There's No Authority In This Maze: F The Police?

Like some others, I'm from the inner city and grew up a delinquent. Add that in with an authoritative father who ran a dictatorship (where my mother's power was second) ...and you have a young person that hated cops and everything they represented. In the African American community (for the majority) cops are seen as the bad people. They are the bad guys. The guys that take away your friends and family. The ones always pushing you around when you're hanging out with friends. The party crashers. The list goes on and on. But when you stop to think about it all...the cops are doing what they are suppose to and most often help us in the end.

On a Saturday night in the hood, walking with a friend of mine, I spit in some grass, a cop sees me, stops me, and before I could punch him in the face or run like hell and hope he didn't catch me gives me a ticket while I was asking myself why the hell was I giving him my real information since I had no ID on me. Was he right? No. The case was thrown out of court when I went in. Was it a part of his job? Yes in a way. Police officers where I'm from have a quota of how many tickets they need to hand out monthly (so they would walk around my neighborhood all the time looking to mess with someone). So of course things like this, repeated harassment while hanging out on a bench or just walking around will cause a mindset of hate and anger towards these people that have nothing but power.

But over time and as I grew in age...plus all the videos of idiots I see online where people resist arrest, yell at and hit officers, or do things that call for an arrest or at least attention, but act as if the cops were wrong...I see why cops do SOME of what they do. Like Dave Chappelle once said "Even though I don't generalize, I do do percentages and averages." So if I see someone with their pants sagging, boxers showing, and walking around the hood or chilling on the block...guess what I'll think of them? Same thing everyone else does...thugs n hoodlums. What belongs to their culture? Drugs, Guns, Alcohol. If you tell me that doesn't describe the current rap/new age hip hop culture, then you're a liar. So I don't blame cops for riding up on a curb to stop me and my friends for walking one late night especially since we did have weapons on us and were looking for revenge for a homie (someone I didn't even know directly) that was jumped and thank God we weren't searched.

So what is my point here:

• You can't win against cops, so why argue and scream and go crazy? You will lose at the end of the day. Why? We give them the rights and power to always win.
• Don't resist arrest...it will only make things worse for you. Even if one of your friends started recording it while you were beat down but didn't show you giving the cop a 3 piece combo.
• You might say F the police now, but I bet when something you can't fix on your own comes up...you'll be calling them for help or assistance (I know I have).
• That "No Snitching" crap is exactly what it is, crap. 48 Hours has taught us all that most homicides have someone snitching. Whether the case is solved or not. Someone (even the thugs) will snitch.
• Being a police officer is a job, not a characteristic. I'm proud to say I have cop friends that are great guys.
• Finally, a lot of the times when someone is arrested or the cops come to break up a party...there is a valid reason for it. Someone had to call them.

 Why do I feel like putting money up...that he deserves everything he gets??

How Do You Know Your Future Path?: Private Schools Vs Public Schools

Now this is something that I have talked about a couple times lately with friends and seen many people discuss. Also saw a number of wonderful documentaries talking about the U.S. school system and the success behind charter schools. So what am I here to say to you all? That my kids...will never go to a public school lol. And here's why: *Be warned, many stereotypes and generalizations are about to occur*

So lets start with public schools. Went to them my entire life and even for college. What's the problem with these public schools?

• The teachers. Not all of them, but I knew of many teachers that didn't care. Especially when teachers get their tenure lol. There is even a show coming out called Bad Teachers that covers this. Teachers get tenure and CAN NOT BE FIRED WHATSOEVER. So what happens to them? They are moved to another school or go through a slap on the wrist punishment.
• Violence. A lot of bad kids (yes, I believe in there being bad kids) end up just going to their zone schools. So a number of students from the wrong neighborhoods ends up with James bringing a gun to school (which happened in my high school and I had beef with James, so happy he was caught). And yes, it can happen in a private school...but how many fights and out of order issues do you think happen between the two?
• Education. The most important one. We all know that the education system we have is horrible. There are tricks used to fix and work around this. One of which being longer school days, incorporating technology, and the simplest...creating person relationships with students.
• Possibilities. Now anything can happen anywhere. But with less attention being given to students, the possibilities are endless. We all know about the girls giving head in the back hallways and on the staircases. I remember in the 7th grade, I would hang out with girls every day in the back staircase instead of going to lunch.

Problems with private/charter schools:

• The biggest issue I hear are the other students there are snobby...but I rather my kid have to be around snobby kids he can ignore or grow to want to beat out in life, then around kids that just want to hang out and do nothing.
• The girls end up going wild. And you telling me Shaquetta from M.S. 234 wasn't just on the block prostituting? People with that remark make it seem like girls in public schools don't end up wild and slutty. Some worse since they have less opportunities.

Though I made it a good distance with a public school education, don't be fooled...I know I would be ten times better off if I had a private school education. My biggest problem now that I'm working on is my vocabulary. I remember testing to go into a special middle school and got in, but my parents couldn't afford it. Then for high school, I barely missed the score needed to get into a school for science and math. Had a girlfriend that went there, she told me universities would come and they would be admitted wherever they liked. She ended up going to University of Florida. When my school had college fairs...the main stands in our gym were all military services and community colleges. So you look at me and tell me private and charter schools aren't the best thing for kids. On average, your goals are smaller, your opportunities are smaller, and the people laying out the right path for you just aren't there.

