Do You Feel That Draft?: The Shay Affect

So some of you readers know who I am in real life. Some of you only know me online. But if you know me long enough, you would have known that I was never the suave guy that had all the ladies (but my charm now definitely can win them over). For some reason people that didn't know me thought I had all the ladies, but so far from true lol. Most people will agree...we chase the ones we want, while the one we should want is chasing us. That was my case in many ways. Still kinda is, but everything I do or don't do is for a reason now. But where am I going with this? Today someone popped into my head. A female that meant a lot to me. Yes...this is me sharing again lol. Don't get use to it though. I really don't care to share my love life, but this is something that I felt was needed to be shared.

Who is she? What does she mean to me? What happened? Her name WAS Taisha Shay. She meant the world to me at one point (or that is what I felt, who knows if it was me being young and dumb), and what happened is a long story lol, so I'll give the just of it. We met when I was playing video games in my dorm room (which we had an open door/ walk-in policy). She walked in and said hello (She wore a fitted shirt and blue jeans skirt that was kinda long). After some jokes and flirting that day it became a regular routine for us. Once I knew she was single (she messed with some guy on and off), I jumped at my chance to be with her. Calling her to talk on the phone. Text messages that I know would make her smile. Sweet gestures. Spending time with her was hard at times, but that was there also. Outcome.....she went back to dude. But that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

I ended up having a class with her the very next semester and my feelings for her grew. Joking around in class, flirting, and trying to always be in reach. When she was single again, I threw my hat in the race one more time. This time I went even harder. Landed in the same dorm (by accident) and would walk to her room when I got off work. I can't remember ever putting in such effort for one female. If I said all the little things I did and tried here, this post would be too long. I would question her wife material value at times though when I would see her drunk after parties, but then again, that's what college was about at our age, so I overlooked it. And I definitely hoped many times she would come with me after those parties lol. I even remember going in for a kiss one time and her putting a pause to my effort and telling me "Not yet, we need to be together first". Outcome....she went back to ole dude....but that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

I transferred to another school and so did she. We kept in contact though. Facebook is always a great tool for that lol. But here we were...more mature and ready for settling down (or at least that's what we thought). Talked about plans and what kind of things we would do together. Long phone conversations. Then whenever plans were made....nothing happened. Back then I blamed myself. I was a broke college student with phone problems and no car. Nevertheless, with time I realized something....those days I would still call and message her throughout the times to get in contact with her...while she was unreachable and only once she called back. When I saw the missed call, I repeatedly called back to no avail. Funny thing was...I had broken up with my girl in order to be with her (and my girl knew). Though as you might have expected...the Outcome....she ended up with someone else and I told her I was done chasing her....but that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

So what happens now? I transferred schools again and landed in Albany, NY. Went back with the girl I broke up with (and she followed me to the new school). But here comes Ms. Shay back in my life. We begin talking about how crazy it is that we want to be together with such distance (about 3-4 hrs driving). Nevertheless, we were both willing to give it a try. I was smarter now though, so I didn't break up (yeah, its cheating in a way) and didn't get my hopes high....when my phone calls slowly stopped being answered and she stopped reaching out to me...I let it go. Then when I saw wedding photos...I died a bit inside. We stayed in contact nonetheless...we were friends. Funny how it amused her to hear about the feelings I had though. I loved her. Now was it the same love I had for the two main relationships of my life? No. But it was what it was. Outcome....I'm in Michigan having a thought about her. Will I ever go and try to be with her? Hell No!! I'm a lot smarter now. Never would I be with someone that passed on me for another man. I refuse! Though...I can't even remember the number of times I would sing along with Bob Marley ~ Waiting In Vain (in the hundreds to thousands).

So while you read this and feel sorry for me, I write this and laugh at that idiot that thought he would win her heart. Sometimes you have to be a fool before you can grow. Fool me once...shame on you....fool me all those times and I kept falling for it....I was an idiot lol. We're good in my book and she knows it. After all the B.S. I still have love for you Mrs. Taisha Shay-Owens....or is it Mrs. Taisha Owens?

Try New Search Algorithms: Is Online Dating The Magic Gateway?

