never would I be with someone that passed on me for another man. I refuse! Though...I can't even remember the number of times I would sing along with Bob Marley ~ Waiting In Vain (in the hundreds to thousands).

So while you read this and feel sorry for me, I write this and laugh at that idiot that thought he would win her heart. Sometimes you have to be a fool before you can grow. Fool me once...shame on you....fool me all those times and I kept falling for it....I was an idiot lol. We're good in my book and she knows it. After all the B.S. I still have love for you Mrs. Taisha Shay-Owens....or is it Mrs. Taisha Owens?

Update On The 'College Conspiracy' Documentary

Alright. I can't help myself. over here. This film gets crazy by the minute. And forgot to post the link before, but will do so this time. And include the video. But WOW lol. Nothing I say in this post will be me paraphrasing or giving the general idea....I will tell you exactly what they are saying. And what are they saying? People should not go to college because it is a scam. They should instead ONLY graduate from high school and start working IMMEDIATELY after. Then instead of working to gain money, they should work to get gold and silver ONLY because people will not be able to do anything with actual American money lmao. Wow. This is........hilarious.

They even come up with some number examples. So if you don't know...years ago the education system did a study and found that people with a degree end up making over a million dollars more over a lifetime than someone without a college degree...but that also being said this documentary came up with an example that shows its less money earned than that. Let me show you.

1, They state the average private institution cost about $27,000 for tuition....even though no one said you had to go to such an expensive school. And public is just fine.
2, With the average college student finishing college in more than 4 years, 5 to be exact, they post an example for 6 years Including Expected inflation costs.
3, At 6 years of college with such a price, it would cost $182,000 to go to school and take out loans. Yet I don't know anyone in that kind of debt for just a bachelors.
4, With that price, it would be about $61,000 in interest at 5.15%, but that's based on the idea that you take out $182,000 in loans to pay for school.
7, Yes 7, if they could play tricks with numbers, so could I lol The average American without a college degree makes about $35,000 a year. Though I don't know if they include people who went and had other training (like police men, fire men, EMT, construction workers) and that number seems a bit high for some 18 (or 17) year old kid coming out of high school to be making....straight out of high school lol.
8, The 6 years in college times the $35,000 that person could have been making totals to $200,000 of missed out on income.

So by this point...they prove that going to college is counter productive lmao. They speak to professionals making $200,000 a year and them stating that a college education had nothing to do with their income. Even though when you stop and look at life, you need that degree to get that first job you had out of college...unless you have a hook up lol. But the part I love the most is the professor saying online classes are better because it saves kids 2 gallons of gas for travel lol. And that online schools is the best way to go...even though many of the online schools are not accredited by the education boards. So you might have worked for an engineering degree at one....and its worth toilet paper because its not an accredited school

All and all...this video was funny and made me laugh at the world. If anyone goes on to think they are right and college is not for you because its a scam...have fun living your life out with $35k until you're too old to work. Honestly, this video just sounds like a half a**ed scare tactic with some ulterior motives. It really used extreme examples and points to get across small things. Using big words and scary words to get the people watching into panic mode. But don't have too much fun watching it guys lol.

One thing they said that I agree with...because 70% of high school grads go off to college, you working on a college degree doesn't make you stand out or special...To me...its what you do with that degree that matters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpZtX32sKVE  <~Is it just me or do they talk about the NIA A LOT throughout the entire film. Then they ask you to sign up for their newsletter and become a member. A little fishy? No? lol. Sounds like someone wants some money here.

Some Steps Can Be Taken Back: Looking Down On Them

At what point should someone give up the life they came from and improve themselves?? Its easy (when you stop and think about it) to give up on slacking on your school work and getting the grades you want and need for a better life. People are quick to say they are educated and doing something with their lives because they are in college. It's easy to denounce the music of Waka Flacka and Gucci Mane, yet bump it in your car. Its all good to laugh at those not in your situation because you are "progressing" and going to live that good life. But my question to you is....when you're ACTUALLY successful and living the life you were working towards....and you come from a less than good place, so you're even more excited and happy....when do you give up the things you did before?

People say that you can take someone out the hood, but that doesn't mean you can take the hood out of them. I agree. I have been grooming myself for years to be ready for a world I am not use to. A world where I am the TRUE minority and had to show a great example of who I am...but not just for myself of course, but for my people. For many, I don't think it is while in college. I see people doing the same things as they did before without a care in the world. I saw a blog the other day talking about how black people look like thugs when they go out to a club or something...and I agree completely. Guys with the sagging jeans, hoodies, big jackets, flashy jewelry, and that's not talking about the language and the large talk about drugs in the community. Females, don't think you are out of the woods with your clothing that makes you look like sluts ready for any sex partner to come and scoop you up.

But what am I getting at here? I left the hood and I change my style of dress. Been working on my use of vulgar language for years and finally have it down. You have/will never seen me in the flashy jewelry or someone see me going out and mistake me for a drug dealer. Why? Becuase I left that stuff behind. So why is it so hard for others? I would see many groups of African American students hanging out and doing drugs while blasting vulgar music and dressing like they came straight from the block....then be angry when someone puts them in a stereotype. Even with rappers....you will see them hit a certain level of fame and them convert over to being able to make the real money. Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs and Sean 'Jay Z' Carter are two of the richest men in hip hop....well thee richest men really. Totally about a billion dollars by themselves. Crazy, I know. But their income changed....and so did their style of dress. You can still see them dressed up or having on a t-shirt, fitted hat, and some jeans...but what is stopping others from doing this on a smaller scale?