Did You Really Enter The Maze?: The Lal Bihari Experience

So I know its been forever, and I just got out the gym, but I thought it was about time I wrote a new post. Like always, my mind has tons of things to talk about, but I slack when it comes to actually putting it all out there. So here I am...A friend of mine and a reader of this blog told me about a topic she wanted me to cover. What is it? Lal Bihari. I know what you're thinking...who or what is that lol. Well I didn't know at first either. And I think she did it in order to see how my mind will attack suck a thing. Or maybe just to open up the idea to you guys.

Lal Bihari was a simple farmer with an outrageous story. Where does it really start? With his own uncle paying off some government official in India to write him off as deceased in order to get his land lol. Of all things. And he didn't even know until he hit up a bank for a loan. Imagine that conversation lol. I would have been in shock and aw...after causing a riot of course and starting a fire of course. So what did he do? He did something that I feel only a few people would do...he didn't go after his uncle to kill him or go to the police as the only resort....he started the Association of the Dead (Mritak Sangh). It was a coalition of people that this very same thing happened to. Maybe not for the reason of land or officials being paid off, but it had a hundred members when he started, and now has over twenty thousand.

What the hell has to be going on in India for that to be happening lol. First thing an American would be thinking...well they have an unorganized system and so many people, its easy to see how people can easily go missing or "dead" lol. Well it is what i was thinking about. I mean, how the heck would I feel if I was "dead" and walking around thinking everything was fine....wait....you know what that means....no school loans lol. I would do it. In. A. Heart. Beat. But then again I wouldn't have the ability to vote (while Bihari actually ran in an election to prove he was alive).

I guess this just shows us something...when the world gives you lemons...you organize all the lemon holders and fight against the powers that allowed you to be given those damn lemons to begin with lol. find a way to make the best of it (not going to say lemonade since its hard to make a good lemonade). I must say though...you have to respect a man that wouldn't stop trying. Especially when his death can only be categorized at some time within a 18 year span.

This is the face of a man that literally faced death and won lol

Do You Feel That Draft?: The Shay Affect

So some of you readers know who I am in real life. Some of you only know me online. But if you know me long enough, you would have known that I was never the suave guy that had all the ladies (but my charm now definitely can win them over). For some reason people that didn't know me thought I had all the ladies, but so far from true lol. Most people will agree...we chase the ones we want, while the one we should want is chasing us. That was my case in many ways. Still kinda is, but everything I do or don't do is for a reason now. But where am I going with this? Today someone popped into my head. A female that meant a lot to me. Yes...this is me sharing again lol. Don't get use to it though. I really don't care to share my love life, but this is something that I felt was needed to be shared.

Who is she? What does she mean to me? What happened? Her name WAS Taisha Shay. She meant the world to me at one point (or that is what I felt, who knows if it was me being young and dumb), and what happened is a long story lol, so I'll give the just of it. We met when I was playing video games in my dorm room (which we had an open door/ walk-in policy). She walked in and said hello (She wore a fitted shirt and blue jeans skirt that was kinda long). After some jokes and flirting that day it became a regular routine for us. Once I knew she was single (she messed with some guy on and off), I jumped at my chance to be with her. Calling her to talk on the phone. Text messages that I know would make her smile. Sweet gestures. Spending time with her was hard at times, but that was there also. Outcome.....she went back to dude. But that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

I ended up having a class with her the very next semester and my feelings for her grew. Joking around in class, flirting, and trying to always be in reach. When she was single again, I threw my hat in the race one more time. This time I went even harder. Landed in the same dorm (by accident) and would walk to her room when I got off work. I can't remember ever putting in such effort for one female. If I said all the little things I did and tried here, this post would be too long. I would question her wife material value at times though when I would see her drunk after parties, but then again, that's what college was about at our age, so I overlooked it. And I definitely hoped many times she would come with me after those parties lol. I even remember going in for a kiss one time and her putting a pause to my effort and telling me "Not yet, we need to be together first". Outcome....she went back to ole dude....but that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

I transferred to another school and so did she. We kept in contact though. Facebook is always a great tool for that lol. But here we were...more mature and ready for settling down (or at least that's what we thought). Talked about plans and what kind of things we would do together. Long phone conversations. Then whenever plans were made....nothing happened. Back then I blamed myself. I was a broke college student with phone problems and no car. Nevertheless, with time I realized something....those days I would still call and message her throughout the times to get in contact with her...while she was unreachable and only once she called back. When I saw the missed call, I repeatedly called back to no avail. Funny thing was...I had broken up with my girl in order to be with her (and my girl knew). Though as you might have expected...the Outcome....she ended up with someone else and I told her I was done chasing her....but that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

So what happens now? I transferred schools again and landed in Albany, NY. Went back with the girl I broke up with (and she followed me to the new school). But here comes Ms. Shay back in my life. We begin talking about how crazy it is that we want to be together with such distance (about 3-4 hrs driving). Nevertheless, we were both willing to give it a try. I was smarter now though, so I didn't break up (yeah, its cheating in a way) and didn't get my hopes high....when my phone calls slowly stopped being answered and she stopped reaching out to me...I let it go. Then when I saw wedding photos...I died a bit inside. We stayed in contact nonetheless...we were friends. Funny how it amused her to hear about the feelings I had though. I loved her. Now was it the same love I had for the two main relationships of my life? No. But it was what it was. Outcome....I'm in Michigan having a thought about her. Will I ever go and try to be with her? Hell No!! I'm a lot smarter now. Never would I be with someone that passed on me for another man. I refuse! Though...I can't even remember the number of times I would sing along with Bob Marley ~ Waiting In Vain (in the hundreds to thousands).