I just read a statistic that shows 1/8 marriages last year were from couples who met online. The funny thing about this is...a lot of the people I have met in recent years have been from online. I've made some great friends from Twitter and even had a girlfriend that I met from there. My oldest brother met and married a women he met off Match.com. One of my most important relationships ever was hooked up by a mutual friend after I saw her friend on Facebook. The closest person to me now in Michigan, I met when she hit me up online. And till this day I periodically have multiple phone numbers sent to me from females online that want to hang out and be friends, and some for more than just that. As a matter of fact, I recently went out a date with a girl from twitter. We did decide to be friends though.

But what am I getting at? With the invention of Myspace, which everyone knows is just a spot to find people to hook up with, and the invention of Facebook and Twitter, outlets for staying in contact with people while meeting new and cool people, the world is becoming more internet based. We can have a whole conversation and never say a word to one another. We could keep in contact with one another and never have to reach for a phone or a pen. We are in a world where there are 1,001 ways to be in contact with one another and so why wouldn't this be true.

Some feel that meeting people online is strange and weird. Especially someone to hook up with or maybe go into a relationship with. I honestly don't. Maybe because I'm such a technology person or because I'm a guy without fear of being raped lol. But honestly, there isn't much difference when meeting someone that could be crazy and you meet them in a mall or on a school campus. So what do I say to this new statistic....congrats to those people who found love and are now married. That's it really. Not much I could say. I'm happy for them and hope things work out. I actually saw two groups of people taking pictures after their weddings. Did they meet online? Who knows. But there are tons of ways to meet online. Whether because it was an intention while using e-harmony or by accident while having a debate over a friend's status on Facebook.

My point is...you never know where you will meet the one. So why limit yourself nowadays. But do be careful, some people are uglier than what their pictures show lol. Advancements in technology also means more ways to lie to you.

Is It Snack Time: Time To Give Out Cookies

So I'm a nice person. And I like to give cookies and doggy biscuits to those that deserve it. Thus...here I go.

1. First cookie goes to those that try to show off by posting their GPA online or bragging to friends. Am I jealous? I'm really not. Am I angry with them? No. So what is the issue? Well a lot of things goes into a gpa and how I look at it. First of all, what's your major? If you're a Liberal Arts student, then I would expect a higher GPA. How hard does your course load even get? Second, what classes were you taking that semester? I have a hard degree to just up and get, but there was a semester in college where.....nope...nope....can't remember a semester with easy classes. But I know its possible. So what did you take to be able to really show off....I'll wait. Third, what school do you attend? If you're going to some school anyone with $50 can get into, the course work can't be that hard that you have anything below it the grade you are bragging about. What did I graduate with? A 2.73. Am I happy about it? Yeah...people in my department had lower and I know I worked hard for it. So you can post your 3.73.....but I don't think you want to compare yourself to me.
2. The people that compare themselves to others and belittle them or try and put themselves on a pedestal because they are in college. Like that is the automatic factor that will lead to them being rich. I have friends that have degrees and work at fast food restaurants, retail, stores, or don't have jobs at all. So you're "I'm in college" line is useless in my eyes. Come to me when you have a 5 Year Plan. When you have REALISTIC goals and marks to hit at certain times, with the drive to match of course. That is when I will respect you. So you boasting about "being educated" although some of the dumbest people I have ever met, I met in college because you're in college simply means you went to school longer for some reason, which could have been just to have college fun.
3. People that try to make a point to show that you can be "successful" and rich without working hard in college. The people that support the drug junkies that are too high to do school work all semester, but pass the class somehow. The people that point to people like Waka Flaka and Wiz Khalifa (I think that's how you spell their names) and say they want to be like that. Well I congratulate you. Me....I would rather be the people that signs their checks. That's just me though. But don't get me wrong, I respect the people that are able to have their fun and have great grades to match.
4. The last pack of cookies I'm giving out goes to a certain guy I witness on Divorce Court. What did he do? He went and got married to a crazy woman and he ended up regretting it. What did she do? Well he was a gamer...he wasn't a fun of it...so she first cut his system wires. He replaced them....so she threw it in the oven and cooked it. His son from another relationship had a big baseball game, she took his keys and hid them so he couldn't go...because the child's mother didn't want her there. She was abusive (one of the reasons was because he gave his son more attention). She stole his credit card and had $1,700 charged on it for sex toys. She went and got a boyfriend on the side. Why does he get the cookie? She was too crazy to not see this from the jump. He should have been smart enough to dodge that marriage. People think their partner will change once a ring is in the picture....most times than not...it really wont.