If you leave the hood and claim you're doing it big because you're progressing....why not work on yourself along with working on a future. Keep looking like a hoodlum or hoodrat, and your money will forever be small scale compared to what it could be.

Call me an Oreo or an Uncle Tom....but I'll be waving back at you while living the life you only dream of.

Were You Prepared For This?: The School System

So today I watched a documentary and currently watching one. Both about the education system. And both showing the little things that majority of people didn't know or really think about, but some live with and think about every day. The first documentary was 'Waiting for Superman'. The second is the 'College Conspiracy'. So let me do a quick breakdown if you haven't seen either film.

'Waiting for Superman' talks about the entire school system. From the horrible number of students that can pass reading or math exams nationwide (20%-40% passing when nationally tested after the No Child Left Behind movement)...to the number of high schools over 40% when it comes to their drop out rates (2,000 in the U.S.). It shows multiple forms of the school system failing children, from bad teachers not being able to be fired after they hit tenure (which is time based) or chancellors not having free range to extend the length of the school day. It was a great documentary that really opened up the school system for what it was.....a Failing One.

As I watch 'College Conspiracy', the topic thus far is the school system...but more about around college obviously. They are hitting home right now about the great idea that any kid can go to school, go to college, be whatever they want to be, and then end up with the exact life they want. Which everyone that has graduated college knows is a load of bull. Nevertheless as I watch, I am split on this movie. Why? I am a person that is living that life of bull. I went and got an education, now living the life I want, and doing what I see fit. But of course, I can't go in on this movie without watching the whole thing....so that shall come later.

So what am I to talk about right now? Well the school system period. When I look back at my younger years, the school system failed me and the people I know. Now I won't go on about the horrible teachers I have had in my past...because honestly I didn't have too many bad ones. My friends would tell me all the time about their teachers telling them that they didn't care or that they didn't learn anything. And nevertheless, our school system is half day care school because of all the things going on inside of them and parents expecting teachers to raise their kids (which to me is idiotic). But how did the school system fail me? Well there aren't many ways, but they are strong. The rest of my failures in school was based on my own actions.

For starters, overcrowded classrooms. Not much I could do about it, and I hope the school would not be happy with giving them out to students, but so is life. Its hard to get the attention you might want or need when you have 30+ students in a class and a fight breaks out. In high school, a lot of the times I would go to one of my favorite math teachers and ask him for math problems. I would have him help me solve complex math problems I saw somewhere. I was in his class during other classes so I could gain extra information. I loved being in his room and around him. But not everyone can find a teacher to get that extra help.

Another...Safety. The school tried with metal detectors and guards, and agents coming in, but something else should have been done. From fights in basketball games, to gang vs gang brawls after school, and to the things I only heard about because I left early (Thank God for lunch last period).

End of the day though....if I failed something...if I didn't get extra time on some work...if I wasn't on a level I should have been...it was my fault. I made the choices I made. I could have found problems in centers to help me, but I chose to hang out with friends or get a job. So the school system failed me when I was younger, but I failed myself most of all. But thank God again that I was never left back or had to drop out in high school. I read on the right level (I made sure to always read books even outside of the curriculum), my math  scores were good (look where it landed me) and I've always been one for science.

Chemistry Olympiad. Advanced Placement and Honors every single year. A great degree and the ability to pay off my school loans....I'm happy with the education system...but I'm only one person. It's failed others Greatly.

Why'd It Have To Be So Hard: People Confuse Me

Tonight has been an interesting one to say the least, from my friend hitting me up about a female he's talking to, to a guy on youtube sharing his preferences, to watching the Real World on MTV.

Why am I confused tonight? Well lets start from the beginning....The first thing that happened was the text and phone call I had with a friend of mine that is having trouble with a female he is speaking with. What confused me on this event? Well I won't disclose the conversation, but will talk about one thing that I continued to point out to him. That being...his money issues. He hasn't had a job for a while now and his money is declining. His only income comes from fixing computers for people he knows or referenced to. Not a bad way to make some money, but far from consistent. Yet...he is dating girls, going out with them, and spending money. Why come to me one day saying you might move because of money issues one day, then the next week tell me you bought a girl you're dating a gift to make her feel special. Screw that...there are tons of ways to make a female feel special without coming out of the pocket. He proceeded to tell me he likes buying girls things and spent hundreds on a zune mp3 players years ago for his last girlfriend.....BEFORE they even became official. That stuff is confusing to me smh.

Second event? I saw a video on YouTube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-n7wt-DmbM&feature=fvsr ). In the video he's giving reasons why he rather a hoodrat chic over a "regular" female. Then one of the video replies was from a female that appears to be a hoodrat and saying she ONLY dates hood dudes. This was funny and confusing at the same time lol. Now I am one for everyone having their own preferences, and once you state them, it gives me the option to comment or not. So will I judge him for saying he RATHER hoodrats? No. Its a preference. He even stated he rather dates that type, but he's open to dating anyone. But what's funny is the female saying she hates other types of guys lol. Someone said something I completely agree with:

"This is the same kind of chick who fu**s with these kind of guys, get's pregnant, then when the father doesn't stick around she blames ALL BLACK MEN instead of looking at the choices in men that she made."