So while you read this and feel sorry for me, I write this and laugh at that idiot that thought he would win her heart. Sometimes you have to be a fool before you can grow. Fool me once...shame on you....fool me all those times and I kept falling for it....I was an idiot lol. We're good in my book and she knows it. After all the B.S. I still have love for you Mrs. Taisha Shay-Owens....or is it Mrs. Taisha Owens?

Some Steps Can Be Taken Back: Looking Down On Them

At what point should someone give up the life they came from and improve themselves?? Its easy (when you stop and think about it) to give up on slacking on your school work and getting the grades you want and need for a better life. People are quick to say they are educated and doing something with their lives because they are in college. It's easy to denounce the music of Waka Flacka and Gucci Mane, yet bump it in your car. Its all good to laugh at those not in your situation because you are "progressing" and going to live that good life. But my question to you is....when you're ACTUALLY successful and living the life you were working towards....and you come from a less than good place, so you're even more excited and happy....when do you give up the things you did before?

People say that you can take someone out the hood, but that doesn't mean you can take the hood out of them. I agree. I have been grooming myself for years to be ready for a world I am not use to. A world where I am the TRUE minority and had to show a great example of who I am...but not just for myself of course, but for my people. For many, I don't think it is while in college. I see people doing the same things as they did before without a care in the world. I saw a blog the other day talking about how black people look like thugs when they go out to a club or something...and I agree completely. Guys with the sagging jeans, hoodies, big jackets, flashy jewelry, and that's not talking about the language and the large talk about drugs in the community. Females, don't think you are out of the woods with your clothing that makes you look like sluts ready for any sex partner to come and scoop you up.

But what am I getting at here? I left the hood and I change my style of dress. Been working on my use of vulgar language for years and finally have it down. You have/will never seen me in the flashy jewelry or someone see me going out and mistake me for a drug dealer. Why? Becuase I left that stuff behind. So why is it so hard for others? I would see many groups of African American students hanging out and doing drugs while blasting vulgar music and dressing like they came straight from the block....then be angry when someone puts them in a stereotype. Even with rappers....you will see them hit a certain level of fame and them convert over to being able to make the real money. Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs and Sean 'Jay Z' Carter are two of the richest men in hip hop....well thee richest men really. Totally about a billion dollars by themselves. Crazy, I know. But their income changed....and so did their style of dress. You can still see them dressed up or having on a t-shirt, fitted hat, and some jeans...but what is stopping others from doing this on a smaller scale?

If you leave the hood and claim you're doing it big because you're progressing....why not work on yourself along with working on a future. Keep looking like a hoodlum or hoodrat, and your money will forever be small scale compared to what it could be.

Call me an Oreo or an Uncle Tom....but I'll be waving back at you while living the life you only dream of.

Were You Prepared For This?: The School System

So today I watched a documentary and currently watching one. Both about the education system. And both showing the little things that majority of people didn't know or really think about, but some live with and think about every day. The first documentary was 'Waiting for Superman'. The second is the 'College Conspiracy'. So let me do a quick breakdown if you haven't seen either film.

'Waiting for Superman' talks about the entire school system. From the horrible number of students that can pass reading or math exams nationwide (20%-40% passing when nationally tested after the No Child Left Behind movement)...to the number of high schools over 40% when it comes to their drop out rates (2,000 in the U.S.). It shows multiple forms of the school system failing children, from bad teachers not being able to be fired after they hit tenure (which is time based) or chancellors not having free range to extend the length of the school day. It was a great documentary that really opened up the school system for what it was.....a Failing One.

As I watch 'College Conspiracy', the topic thus far is the school system...but more about around college obviously. They are hitting home right now about the great idea that any kid can go to school, go to college, be whatever they want to be, and then end up with the exact life they want. Which everyone that has graduated college knows is a load of bull. Nevertheless as I watch, I am split on this movie. Why? I am a person that is living that life of bull. I went and got an education, now living the life I want, and doing what I see fit. But of course, I can't go in on this movie without watching the whole thing....so that shall come later.

So what am I to talk about right now? Well the school system period. When I look back at my younger years, the school system failed me and the people I know. Now I won't go on about the horrible teachers I have had in my past...because honestly I didn't have too many bad ones. My friends would tell me all the time about their teachers telling them that they didn't care or that they didn't learn anything. And nevertheless, our school system is half day care school because of all the things going on inside of them and parents expecting teachers to raise their kids (which to me is idiotic). But how did the school system fail me? Well there aren't many ways, but they are strong. The rest of my failures in school was based on my own actions.

For starters, overcrowded classrooms. Not much I could do about it, and I hope the school would not be happy with giving them out to students, but so is life. Its hard to get the attention you might want or need when you have 30+ students in a class and a fight breaks out. In high school, a lot of the times I would go to one of my favorite math teachers and ask him for math problems. I would have him help me solve complex math problems I saw somewhere. I was in his class during other classes so I could gain extra information. I loved being in his room and around him. But not everyone can find a teacher to get that extra help.

Another...Safety. The school tried with metal detectors and guards, and agents coming in, but something else should have been done. From fights in basketball games, to gang vs gang brawls after school, and to the things I only heard about because I left early (Thank God for lunch last period).

End of the day though....if I failed something...if I didn't get extra time on some work...if I wasn't on a level I should have been...it was my fault. I made the choices I made. I could have found problems in centers to help me, but I chose to hang out with friends or get a job. So the school system failed me when I was younger, but I failed myself most of all. But thank God again that I was never left back or had to drop out in high school. I read on the right level (I made sure to always read books even outside of the curriculum), my math  scores were good (look where it landed me) and I've always been one for science.