Yes....there are a couple things that annoy me in the world. And like myself, we all judge and have pet peeves. So now you may judge me also lol. But if you find a reason where I deserve a cookie or a biscuit, make sure its my favorite flavor.

Check Your Bag For A Map: The Back Pocket Listing

So there is a video online ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCoI-B9AYjs )...it talks about 42% of African American woman never being married. Now what am I going to talk about? Something I didn't see before, but I see and live it now. What is it? The part where they are talking about men having females in their back pocket and will check up on them now and again.

So when I first saw this video when it first came out, I was laughing at these women because they allowed guys to have them on the "back burner" like that. I was thinking that these females should have better choices in guys. Instead of going with guys that would have them in the back of their head and hit them up now and again randomly to "check up" on them, they would go with guys that really wanted to be with them. But being the older and wiser person that I am and now being the man that has females I periodically check up with, I realized how easy it is to become that man. I have attained many number just over the past two months alone. Do I really use these numbers? Not At All. Why? I have multiple reasons in my head, but don't know which one if any is true. What are they? Let me show you:

1. They are good women, but after the initial conversation, I saw that they and I were not meant for each other.
2. I was only after seeing if I could get the number or not.
3. I got bored with them or found better things.
4. I just like having options.

Now it doesn't matter the looks or the personality traits....some of these girls are sexy and look great. Others are average or ok and have great personality. But there was something about them all that made me not want to truly pursue them further and see where it would lead. There is a female I have been talking to for about a month and a half....we talk every single night on the phone and its a known fact that we will be talking every single day, even if its a short convo. But what separates her from the rest? I don't know honestly. I would give an answer, but I can't say I gave the other females a fair chance. But what is my point here? Not that I'm a player or a pimp, or some guy that can get numbers, I'm saying that as the older I get, the more I learn and although I'm not like every other guy, I have a lot of traits like the rest. So yeah...continue to give me your numbers, but don't think it means I will be calling you lol.

Beware Of The Traps: My Biggest Fear

So I had a conversation with a young lady last night and a topic came up. It was a reminder of something that scared the BeJesus out of me. What is it you may ask?? Well its my only fear in the world. The fear of having a child before I'm ready. *Insert Loud Screaming and Shiver*.

So as you may know by now, I'm 23. And living life alone in Michigan. I'm care free, no responsibilities, no stress, no one to take care of, no one to answer to or worry about. I LOVE my life. I do as I please whenever I want. BUT all of that can end if I was to have a child. Would my life end? No, but it would feel like it. I have so much planned and coming up that it would alter where I'm going in life. There are many things about my life that I have constructed set up in a way that creates an environment of extreme comfort. If a kid popped up in my life, that means I would have to alter my life and think of.......Someone Else!!!!! Scary??? Hells Yes.

I'm not mentally nor financially ready for a child. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't want to do it. I refuse to do it lol. So lets break this down a bit more so its not just some rant. Lets start with the fear itself and what would make it even worse....

1. A baby with a random female. Random meaning someone I didn't plan on marrying and been dating forever lol.
2. A baby with a female that was just trying to trap me. How would I know? After a while my eyes would open up and spot it. Especially if she would rather me pay child support than be with her and the child.

Getting even scarier huh?? Well that is what happens all the time in today's society. No matter the race or social class. It happens. But what I wonder about is how can people in poverty go and have kids? I don't get this at all. If you're living horribly, why would you want to bring in a baby?? Yes, I come from poverty, but I was also lived on a farm when I came into this world. We moved to America thinking things would be our benefit. Now I'm not saying get an abortion or kill a child, but what I am saying is that you should be taking EXTRA Extra precautions lol. Some females want babies but living in the hood. Try to get pregnant to make themselves happy or feel like they have something in their life. Now this is guys also, but its a females body nonetheless. If she didn't want it at the end of the day, she could refuse or take birth control behind a guy's back.