 Too true. But where is the confusion? I'm confused to what the heck someone has to go through to make that decision? I blame it on multiple things...mostly that of not going outside her "hood" (even though after being called a hoodrat many times, she states later in another video that she lives in the suburbs lol). She talks about that point a bit. But I know why the guy rather a hoodrat....they're easier targets.

Last event.......the Real World. Now I am not big on watching tv at all, but wanted to check it out. The most I do is see a show online somehow. What happened? A guy named Adam who is....wow...so many words I can use lmao a wild and crazy drunk, a cheater, controlling, an A hole, and multiple other things. Let me give you background. He has a girlfriend back home who knows she is being cheated on. He has a thing for a roommate, who has a thing for him. The roommate, Nany knows he's a cheater, brings girls home all the time, usually has multiple girlfriends....(but females are attracted to that type sometimes anyways). My issue? He gets drunk and starts breaking everything. One night almost hitting her and punching the wall instead. While he is held down by his friends, she is trying to get through everyone to be with him. What does she say? "It's ok if he hits me, I've been hit before". Then when he gets kicked off the show, she confesses her feelings for him and wants to be with him. Even crying over him leaving. My confusion is obvious...what the F**k is wrong with these hoes females make some dumb choices lol. As her roommates talk about how dumb this situation is to even be a situation (especially how she was saying how disgusting he is so many times), she cheats on her boyfriend (with Adam) and goes on a getaway with him before he has to live for good.

The things people say and do will always mess me up in the head lol

I'm Not Stopping You From Finishing: "Hi Haters"?

We have a new problem in our midst. What is it? Everyone thinking they have "Haters" or people "Hating" on them. How realistic are they really?? I mean, just because I don't like something that you do or have done means.....I'm a hater now?? What are the rules and regulations for being a hater?? Does the person I'm hating on have to be successful in some kind of way? And if so....why would I hate on some hoodrat that has on a new weave that I don't like? Or the grown man with the new Jordans....but I'm laughing because he lives with his parents still. Am I hating then also? 

I think people have come out with delusions in their mind as to what the facts are in life. What are they to me? For you to be hated on...

• You have to truly successful at something.
• You have to have some level of fame or popularity, for people to even know you even exist.
• You have to be doing something that others cannot easy do or have something that is hard to attain.

Basically...you can't be some average Joe. No one cares about the guy from the union coming into the club and buying bottles with his rent money. I don't understand this completely, but I do have some speculations into why people are also talking about having "Haters". Maybe its because they want to feel important. Because they want to point out that they have something they feel others might like. Or just to belong because others are doing it. Katt Williams jokes about haters and has our society believing that if you don't have haters, then you're not doing anything with your life. #Lies. I'm doing a lot in my life, and don't think I have haters. There are people who might want what I have or dislike something that I say or do, but that's just it...its a dislike or a desire. I don't say I have haters when someone calls me out on something they feel, nor do I say it when someone disagrees with something I feel....I call it having out own opinions.

So the next time you put up picture online or talk about yourself and someone disagrees, ask yourself...."Is this them hating on me, or them sharing their opinions". Spike Lee shares his opinions on Tyler Perry movies and I agree. Is it hating? Maybe, maybe not. All about the angle you take on the matter. But end of the day....he is sharing his opinion with reasoning.

 If you dislike them for a VALID reason, it doesn't make you a "Hater", it makes you a person with a dislike.

Check Your Bag For A Map: The Back Pocket Listing

So there is a video online ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCoI-B9AYjs )...it talks about 42% of African American woman never being married. Now what am I going to talk about? Something I didn't see before, but I see and live it now. What is it? The part where they are talking about men having females in their back pocket and will check up on them now and again.

So when I first saw this video when it first came out, I was laughing at these women because they allowed guys to have them on the "back burner" like that. I was thinking that these females should have better choices in guys. Instead of going with guys that would have them in the back of their head and hit them up now and again randomly to "check up" on them, they would go with guys that really wanted to be with them. But being the older and wiser person that I am and now being the man that has females I periodically check up with, I realized how easy it is to become that man. I have attained many number just over the past two months alone. Do I really use these numbers? Not At All. Why? I have multiple reasons in my head, but don't know which one if any is true. What are they? Let me show you:

1. They are good women, but after the initial conversation, I saw that they and I were not meant for each other.
2. I was only after seeing if I could get the number or not.
3. I got bored with them or found better things.
4. I just like having options.

Now it doesn't matter the looks or the personality traits....some of these girls are sexy and look great. Others are average or ok and have great personality. But there was something about them all that made me not want to truly pursue them further and see where it would lead. There is a female I have been talking to for about a month and a half....we talk every single night on the phone and its a known fact that we will be talking every single day, even if its a short convo. But what separates her from the rest? I don't know honestly. I would give an answer, but I can't say I gave the other females a fair chance. But what is my point here? Not that I'm a player or a pimp, or some guy that can get numbers, I'm saying that as the older I get, the more I learn and although I'm not like every other guy, I have a lot of traits like the rest. So yeah...continue to give me your numbers, but don't think it means I will be calling you lol.

You're Heading In The Wrong Direction: You Have Me Confused

So right now I have been in New York on my vacation (Back Home, Yes!!!!). So excuse my short absence. But what is on my mind right now? The Theory of Going Dutch.

So while I'm in NY, my thing is seeing old friends and spending time with people I haven't seen in a while. One fact about me though, is that most of my friends are females. Why? I like being around females and they always have fun with me, so they love my company also. The problem I have been having lately though is that they want to go out to dinner ,which I don't like doing with girls I am not dating/messing with/talking to, and then on top of that, have me pay for it. I don't get this at all. Why am I expected to pay for you if we are friends?? What responsibility do I have to you that that is a must? I don't expect anything from you, and you shouldn't from me. Its just time together.