Chemistry Olympiad. Advanced Placement and Honors every single year. A great degree and the ability to pay off my school loans....I'm happy with the education system...but I'm only one person. It's failed others Greatly.

Beware Of The Traps: My Biggest Fear

So I had a conversation with a young lady last night and a topic came up. It was a reminder of something that scared the BeJesus out of me. What is it you may ask?? Well its my only fear in the world. The fear of having a child before I'm ready. *Insert Loud Screaming and Shiver*.

So as you may know by now, I'm 23. And living life alone in Michigan. I'm care free, no responsibilities, no stress, no one to take care of, no one to answer to or worry about. I LOVE my life. I do as I please whenever I want. BUT all of that can end if I was to have a child. Would my life end? No, but it would feel like it. I have so much planned and coming up that it would alter where I'm going in life. There are many things about my life that I have constructed set up in a way that creates an environment of extreme comfort. If a kid popped up in my life, that means I would have to alter my life and think of.......Someone Else!!!!! Scary??? Hells Yes.

I'm not mentally nor financially ready for a child. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't want to do it. I refuse to do it lol. So lets break this down a bit more so its not just some rant. Lets start with the fear itself and what would make it even worse....

1. A baby with a random female. Random meaning someone I didn't plan on marrying and been dating forever lol.
2. A baby with a female that was just trying to trap me. How would I know? After a while my eyes would open up and spot it. Especially if she would rather me pay child support than be with her and the child.

Getting even scarier huh?? Well that is what happens all the time in today's society. No matter the race or social class. It happens. But what I wonder about is how can people in poverty go and have kids? I don't get this at all. If you're living horribly, why would you want to bring in a baby?? Yes, I come from poverty, but I was also lived on a farm when I came into this world. We moved to America thinking things would be our benefit. Now I'm not saying get an abortion or kill a child, but what I am saying is that you should be taking EXTRA Extra precautions lol. Some females want babies but living in the hood. Try to get pregnant to make themselves happy or feel like they have something in their life. Now this is guys also, but its a females body nonetheless. If she didn't want it at the end of the day, she could refuse or take birth control behind a guy's back.

But that leads me to the next issue. These females going around believing guys when they say he wants her to have his baby....but then he won't give her a ring or marry her. That makes no real sense to me. Why? Because if a Man is really ready to have a baby with a Woman and create a life long bond with her....then what's stopping them from just getting married? Chances are he was just talking out his ass and just wanted the sex, he thought it would keep you around, but didn't really want the kid/think it would happen, or he just plain and simple wanted a child, but not you. Either decision or reason here....he's not the guy to go with and having a baby with him is stupid. So don't go on Maury and complain about him saying he wanted the baby, and he is now denying the baby. Be mad at yourself.

Guess that leads us to my last point. The act of sex is great. Love it. The idea of not having sex unless you want to make a baby.....realistic but not really realistic in today's society. Sex is more of a casual and pleasure thing. BUT I will be damned if I get a call from a female saying she is pregnant. I refuse to have a child out of wedlock. When I was younger, I made a lot of mistakes and stupid decisions, that could have resulted in such happening. But Thank God none of it did actually happen. And so I would like to keep my streak going. Having a baby is an important thing, and I think it should be kept for married couples only. When will I be married? Who knows. But I refuse to have to call my parents and say I'm having a baby and there is no ring on my finger. Never. Not I. I don't go and judge the people that have done it...as a matter of fact, most of the people I know with kids are not married. And statistics show that 80% of teenage pregnancy never ends with a marriage.

So ladies, before you go out and sleep around, slip up with the guy you been with, or fall stupid for a guy saying he wants to be your "Baby Daddy".......think about where you're going. I know for a fact a baby is not in my near future.....or at least I'm praying for it to no be like that.

Not Mine, Not Now

How Much Further?: Never Saw This Coming

Recently I've made a decision to put my efforts into attending University of Michigan for my masters. Now this is a big thing for me. I don't think its a big deal with people that went/go to University of Michigan, and definitely not something big for people that already live in Michigan (because MSU and UofM are like the schools you just go to here)......but for me...its EVERYTHING. You have to remember who this is coming from. I'm a person that didn't even hear of University of Michigan until I was already in college. Didn't think about going to a division one school until I already graduated college. Yes, the college I graduated from was Division 1, but it was Division 1AA, which is different. Now I am putting forward my efforts for a school that has a huge amount of history, tradition, and a BIG name. Guys like me don't think about going to a school like Michigan. Guys like me dream about just going to college and graduating. NONE of who I am today is who I was years  ago. Before I was only about graduating and having a good job. NOW....I'm about progressing and being as successful as possible.

But wait...you ask what kind of Guy am I exactly?? Well I'm a guy that grew up in the projects with a small vision. You could tell me "the sky's the limit" and I am going to say it to myself, but end of the day I didn't see that. The people around me were all poor. The successful people were the people NOT in the projects. Not that they lived well, but they didn't live in the projects. So that was my dream....not living in the projects anymore. You have a guy coming from a household where his mother was a nursing aid working two jobs. Sometimes waking up at 5:20am (Exactly!), to go outside and wait for the bus (3 buses to be exact), work with old people all day.....get off at 3pm, then run to a second job where she didn't get off until 11pm, and had to walk home in the dark through the projects and the streets. Then my father.....he was a janitor at a kid's community center. So yeah...I had hard working parents.....but I was still a Product of My Environment. And its not easy telling someone that feels trapped in his community with no money to see the outside world that he can go to a Division 1 school....when he doesn't even know what a Division 1 school is....or a division for that matter. Never heard of Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Never had a job pay more than minimum wage much less a benefits package. Coming from a neighborhood where there were 2 police stations within a block and police mobile stations on my block. Just a place where the people I considered rich were my aunt and uncle, that had a house. But why were they rich to me? Because they had food they could get up and go eat at any time. They weren't ducking on the ground to bullets outside their window. Not having mice run over their feet as they watched tv. And especially since they weren't woken up by roaches crawling them at night. So yeah.....that is what kind of guy I'm talking about.