But that leads me to the next issue. These females going around believing guys when they say he wants her to have his baby....but then he won't give her a ring or marry her. That makes no real sense to me. Why? Because if a Man is really ready to have a baby with a Woman and create a life long bond with her....then what's stopping them from just getting married? Chances are he was just talking out his ass and just wanted the sex, he thought it would keep you around, but didn't really want the kid/think it would happen, or he just plain and simple wanted a child, but not you. Either decision or reason here....he's not the guy to go with and having a baby with him is stupid. So don't go on Maury and complain about him saying he wanted the baby, and he is now denying the baby. Be mad at yourself.

Guess that leads us to my last point. The act of sex is great. Love it. The idea of not having sex unless you want to make a baby.....realistic but not really realistic in today's society. Sex is more of a casual and pleasure thing. BUT I will be damned if I get a call from a female saying she is pregnant. I refuse to have a child out of wedlock. When I was younger, I made a lot of mistakes and stupid decisions, that could have resulted in such happening. But Thank God none of it did actually happen. And so I would like to keep my streak going. Having a baby is an important thing, and I think it should be kept for married couples only. When will I be married? Who knows. But I refuse to have to call my parents and say I'm having a baby and there is no ring on my finger. Never. Not I. I don't go and judge the people that have done it...as a matter of fact, most of the people I know with kids are not married. And statistics show that 80% of teenage pregnancy never ends with a marriage.

So ladies, before you go out and sleep around, slip up with the guy you been with, or fall stupid for a guy saying he wants to be your "Baby Daddy".......think about where you're going. I know for a fact a baby is not in my near future.....or at least I'm praying for it to no be like that.

Not Mine, Not Now

Maybe This Maze Isn't For You: The Pre-Nup

This has been a talk I have had a couple times lately with females and it seems as majority of females are against signing it and wont or against it, but still will sign it to get it out of the way. My thing......Sign That Pre-Nup lol. I won't get married without one. You can say I value money over the relationship, you can say I am thinking about the marriage breaking up before it even starts...I care not. What do I care about?? The fact that there are so many females out there that are hungry to get some money....the fact that there are times a female can become bitter and want to screw someone over. And I know what you're thinking.....why not just find a better wife??? Well its not that easy. You can't always tell a female is after money...and you can't know when a female is going to feel bitter and want revenge. That stuff is unpredictable. That is why there is a pre-nup.

Its like insurance for people that want to protect their assets. Just like health insurance is to protect people from paying tons of money in the situation that something did happen.....and death insurance is made to cover the loss of a person with money going to whomever....or even dental plans are for assuring that if something happened with my teeth or a situation popped up...I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. So what is wrong with me saying to you:

"Baby, in the slim situation in which we break up....we should make an agreement from now that we won't become vengeful and want to hurt the other by taking away the things that are theirs"?

 Now you're thinking....well in a marriage everything is shared and an "Us" thing. Lies lol. We all have our own personal things and space. If I have golf clubs, can you use them? Yes. By all means. But its a known fact that those golf clubs are mine and I am allowing you to use them. I don't expect to walk into the bathroom to use your makeup without asking....why? Because its YOUR makeup lol. It is your belonging. Your property. So yes, marriage is about US....but that doesn't mean we don't have personal things.

Like if I am the bread winner and you are a stay at home mother.....Oh Hells Yes being a stay at home mother is a full time job in itself, BUT that does not mean that the money I was bringing in should be split in half after we break up and be given to you. That is crazy. Just as bad as that alimony stuff. I want to find the judges that came up with these things and fight them in a back alley. No way.....No how...am I just going to give my belongings to a female that I am no longer with. You look at stars that pay millions to ex wives or have to come out of pocket because of this stuff. Will I have millions? Don't know yet. But I'll be damned if my money goes to her.

Think about this.....we are happily married and living a great life....then just because we break up and leave one another I have to continually pay for you to keep living the life that you was use to during the marriage.....or having to give up 50% of everything... WHY?? We are no longer together. You shouldn't get to have that life anymore.