So these are things I've heard lately:

"You're cheap" <~Mostly used

"The guys I go out with always pay"

 "What kind of guy are you? Real men always pay"

 Plus other crap that's too long, but try to demean me. Now my question is to all these female friends of mine......what the hell is wrong with you??

1, I'm not your man. Not trying to be. And want nothing from you but your time.....so why am I paying for your time when you're not paying for mine?
2, We friends. Since when do friends ask friends for anything like that??
3, I don't expect sex or anything from you....so why are you expecting something from me?
4, If I'm cheap because I won't pay for you.....what does that make you if you can't pay for you?

But the funny thing is that these are females I have known and been close with for years and they have never asked these things of me. Hmmmmm wonder why now? Sad when people change for the negative. But looks like I wont be hanging out with them. Screw that. I refuse to pay. What do I look like paying to chill with every friend I have? Who is going to help me when I have bills? Not them. So guess we will keep our relationship to ONLY messengers and texts.

So Ladies, if we are not on an official date, don't expect me to pay. Especially when you ask me out or we are only friends. And if I tell you its going to be dutch....don't be mad....come out your pocket also.

How Many Steps To Go Back?: The Count

Had a conversation the other day with multiple people on this. Some on the phone or Facebook chat, others on Twitter. What is the topic? A female's count. The number of partners she has had....that's if she can even remember or count them all.

Why is this even a topic? Because to an extent it does matter. Why? Because it can tell you a lot about someone. Now there are a couple kinds of females for this topic. Lets discuss them and why this even matters at all.

1. The female that is willing to tell and she is telling the truth.
1. Maybe she is proud of her count
2. Maybe she doesn't care what you think about her
3. Maybe she just wants to be honest and up front with you.
2. The female that will not tell you her count.
1. Maybe she is ashamed of her number.
2. Maybe telling her number has led to problems before.
3. Maybe she honestly feels its something private and none of your business.
3. The female that lies about her number.
1. Probably ashamed of her number and afraid of what you will think.
2. Maybe feels it is very private....but then again why lie? Why not just not tell a number.
3. She's a liar and a waste of time.

Now why does this even matter you may ask? A number can say a lot. But to cut some reading time for you and writing time for me...lets bullet the more important aspects.

• Shows her moral code or personal standards.
• Shows how much she can control herself or hold back from temptation.
• Tells whether she ever had a wild side before you.
• How close she feels with you to tell you (if its something meaningful to her).
• How many guys around can just say they had her (no one wants someone everyone had).
• How sexual a being she is.
• And most importantly, was/is she a hoe (can't turn a hoe into a housewife).

All things are important in that list. Some more than others. And yes people change. I am not saying judge who people are now by how many guys she's been with. I'm saying don't exclude that kind of input into who she is as a person. Do I go and ask every female I'm courting about her count?? No. Especially not if she is older than me lol. Why do I ask some and not the other? Well if she's are younger than me....its based on how she carries herself. We can date and I will never ask you. Why? Because you truly carry yourself like a lady or I don't care because I don't expect us to go anywhere but the bedroom. If she's older than me....I won't ask no matter what lol. She is older and probably has some miles on her. Meaning....if I know the number and its HUGE.....it will only be something that pops up in my head lol.

Nevertheless, as I get older...I am more open and accepting to larger number. At 20 I was shocked when the girl I was dating said 4 or 5 at 18. Last year I was shocked when a girl I was dating said 9 at 19. My fiance in high school....I don't remember asking her a number because of how she carried herself. Girls I have been talking to of late.....I haven't ask. Either because I didn't expect anything real from them, they were older, or because of how they carried themselves.

The moral here:

A female's number isn't the most important aspect of her, but it can say something about her.....No matter what age. But sometimes.....a catch is too good a catch to look for things to go wrong.

 And Yes....I Do Watch My Own Count And Make Sure It Never Goes Crazy. You Can Say A Lot About A Guy's Count Also.......But I Don't Care About A Guy's Count.

Getting Tired Or Quitting?: Am I Becoming Lazy?

I recently read A Blog Post and one thing that stood out to me was:

"Let’s get back to my revelation. I was telling my friend about this girl I ‘really liked’ but I didn’t think it was going to work out because I was tired of chasing her. My friend asked me to explain what I did before giving up. I told her that I called once or twice and sent one or two text messages. There was a brief silence – and I’ll spare you the profanity laced details – but basically, she cursed me out and in so many words called me a lazy bastard. I couldn’t get upset because she was right."

This sounds EXACTLY like me lol. I will openly admit that I have become lazy and the actions on my part have definitely been liquidated lol. These are the responses I get when I explain it to people also. But honestly, its not only me that have stopped trying to get with women as hard as we use to. It's all guys. We try less...why?? Because females allow it. Men will not do a thing that women verbally disagree with and have the actions to back it up as a whole. Why? Because we want you guys lol. If all women hated drug dealers and showed it with their actions, no guys would be drug dealers. But the truth is in the pudding.