So that's what I am saying. That a boy that saw his parents work hard for everything they ever had....that pictured his life still being in the hood...BUT outside of the projects..........So when I say I'm going to the University of Michigan....its not just a big deal to him........its a big deal to everyone that knows hims.

In 2005, months before I started college...my friends and I were in an apartment just having a good time and they were drinking. Even though they were tipsy and some drunk, they told me they were proud and that I was the only one capable of making it out the projects and surviving. So on my school book bag with white out I wrote:  "All Eyes On Me". People that didn't know me would talk behind my back (females especially) and laugh at this as if I didn't hear them. They thought it was me being cocky. Honestly....its a feeling then that I never lost....that I'm the one that made it out the projects and I have everyone still there watching me now and hoping I make them proud still. So as I feel like crying through all the things I've seen and hold back tears that need not to come out.....I announce....one more time.....that I'm aiming for University of Michigan!

Its A Place Known By Many....But A Place I Called Home

No You Can't See Through The Wall: True Blessings

This is a response to people that may get my post before confused:
Understand Where You Stand - My Support.

Some people look at the end and say its luck. Some look at the now and swear things were just handed to me. Others feel jealousy for what they weren't "given". Then there are those that see everything as a challenge. I'm one of the people that sees things as a challenge. I see everything as motivation. Things that will propel me or make me fight harder. Why have I been like this my whole life? Because I came up poor and my family had too much pride.

My mother looked at me when I got the job that I currently have.....and she called it luck. I can't remember the last time I wanted to fight my own mother lol. Nothing I have is luck. Everything I have....I worked hard to get it, with let downs and sacrifices. How did I get this job? Starts from my college days. 1st college, I worked full time while enrolled full time, but a miscommunication between a professor led to a failing grade which she was not able to take off. So the school I had planned on transferring to and dreamed about since middle school (Stony Brook), I was not able to attend. Transferred to Farmingdale State College because of financial problems and worked another job with full time hours while enrolled in school full time. After bad grades and a need to leave Long Island came.....I went to Univ at Albany.....*insert groovy music*

When at Farmingdale, I took 2 programming classes. First one....I got a C. Second one....I dropped. So here I was at UAlbany taking one...and what happens....I get a B+ (I never went to class, so that cut my grade from a A+). I asked the professor to take me on and tell me what I should be doing....he did and even better he allowed me to teach the course the very next semester. When that semester came...an email went out asking for a teaching assistant for a software class I never took and didn't know how to do....so what did I do? I told him to give me a book and trust me lol. I leapfrogged the entire class mid semester in order to teach them for the rest of the semester. Having this skill and language now on my resume, I won an internship with Computer Sciences Corporation (a company bigger than most people will ever know) for the summer. Worked full time while being a full time student that summer also. But passed everything with a 3.33 gpa for the summer semester.

Fall semester....more teaching lol. Took on teaching robots and more languages while taking 6 classes (3 of which were core). Spring semester...took 7 classes (one of which being a thesis and 3 of them being core classes), taught 2 (one of which I had to learn on the spot), studied and tested out of 2 courses so I could graduate on time (calculus 2 and 3), tutoring students and mentoring African American students in my department, being involved in events for my group (MSA ~ Muslim Student Association), while job hunting (being turned down by multiple companies) and maintaining a relationship (which was long distance). In other words.....I woke up...went to my PC every morning and began work....no real going out....and no real socializing, but was able to still see my friends and play video games with them. So you see why I don't like anyone calling my achievements...."Luck".

If you want to go before my college days and talk about me eating just rice and butter for dinner, we could. Lunch being just a slice of bologna with no bread....or we can talk about sandwiches consisting of bread and pancake syrup. My wardrobe being full of hand downs from my brother and extended family. Better yet, how about we discuss the beatings I would get from my parents for answering their math or reading questions wrong. Not being allowed to eat until you figure out how to read something given to you. Or the constant beating myself down (figuratively and literally) for not being a better student and smarter person. Slapping myself at night when alone because I couldn't solve a math problem. Then we can talk about how hard I worked in high school outside of the curriculum. Being on the Chemistry Olympiad team, going to teachers and asking for more work so my skills would grow. People think I'm some insanely smart person. NO!!!! I just have a special way of seeing problems and I work hard enough with what I was given. So I am blessed to be where I am. And blessed to have what I have.

Sidenote: My family and I have never been on ANY form of assistance whatsoever. My family is too proud to accept any gov't assistance. Whatever we didn't have.....we didn't have. End of story.

So Dont You Dare Call My Hard Work And Blessing "Luck"

The Exit Is On Your Left: They Think Its A Fact

Every say..*pause*....10 seconds...another female bashes guy somewhere or somehow. She talks about the easy usual (broke, no car, no job, saying something she didn't like, penis being small or sex being bad) and an onslaught of other things that she feels guys do only....then if you tell her females do it also...she will make a reason for it being ok.