In high school...when a female gave me her number...I would call her days later. Plain and simple. No texting first. No online messages somewhere. I would wait for a good time in the evening, and call her up. Only person I really ever text was my girlfriend at the time. Everyone else got a phone call. It was the ages of text messages costing money and phone minutes being a valuable, but limited resource. After years upon years of being in relationships, I was informed many times over that I was now suppose to text a girl that gave me her number. She'll prob ask for my Facebook or Skype, then if she has those, she might request my Twitter name. All while texting or speaking on an instant messenger of course.

She is more open to calling me first and often. She is more open to making the first move in public. She'll even tell me how much she likes me first and be the aggressor. So while I like when females are more open and willing to put their hand in the fire and try to see what happens....its also making men lazier. Why put in tons upon tons of work when I know the girls down the blog just need me to smile at them and give a wave? Stuck in the world where men do everything and put in 90% of the work?? Too Damn Bad! That just means you're going to be waiting a whole lot longer than anyone else and who knows if you will even find someone. I tell females all the time, don't sit around at home waiting for Mr. Right. Sometimes you have to make that first move.

Is this my laziness talking? Maybe. Am I right? Probably. Have I gotten lazier as time goes on?? Hells Yes lol. I'm a wanted commodity. I'm good looking, charming, funny, well educated, and a lot of other things. So I worry not about finding females. So yeah.....I'm lazier.....but don't judge me lol.

So as I sit around and keep a nice roster.....don't blame me if you're lonely. Your actions speak volumes.

How Much Is This Maze Worth?: Judging Others

So one thing I have been dealing with since I was a bit younger, and more so now....being judged for what I buy and talk about. What is the issue exactly? When I talk about the things I want to buy or the things I plan on buying....I get judged. I rarely ever talk about money or how much the things I want cost....but still judged. Funny thing is....its not often I talk about something new that I plan on getting. The only thing I have spoken about multiple times is a car. And why? Because not having a car in a town where the bus system sucks and things are HARD when you don't have a car. So....it pops up in your head a lot when you have to wait 40 minutes in the cold at night for a bus that never comes. Or the fact that when school is out for a break, the buses only run every hour or 40 minutes.

But what have I talked about buying or that I plan to buy? Furniture (when I moved to Michigan I had NONE at all), a new HDTV (only having one in the living room sucks when you want to relax in your bedroom), a town home (not a big house or anything, just a town home), a car (where people judge you if you don't have one here).

What is my issue? People talk all the time about the things they plan on buying or are actually buying. I see people talk about new electronics, expensive sneakers, name brand clothing, cars, jewelry, stuff for their appearance, etc. Now do I have a problem with them getting this stuff or talking about it?? Hell no. I don't care one bit. Most of these things I don't care for at all and you will never hear me talk about them. Never will you hear me say I'm going to pay $200 for a pair of Jordans....or that I have to go get the new LV (I don't know how to spell Louie Vottan*** because I never cared/had to) jeans that just came out. Nor will you hear me having a conversation about black diamonds and how I'll look going to the club. Those things are just not who I am.

You can argue and say its the price difference of the materials we are buying...but if those people that judge me or have something to say saved their money instead of buying those Jordans, maybe they could get that HDTV. If those people worked as hard and as much as I do, then maybe they could afford that new car. Before I left to Michigan, a guy that is like a brother to me went and did something that I found out a gentleman on Twitter that I speak to did......they both were able to buy their first house at 23. A friend of mine from middle school that I still talk to....has a sexy brand new car that he bought himself. Am I jealous? No. I'm happy for them. Why wouldn't I be?

So why are people coming at me when I say I'm buying a car? Maybe.....just maybe...instead of judging me or being upset....they need to just work harder in life to achieve what others have. I know multiple people that have nothing BUT work to achieve nothing....but get mad at me.....but then there are those that have nothing...but working to achieve things that are happy for me.

 

 Before you think about the next person and what they have....ask yourself what are you bringing to the table.

What Is A Maze Without Traps: False Conclusions

Throughout my time on this planet....people have built an image of me....is it false? Yes, No, and Sorta. You ask if I'm being fake? Yes, No, and Sorta. Not really helping am I? Well there is a lot that goes into it. Like I stated before, my mind is an extremely complex place. So what is the truth here?? People pick and choose what they want to see in a person and I have multiple sides and aspects to me.

On twitter....most of the time I am getting on females for their stupid decisions and what they do wrong but then have the audacity to complain about....how do people take this? I'm this great guy that is giving out advice because I care so much about females. The real truth? Its annoying seeing all these complaints on my TL when its coming from females doing stupidness anyways. So partially its me laughing at them, part me hoping they stop and think about their actions, and mostly just letting out my annoyance with them.

I try to help people with their problems...some people take this as I care about them...when honestly I don't. There is a big difference being a caring person and caring about someone. I was raised to be a caring person and care for others and their situations (if they didn't put themselves in that position). Do I really care if you live or die tomorrow? Chances are no. I'll say R.I.P. and say "Damn".....but then I will be carrying on with my day. Some people will look at that and say I'm cold, but....its what we all honestly do most times.

I'm at a good point in my life so I'm supposed to want money and riches....I could honestly care less. I just want recognition for what I have done and to know I don't have to worry about money problems. My facebook status right now says I rather be in a dark and empty basement than have a mansion....but would buy the mansion to say I have one. Its the truth. I don't care about expensive things...what I do like though is the fact that I am capable of having it if I wanted to. I honestly don't care about a lot of things. Which leads to our next delusion...