You: "Hey, heard you and Damon broke up last month."
Her: "Yeah, guys are just all cheaters."
You: "What about females? They cheat."
Her: "Females only cheat if you're doing something wrong and she's missing something"

OR

(We're both at the bus stop)
You: "Hello, how you doing."
Her: "Excuse you, I don't date no broke n***a taking the bus."
......but she riding the bus -__-


This is far from every female, but every female has bashed a guy in some way, shape, or form. And I bet some of you will scream "No, not so" or "That's only the females you talk to". But face it.....females bash guys. Whether right now or in the past. No one was born with a great mindset, you work towards that. You either bashed a guy for being broke, jobless, or not fitting the criteria that you want him to fit. I was broke at some point. I was jobless at some point. I have rode the bus for the majority of my life. I don't have the tattoos that females are going crazy over. I don't wear the chains and "ice" the others want to see from me in a club or something. But end of the day....the fact of the matter is that I'm still the person I am. You can clown guys for what they have or done have. You can demean guys for what they have done in the part.....even though it was really just the couple guys you messed with but want to put on all men. "Men aint sh*t"......."All guys are the same".....blah blah blah. Guys are made to take punches, roll with it, and keep moving on. If you females met guys with half the issues you keep around from past relationships....you would get on him. But then some of you will go and say you don't have baggage......chances are....if you're over the age of 13.....and have dated before.....you have some baggage. Read the latest updates about the 11 year old that was raped.....and as they demeaned her character.....they brought up the things she said on her Facebook...:

...The 11-year-old tells whomever she befriends that she's aware people have probably heard about her, but she doesn't care what they think.
"If you dislike me, deal with it," she wrote.
Sometimes she comes across like a little girl, such as when she talks of her special talent for making "weird sound effects" and "running in circles" to overcome nervousness.
But she also makes flamboyant statements about drinking, smoking and sex. Yet her vulnerability pokes through the tough veneer as she tells of "being hurt many times," where she "settled for less" and "let people take advantage" and "walk all over" her. She vows to learn from her mistakes. ~ 'Media Blows It With Pathetic Gang Rape Coverage' By Margaret Hartmann

No matter what her bad actions were....she's 11 with baggage (I'm speaking only before the rape issue). It happens when you're a female, and you're SORTA allowed to keep it. But sometimes its the females with the most baggage that do the most bashing. Other times its the females that just think they are God's gift to the world.......in other words the confused females lol.

But what is this crazy rant all about?? Females.......stop bashing. Stop trying to put down guys. If you're going to do that:
1, Dont be in the same situation he is in. Don't be broke or riding the bus.....and get on him for being broke and riding the bus.
2, If you are going to laugh at a man coming to you and you not "feeling" the way he is doing it.....why not stop him and tell him what you would want?? (Sidenote: A gay guy approached me the other day to "talk" to me, I didn't disrespect him, I didn't do anything crazy.....I held a mature conversation with him and moved on. I'm not gay...but there are ways to handle things)
3, Guys from your past cheated on you.....not saying get over it (even though you should), but don't get on all guys because of the few you dated.


Plus......people that go out of their way to demean, disrespect, or laugh at others to humiliate them.....are pathetic. Sometimes writing it out (even if its in your head) and reading what you are about to say.....will help you in the end.

The Right Turn Is An Illusion: This Dating Scene

Michigan, Oh Michigan....why did you have to trap me?

I could be doing so many things in New York right now. With beautiful women at every turn of a corner and all open to new things.....I'm stuck in Michigan -__-. Are there beautiful women here................I guess lol. I'm joking. There are some good looking girls here. But for some reason I end up in college town. Girls in college are not the group I really want to be going for (except for some fun nights with not much of anything else). Am I bad mouthing college girls? No. But the generic college girl is just about having a good time. Do I blame her? No. Have fun while you're not in the real world as yet. BUT....what do I want...fun with a bit more than just just fun. I realized after speaking with a friend of mine what I want right now.....nothing serious...just Friends with Benefits for most and for the ONE female I TOLD I was pursuing....something more...... but our distance has a lot to do with what our future holds.

Nevertheless....everyone thinks I am bagging numbers like clock work and have tons of girls coming in and out of my crib. Well someone needs to introduce me to this lifestyle people think I'm having lol. And its not like I lie about things. I openly say I'm not seeing many females right now. Do I get numbers? Yeah, now and again. Do I go on dates and have females come over? Yeah, now and again. But nothing like what people think. Then I am questioned repeatedly by people about who my current girlfriend is? Who I am seeing? What's my love life like right now? And on and on and on. Truth is.....I rarely see a female outside that fits what I like. Then chances are we are on a packed bus where we get off at different stops.

People warned me about the dating scene out here in Michigan for people outside of college....and I agree...not complaining....but its does suck lol. So this is me telling everyone....I'm single until further notice. And yes....I do cut off females and delete numbers all the time. I'm not desperate at all. So why not?

You Can See It If You Weren't Looking: Death To.....

Trust Gentleman....that's the name I went by on a couple different sites. Why? Because I feel as if I am. Wouldn't make a name from it if I didn't feel that way. Why did I go and leave it behind in the trash? Well there are multiple reasons really. And a lot of it is because of twitter.

On twitter....most of the people I follow are females....and continuously I had to block females that showed themselves to be hoodrats or just tweet things I don't feel like seeing. So what did all these females cause? A mental fatigue. Seeing nonstop tweets coming from females that are just......sad.....but then they complain about guys all the time. Multiple females going down a list of reasons why guys are sorry, broke, not up to their standards....but then showing tweets later that they are nothing more than booty call worthy. Seeing this all the time at first amused me and gave me a good laugh....but it gets annoying over time. I went from wanting happiness for all females to wanting happiness to those that deserve it.

When I was younger is when I learned to stop being nice to everyone. And I guess I didn't FULLY learn this lesson because I was still treating all females the same......in a good way. But I realized that females need to be treated the way they show themselves to be. Treat hoes like hoes and not care about them. Treat real women like women and give them what they deserve. Didn't say I was going to disrespect anyone...but I wont be treating all females the same.

The next reason....I haven't been feeling like a gentleman lately. Yes majority of females see me in this light and feel I am a gentleman....but I guess it all goes back to having Nice Guy Syndrome when I was younger. I left it and became a player for years and did me....but then I grew up and realized I should be thinking about my future....so i guess a part of me went back to the concept of treating all females in a good way....but with my new revelation of treating females the way their actions tell me to treat them....I started doing less nice things to/for people. And so my train of thought left that zone. Now I just go with the thought that I'm a Renaissance Man...which describes me (A person whose expertise spans a significant number of different subject areas).

So am I no longer a gentleman because I don't treat every female great? I think I still am one....but now just a smarter one. Guess end of the day its the death of a sap. Only down side? My follower count on twitter doesn't move as fast, I don't get retweeted as much lol. Things that don't really matter to me anyways. So I guess it was worth it. Less for me to think and worry about.....and still know that one female will have my all.

Sometimes Real Men Know When To Run And Start A New

Did You See The Hint On The Wall: Black Coffee

"Black coffee no sugar no cream, that's the type of girl I need down on my team" ~ Heavy D

I remember writing poetry about this, giving presentations about this, discussions, debates, and just historical enlightening moments. And end of the day....its Twitter that made me realize a lot of things.

I can't count the many times I have seen dark skin females angry because someone told them they were cute for a dark skin girl. And I see their point entirely. I don't see shade of brown when I see a black women. Either I see something that goes with my preferences or I don't. Yet not everyone sees things that way. I can even sense the anger dark skin women feel. Then I see it carry over to people stating their preference. They are tired of dealing with this stereotype of dark skin females being less attractive, they when someone merely states their preference being for light skin females, that same anger comes out. When in reality it shouldn't. I spoke on this with someone the other day and she made a wonderful point. If a man comes to a dark skin woman and says his preference is for dark skin women....she's happy and feels special. That same man goes to her and says his preference is for light skin women, and she may be ready to start world war three in a grocery store. Why? She feels that pain of being put down again...and I don't blame her for it, but at the same time she is confused. That man, like everyone else has a preference (mine being towards dark skin females, but I am open to all ;-)), and she might have a thing for light skin dudes, does that mean I should be angry and upset over it? No. Its her choice. Especially when I love it when I hear females talk about dark skin guys with bald heads. I'm loving it lol. After growing up hating my complexion because of all the jokes and teasing...dark skin brothers are getting love no a days :-).

So ladies...light skin and dark skin....brothers.....light skin and dark skin....ignorant comments are not needed. A person can be beautiful no matter the shade. We all seen ugliness on both ends. Saying your preference is one thing...idiotic comments are another. But when you hear the preferences of another...why get upset? They like what they life. Plus, for me...you guys know I love my black coffee (even though in real life I hate actual black coffee...I need milk and sugar darnit lol).

Risk The Darkness or Fly Straight: Judgement Day

"Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he or she doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today" ~Malcolm X

Ever since I could remember I was leading others. My direct family and my extended family are big on being a leader and not following what others do. But I would be a liar if I said I always followed this route. At times I would do some really idiotic things and then find a reason for it...when usually the real reason was the people I was around. I blamed things on my environment. I blamed things on wrong place and time. In reality...I was just a kid looking for fun. But being an semi-adult (Adult is a big word) now and come to realize that people are not like who I am...but what's the problem you ask? A lot of them do now what I did before and the problem lies with how I look at them sometimes. Purpose? Yes and No. Yes, because he helps me filter the people I want around me. No, because I know where I came from and just want to help others.

What's the point of all this crazy talk? I'm just saying sorry I guess. Sorry to the people that would curse all the time. To the people that call each other nigga like there is no better word to use. The slackers, procrastinators, and excuse makers. Everyone that does things now that I did before. I don't look down on you, but I do look at you and wonder why. Then I stop and remember....that its just easier. Not cursing is harder and less fun than cursing. Not doing work and making an excuse for it being late can lead to more fun on that Friday night. So yeah, sometimes I need a reality check. Guess a part of me is still waiting for it to happen.

Hint: For Every Left, There Is A Right: 8 Wonders Of The World

There's been something on my mind lately. Especially with the way I been doing things. What is it? The way I cut females off that I don't feel are worth my time or thoughts. Why has this been in my head lately? One of my closest friends said I do it too much. As if I don't give girls chances. But that's the thing...I give chances...but if she messes up more than once....she cut. What are the deciding factors?

• Does she pick up whenever I call or return my call?
• Does she reply to my text in a timely period?
• Does she share her thoughts and feelings or does she have an iron clad wall up?
• Does she continue to cancel plans with me?
• Does she fit two or more of my deal breakers stated before?
• Does she purpose try to make me work OD hard with giving anything in return?
• Does she not put in her share of the work?
• And the list goes on lol

But thinking about him saying this to me made me realize something....even if I do give a chance...I still generally cut females off very quickly. How do I know this? As soon as a female messes up or I see something I dont like....my first thoughts are to cut them off. Do I? No.....but its the first thought. More of them and its a done deal. Then they like to call me or text me later and wonder why I deleted their number lol.