The ONLY reason I socialize and interact with people....its expected of me and what I am supposed to do. 99% of my time....I'm alone (I am around females the rest of the time or my boys when in NY). I rather it that way. I don't like small talk in public. Not a fan of communication with coworkers. Never liked being in large groups of people. Rather be alone in the dark with a video game in hand. Can I do those things? Am I capable of being social and going out? Do I like speaking to the small group of people I call friends and family? Yes to all....but that doesn't mean its a preference. My family knows me...I don't like calling them. I love them to death....but not a fan of it. I speak to my mother about once every two or three weeks...and its her calling me. We talk for a couple minutes and say good bye. My friends...I will text them now and again. Usually the same people though. I don't like talking to too many people as I feel I am bothering them.

And the list of misconceptions go on for days....but that is what they are. Misconceptions. I have 101 sides to me. 101 different ways and views. 101 aspects that all contradict.

I Will Forever Contradict Myself, But Never Will I Be A Hypocrite ~Jason A. Johnson

Maybe This Maze Isn't For You: The Pre-Nup

This has been a talk I have had a couple times lately with females and it seems as majority of females are against signing it and wont or against it, but still will sign it to get it out of the way. My thing......Sign That Pre-Nup lol. I won't get married without one. You can say I value money over the relationship, you can say I am thinking about the marriage breaking up before it even starts...I care not. What do I care about?? The fact that there are so many females out there that are hungry to get some money....the fact that there are times a female can become bitter and want to screw someone over. And I know what you're thinking.....why not just find a better wife??? Well its not that easy. You can't always tell a female is after money...and you can't know when a female is going to feel bitter and want revenge. That stuff is unpredictable. That is why there is a pre-nup.

Its like insurance for people that want to protect their assets. Just like health insurance is to protect people from paying tons of money in the situation that something did happen.....and death insurance is made to cover the loss of a person with money going to whomever....or even dental plans are for assuring that if something happened with my teeth or a situation popped up...I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. So what is wrong with me saying to you:

"Baby, in the slim situation in which we break up....we should make an agreement from now that we won't become vengeful and want to hurt the other by taking away the things that are theirs"?

 Now you're thinking....well in a marriage everything is shared and an "Us" thing. Lies lol. We all have our own personal things and space. If I have golf clubs, can you use them? Yes. By all means. But its a known fact that those golf clubs are mine and I am allowing you to use them. I don't expect to walk into the bathroom to use your makeup without asking....why? Because its YOUR makeup lol. It is your belonging. Your property. So yes, marriage is about US....but that doesn't mean we don't have personal things.

Like if I am the bread winner and you are a stay at home mother.....Oh Hells Yes being a stay at home mother is a full time job in itself, BUT that does not mean that the money I was bringing in should be split in half after we break up and be given to you. That is crazy. Just as bad as that alimony stuff. I want to find the judges that came up with these things and fight them in a back alley. No way.....No how...am I just going to give my belongings to a female that I am no longer with. You look at stars that pay millions to ex wives or have to come out of pocket because of this stuff. Will I have millions? Don't know yet. But I'll be damned if my money goes to her.

Think about this.....we are happily married and living a great life....then just because we break up and leave one another I have to continually pay for you to keep living the life that you was use to during the marriage.....or having to give up 50% of everything... WHY?? We are no longer together. You shouldn't get to have that life anymore.

Look Again And Hope: People That Lie To Themselves

Over the years I have come to know one thing....it's the people lie to themselves. Some on purpose....Some are just in such a deep lie that they don't realize it. But who is this about right now? Not the people that think they are in a position in life where they really in fact are not, this is more about the people that think one way about themselves.........but its a lie.....then they talk about others like themselves. Who should we cover first? How about we go in on the guys......

As guys...we are required to have some level of "Thirst". If you don't know what that is.....think bout......the things we do as men to get the female we want. Now why is it that there are guys coming at other guys about being thirst and wanting a female too much?? That is mind blowing. Even though you didn't do what he did, you have done something else. No matter how good looking or famous the person. You hear about artists all the time now paying females for sex. What do you call that?? Prostitution....aka....guys being guys. Sending a female messages to say hello....its what we do. She don't reply...hit her another day or something. It's only pushing it when he contacts her many times to no reply.

Then what about guys then get on other guys that are "broke". Wait....last time I checked....having a gold chain did not mean you had wealth. So what....because you have more baby money than another man you are allowed to call him broke and laugh at him?? Chances are you were in the same situation and you're money isn't stable. Real men that are blue collar and business men don't go around and get on guys that are not in the same position they are in. We just thank God for the position we are in. Pointless and idiotic. Especially when you both live in the same area. You won't see guys that were broke and reach a level of wealth still live in the projects. So that must mean your money is still pocket money. Get some assets, insurance, and investments, then you can say you are somewhere where you can even speak on the matter.

Females.....I can not count how many times I have seen females call one another hoes or sluts........but do the same exact thing. Now this is mind blowing lol. If you're going to call someone else "ghetto", a "slut", a "bird", or any other name that is to put down others.....at least be in a position where you can talk. And I don't mean just having money. There are money hungry hookers that make more than me in a week....BUT...the character they have is immature and idiotic. So they aren't allowed to talk about others. I have a friend in Texas that's also a stripper and she will tell me she made a thousand in a night. I'll sit there and look like......DAMN lol.....but does it give her the right to attack others? No. What if she was the same kind of person she was making fun of? Then she would be idiotic also. But she doesn't. I have never heard her once get on other females or guys about money or the things they do. Being a hypocrite is worse than being the person you're making fun of. Especially if its about something that you fit exactly. No point getting on others in the same position as you, but then giving yourself the benefit of the doubt on some stupid reason. Childish.