As justifiable as any of my reasons are to some or most importantly...me...I realized why I do it. I remember a time....*insert flash bad music*....I lived with one of my girlfriends...we were up late having a conversation in bed about our pasts. I was going down the list of all the females I ever dated and was in the "talking" phase that deserved to get a quick mention...and she was shocked at the number. The long endless list of females that were in and out of my life. And when my female friends know of this list....they too agree with her in the fact that....its tiring. So here I am now...I cut females off easily. Less emotional attachments. Less care. Less work. And waiting for her to show me something worth it for me to even consider putting in real work.

Its my own wall I guess. Comparable to that of the great wall of China. Always would I have a wall up, but nothing as advanced and so difficult to get passed. I have more options in my life now a days and its been giving me the ability to test different waters....but they all end the same way. I can't even count the number of females I have cut off in the past week alone. So we shall see what happens.

The funny part....the things women say when they see how I flirt when I am single. I've heard a woman tell me if I do it so much that I wont have anything to give my future wife....But only the females that have been with me and shared alone time will ever even have A Taste of who I really am and what I can offer. I told one last week what that woman said and she laughed...why....because she knows who I am.

Hard Left, Straight, Or Right Curl: The Waiting Present

So you're asking yourself....with a title like that...what the heck is he talking about lol. Well its a bit deeper into the maze.

What is this gift? I would say a boy's physical transition and its affect. Maybe you'll understand him a bit better.

How about we start with elementary school...from the dark skin jokes. The famous "African booty scratcher" to the personal jokes about being ugly. Or how about we talk about the short chubby kid that girls never liked. He had a crush on a girl for every grade in elementary school lol. Did he ever get anything from it? Nope. The kiddie parties he got to go to and the invites to hang out with the cool girls....did thatever happen? Nope. A kiss, a tease, a batter of the eyes, a smile, a smirk, we can go down the line....but did any of these occur? Not a single one. Closest thing to a kiss in those days was a girl's lips accidentally touching his ear as she whispered something to him on a moving train....of course he didnt forget though. So what would affect him worse....the laughs and the teasing....or being passed over by everything with long hair? Well to be honest....it was the jokes that made him suicidal at a young age. But it was the bench warming that made him see a world with no future.

We could move on to middle school if you want....where things did change. But "What?" you may be asking....well nothing other than the girls that were sloppy and didn't care about hygiene. They wanted him. But not at all did he succumb to these advances. He still had a pride that he wouldn't let diminish. But more girls were around him now and so he smiled more. Guess it was his cure for so many guys considering him the outcast. Yet their laughs would still scream out while the teacher made comments and a class clown would mention that boy's name. So what really changed? Well the first lips of a girl he was able to feel....On The Train......he had a puppy dog crush for her since and was able to finally speak it. Walked her home after school. Buying her lunch at their hangout spots. Long phone conversations at night creating crazy bills. The result? A number of excuses of why it can't work....the biggest that stuck being the fact that one of her sloppy friends liked him. Guess he couldn't catch a break huh. So what got to him worse here? The guys that would hang out with him on and off but still insult him? The girls that only saw him as a friend? Or could it be the fact that he heard laughs so often that he would expect it and know exactly when it would come each and every day? He can't tell you. He doesn't even know.

Maybe high school was better you say? Well it was. The jokes with his name in it stalled and died down...but all 4 yrs he expected it and amazed EVERY SINGLE TIME it Didn't happen. The guys.....they hung out with him. Grew friendships and bonds. The ladies.....still the friend for Most -__-. Anything changed? Yes. For more and more females liked him. He could be quoted saying "I feel like a kid in a candy store". Girlfriend after girlfriend with a number of girls to mess around with. Hundreds in his eyes, but it was only a few. Most still wanted him as just a friend. Still walking them home and long phone conversations leading no where. But there were a few that took a chance on him and this built his ego. Not in a bad way, but a good way. More confidence. Stood straight when he talked. Walked with a new demeanor. He owes it to one female specifically, but it was them all that needed thanks. But was it the start of a monster?

First college....he went wild that one year he was there. Trying to get all the upperclassmen females. He had a new cockiness to him while also knowing he couldn't stretch too far beyond his realm. Did he get the ladies he aimed for? Not a single one. Did he turn down Many for sex? Yes. He wasn't a whore lol. But this was followed by a summer of many conquests and numbers received. Did he care for these numbers? No.....but his ego very much did. Second college....failures that would plagued him and taunted him. But in the end he knew what it was....it was the words of females that had been honest with him...from years past..."You're not cute, but you're not ugly". So failure at his aims and success at his wants were all too common. So does this story end happily? No. For his biggest challenge in years was at hand.

The ugly Muslim......well what other title did he deserve? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. And his girlfriend of 2.5 yrs accepted his transition...so did a few of the other females he cheated on her with. But the vote was in and elections passed.....he was considered ugly by the masses of females. Thick beard. Chubby. Kufi. Style of dress? Shorts and a t-shirt. Swagger? None and didn't care. Nothing mattered but religion, school, and his girl. The guys all loved him and considered him family. So he was set...right? Wrong. Breaking up with his girl and the one to follow....he grew tired of his beard. He removed the kufi because he couldn't find any he liked to wear at work.....he dressed better....he grew a level of confidence that came with success...he cared about his looks and females took notice. Those that once called him ugly retracted their statements...and now.....well now he goes up to any woman he chooses...knowing with the right words...she's his. So if you can tell by the transition that being happy in his self image was the gift that was waiting....then you lied to yourself....that is still a battle. But is he on the winning side? Yes. Excuse him though if you complement his looks...and he feels like a joke is being made or a line is being used to just make him feel better.