Basically.....before you try to get on anyone and talk about others....KNOW yourself. Analyze yourself and get the opinion of yourself from others. I love negative feedback that's constructive. Why? Because it gives me something to look at about myself. Someone called me cocky the other day....but also knows that I'm a down to earth and humble guy. So what was the conclusion after speaking? I can be cocky at times in the way that I am excessively confident, but for the most part...I'm just confident in who I am and what I can do.

We All Know The Phrase By Now

How Important Is Your Next Decision: What Means The Most To Me

Recently I had a debate with some of my followers on twitter on the matter of Respect. Oddly enough, most did not view the concept of Respect the way I did. For some reason people see Respect as being a common courtesy. But to me, if you give out Respect to everyone, then that dilutes (water down lol) the value of your Respect. Think about it...if I send a good morning text to everyone in my phone book every morning, then people will expect it and its just something that I do. Not something they care about much, just something I do. Then what is the outcome...? The value of my good morning text loses value and richness. It is no longer something special. Its the same with Respect. If I have Respect for every single person I see and meet, then that means that having my Respect isn't a special thing. Why? Because everyone else has it.

Now do I think you should disrespect others? No. Not at all. People should be treated the way that you want to be treated and given common courtesies...BUT.....Respect is not one of them. For me to Respect you, you must earn it in some way. Whether by the way you think, the things you're doing with your life, or even just how you go about things. Actions and Train of Thought are more important things than people let on sometimes. So I hold my Respect very highly. And refuse to just give it to anyone. Other things I'm big on....Loyalty and Trust. Maybe its because I was raised on mob movies as a little kid instead of cartoon movies and family movies. Single digit age range and learning certain values of life from Carlito telling his cousin in Carlito's Way that "A favor will kill you faster than a bullet" or the intensity behind Sonnie telling the bikers in A Bronx Tale "Now yous can't leave". Those are the things that made me who I am today in many ways.

My Loyalty...is golden. Once you have me on your team, I'm there until the end. Whatever you're in need of, I will try my very best to get it for you. Thinking about it, I'm like a dog in many ways. You feed a dog and he will always stay at your side. No matter what happens to that dog....if you're the person feeding him...he will be open to losing his life for you. And that is me. What do you feed me? Your Loyalty. What do I picture when I say Loyalty? A king and his knights. Who's the king? Well this role is interchangeable. When I am thinking about who I have Loyalty for...I'm the knight...and in reverse for those with Loyalty for me. I don't think there will ever be a way to explain what Loyalty means to me. But one thing is for sure, those that call me their brother or close friend....they know how Loyal I am. And know what I would go through to be at their side.

Trust, this is something deep for me. I never saw myself being able to trust people. Mob movie rule number one....never trust people lol. I use to think about my mother trying to kill me at times with the food she made. Crazy? Yeah, I guess. But I have always been a paranoid person. Then more than now. But I trusted nothing around me. Until you've had people running around 40 deep (no exaggeration) looking for you....people following you from class to class to know your schedule.....or even being "Marked" by local gang members...then you don't know why my paranoia was there. But these things happened to me, and the mob movies prepared me, and being paranoid saved my life. So as the situations arose, I knew what to do and made it out with only a hip injury. My Trust, when it comes to females is pretty low also. Its another thing that you have to earn with me. At the very most nowadays, I give a short level of trust to people...and they build/destroy it from there.

I guess its a no brainer why I was called General by every single person that knew me (outside of my teaching experience) from the end of my high school years to the end of my college career. Yes that includes many of my professors lol. And anyone that didn't call me such.....were dis-communicated expeditiously. So if you ever have the honor of being Respected by my, Trusted by me, and having my Loyalty....then there is nothing you can't ask for and nothing you can't achieve. Because I will be there to push and support you.

My favorite General:

 The Honorable General Robert E. Lee

Fought for the wrong side, but did it well

Outlasting several Union generals during the Civil War

And became a known icon for the Civil War

How Much Further?: Never Saw This Coming

Recently I've made a decision to put my efforts into attending University of Michigan for my masters. Now this is a big thing for me. I don't think its a big deal with people that went/go to University of Michigan, and definitely not something big for people that already live in Michigan (because MSU and UofM are like the schools you just go to here)......but for me...its EVERYTHING. You have to remember who this is coming from. I'm a person that didn't even hear of University of Michigan until I was already in college. Didn't think about going to a division one school until I already graduated college. Yes, the college I graduated from was Division 1, but it was Division 1AA, which is different. Now I am putting forward my efforts for a school that has a huge amount of history, tradition, and a BIG name. Guys like me don't think about going to a school like Michigan. Guys like me dream about just going to college and graduating. NONE of who I am today is who I was years  ago. Before I was only about graduating and having a good job. NOW....I'm about progressing and being as successful as possible.

But wait...you ask what kind of Guy am I exactly?? Well I'm a guy that grew up in the projects with a small vision. You could tell me "the sky's the limit" and I am going to say it to myself, but end of the day I didn't see that. The people around me were all poor. The successful people were the people NOT in the projects. Not that they lived well, but they didn't live in the projects. So that was my dream....not living in the projects anymore. You have a guy coming from a household where his mother was a nursing aid working two jobs. Sometimes waking up at 5:20am (Exactly!), to go outside and wait for the bus (3 buses to be exact), work with old people all day.....get off at 3pm, then run to a second job where she didn't get off until 11pm, and had to walk home in the dark through the projects and the streets. Then my father.....he was a janitor at a kid's community center. So yeah...I had hard working parents.....but I was still a Product of My Environment. And its not easy telling someone that feels trapped in his community with no money to see the outside world that he can go to a Division 1 school....when he doesn't even know what a Division 1 school is....or a division for that matter. Never heard of Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Never had a job pay more than minimum wage much less a benefits package. Coming from a neighborhood where there were 2 police stations within a block and police mobile stations on my block. Just a place where the people I considered rich were my aunt and uncle, that had a house. But why were they rich to me? Because they had food they could get up and go eat at any time. They weren't ducking on the ground to bullets outside their window. Not having mice run over their feet as they watched tv. And especially since they weren't woken up by roaches crawling them at night. So yeah.....that is what kind of guy I'm talking about.

So that's what I am saying. That a boy that saw his parents work hard for everything they ever had....that pictured his life still being in the hood...BUT outside of the projects..........So when I say I'm going to the University of Michigan....its not just a big deal to him........its a big deal to everyone that knows hims.

In 2005, months before I started college...my friends and I were in an apartment just having a good time and they were drinking. Even though they were tipsy and some drunk, they told me they were proud and that I was the only one capable of making it out the projects and surviving. So on my school book bag with white out I wrote:  "All Eyes On Me". People that didn't know me would talk behind my back (females especially) and laugh at this as if I didn't hear them. They thought it was me being cocky. Honestly....its a feeling then that I never lost....that I'm the one that made it out the projects and I have everyone still there watching me now and hoping I make them proud still. So as I feel like crying through all the things I've seen and hold back tears that need not to come out.....I announce....one more time.....that I'm aiming for University of Michigan!

Its A Place Known By Many....But A Place I Called Home

No You Can't See Through The Wall: True Blessings

This is a response to people that may get my post before confused:
Understand Where You Stand - My Support.

Some people look at the end and say its luck. Some look at the now and swear things were just handed to me. Others feel jealousy for what they weren't "given". Then there are those that see everything as a challenge. I'm one of the people that sees things as a challenge. I see everything as motivation. Things that will propel me or make me fight harder. Why have I been like this my whole life? Because I came up poor and my family had too much pride.

My mother looked at me when I got the job that I currently have.....and she called it luck. I can't remember the last time I wanted to fight my own mother lol. Nothing I have is luck. Everything I have....I worked hard to get it, with let downs and sacrifices. How did I get this job? Starts from my college days. 1st college, I worked full time while enrolled full time, but a miscommunication between a professor led to a failing grade which she was not able to take off. So the school I had planned on transferring to and dreamed about since middle school (Stony Brook), I was not able to attend. Transferred to Farmingdale State College because of financial problems and worked another job with full time hours while enrolled in school full time. After bad grades and a need to leave Long Island came.....I went to Univ at Albany.....*insert groovy music*

When at Farmingdale, I took 2 programming classes. First one....I got a C. Second one....I dropped. So here I was at UAlbany taking one...and what happens....I get a B+ (I never went to class, so that cut my grade from a A+). I asked the professor to take me on and tell me what I should be doing....he did and even better he allowed me to teach the course the very next semester. When that semester came...an email went out asking for a teaching assistant for a software class I never took and didn't know how to do....so what did I do? I told him to give me a book and trust me lol. I leapfrogged the entire class mid semester in order to teach them for the rest of the semester. Having this skill and language now on my resume, I won an internship with Computer Sciences Corporation (a company bigger than most people will ever know) for the summer. Worked full time while being a full time student that summer also. But passed everything with a 3.33 gpa for the summer semester.

Fall semester....more teaching lol. Took on teaching robots and more languages while taking 6 classes (3 of which were core). Spring semester...took 7 classes (one of which being a thesis and 3 of them being core classes), taught 2 (one of which I had to learn on the spot), studied and tested out of 2 courses so I could graduate on time (calculus 2 and 3), tutoring students and mentoring African American students in my department, being involved in events for my group (MSA ~ Muslim Student Association), while job hunting (being turned down by multiple companies) and maintaining a relationship (which was long distance). In other words.....I woke up...went to my PC every morning and began work....no real going out....and no real socializing, but was able to still see my friends and play video games with them. So you see why I don't like anyone calling my achievements...."Luck".

If you want to go before my college days and talk about me eating just rice and butter for dinner, we could. Lunch being just a slice of bologna with no bread....or we can talk about sandwiches consisting of bread and pancake syrup. My wardrobe being full of hand downs from my brother and extended family. Better yet, how about we discuss the beatings I would get from my parents for answering their math or reading questions wrong. Not being allowed to eat until you figure out how to read something given to you. Or the constant beating myself down (figuratively and literally) for not being a better student and smarter person. Slapping myself at night when alone because I couldn't solve a math problem. Then we can talk about how hard I worked in high school outside of the curriculum. Being on the Chemistry Olympiad team, going to teachers and asking for more work so my skills would grow. People think I'm some insanely smart person. NO!!!! I just have a special way of seeing problems and I work hard enough with what I was given. So I am blessed to be where I am. And blessed to have what I have.

Sidenote: My family and I have never been on ANY form of assistance whatsoever. My family is too proud to accept any gov't assistance. Whatever we didn't have.....we didn't have. End of story.

So Dont You Dare Call My Hard Work And Blessing "Luck"