Care About My Maze?: So How Much Luggage Are You Checking?

Before I go in...let me state that this is the closest to my actual person life I've been on this blog. Its weird, but I felt there was something that could help females out there in the world....well at least entertain and create thought to those that read this blog anyways. Why don't I do it more often? Well people randomly tell me all the time that they read my blog. People I would have never expected. So excuse me if I am hesitant at times lol. Especially if what is in my head is about them. But what is this all about? Bringing baggage into a starting relationship.

So lets start with girl A since she was first. We began talking and off the back she isn't my type whatsoever, but we weren't initially thinking about dating anyways. Was just going to be a fun time. Then our long conversations turned into the feeling of 'Like' (which I can't see it getting anywhere past). And while my friends looked at me confused because I was talking about dating this female (just for the fun of it), one thing stood out about our conversations...She Kept Talking About Her Exes and Other Guys. Like seriously...why the heck do you think I would care? What do they have to do with me? Guys only need to know a couple things.

1, Why you guys broke up.
2, Do you talk now
3, Is there a chance of you guys getting back together.

And those questions don't need to be asked. They could just be found out with time. But there is no reason at all you need to be over there telling me on the phone about some other dude. I Don't Care. When she would talk about him, I would ignore the entire thing. Till this day I don't know what happened with them except for a pregnancy issue she keeps talking about. Other than that....I zone the hell out lol. I honestly don't even know why they broke up, but that is because of me zoning out so much. She would talk about other sexual partners she had and about the list of guys she gave a title to or had them eat her out. And here we are talking about being a couple and dating. Why the heck do I need this info??

As I write this, it makes me think about my last girlfriend...who would do the same exact thing, except even worse. She would come to me about the guys she's been with sexually and give details. Like what giving head to one guy was like and how it smelled. She would tell me all kinds of things about the dudes before me. And I would shut her down immediately each time and remind her that I don't care and that it made her sound like a hoe. Did I use that word? I don't think I did. I might have been nicer. But over time of hearing this stuff, that word did pop out of my mouth. I don't need to know what every guy you been with feels like inside you...I don't want to hear about how they all thought your "pu**y was the best" or how your head game always made them cum. You are only digging a deeper hole for yourself.

But that brings me to girl B. She was new. Things only lasted a bit over a week with her. Text conversations went well. She called me refreshing and said it was great to be talking to me. She was cool, so I basically said the same back. Ladies, know that if you compliment me, I will prob just compliment you back or use your own compliment on you. Do I mean it? Maybe, maybe not. But I'm not big on compliments. Our first date...I can't even count how many references she made about her exes. She talked on and on about her past relationships. From being engaged to thinking some guy was the one and not being able to see herself in love like that with any other guy. And the countless dudes she thought she would marry or end up with turning out to be flops. She would even go into telling me how many guys she know that have been hitting her up for sex lately. Doesn't help that we started following each other on twitter and she keeps talking about her ex lately and how guys hurt her (I didn't notice that stuff beforehand, or I would have never went out with her). But what did I do on the date? I ignored that crap. I don't care about the last dude. Why are you telling me about your past relationships? Do you think I really care?? I keep repeating these questions because I'm confused as to why females do this. No One Cares Or Wants To Hear It. So after spending time with her another day and hearing more crap about other guys and needing someone different...she told me she was "sorry for leading me on, but not ready for a relationship right now". I bust out laughing when I got that text. Why? Because I had already really had her in the friend zone. It was really a lie on her part because of her multiple signs of her telling me I was someone she wanted to continue things with (from us talking about being more physical, her counting out how many dates we been on or will go on, making future plans for us, telling me she wanted to take things slow with me or how great I was doing with her, and giving me pointers to what will have her put up a wall). But what was wrong with her that she was in the friend zone? I don't know a hardcore answer...but that stuff about other guys definitely didn't help her outlook to me lol.

Basically people...no one wants to hear about your baggage. I have a lot of females in my past. But that's the past. I keep them there. UNLESS you ask me about them, I will only disclose my very last relationship and ONLY say why we broke up or why I'm single. I've met COUNTLESS females that talk about exes. Age doesn't matter with that. I was just talking to a 30 year old female talking about the same thing on the phone (and one of her exes being Terrell Owens, who's now on the Cincinnati Bengals) . She went on and on about past relationships and went into complaining about her job for 15 minutes. More stuff that's unattractive and don't want around me. Your stuff from your last relationship does not need to be in your new relationship. Either keep it to yourself and try to move on or forget it in the past somehow.

Please...check your baggage before doing anything else. And if you have too much, that's not a good look either. No person wants someone that brings way too much with them. Especially when you're just getting to know one another. I thought everyone knew this. I thought everyone knew not to go on and on about exes though lol. The things you learn in the dating scene.

Happy With Your Choices?: Is It Love?

I wanna love you and treat you right....I wanna love you every day and every night.......................Is this love - is this love - is this love -Is this love that I'm feelin'?

I can only imagine how many kids were being created to this Bob Marley song. I promised a friend of mine I would talk about love in a post, so.....here I am. But the question is...what do I have to really say about love? Currently I only love my family and close friends. Have I ever been in love though? Yeah. I've said the L word multiple times in my life, and thought I felt it, but honestly only think I've felt it two times in my entire life. First girl.....Nicole. The second....Antoinette. The potential.....Camille lol. Yes I said potential. I'll explain why in a bit.

Nicole...I met her in church in my sophomore yr of high school. I remember thinking in my head that she was beautiful and looked too good for me (I don't think about anyone that way anymore lol). We had a mutual associate and he introduced us randomly. I kept telling myself that it was no point meeting her since she would never want to talk to a guy like me. But after a church trip that changed our relationship....we moved to the "talking" phase. It started as us just wanting to "kick it" with each other, but it wasn't happening since I thought she lived further than she actually did. But after a year of on and off talking, I went to her house, was seduced, and she became my girl. November 2, 2004. Got engaged at the end of our senior yr of high school. Our plan was to get married after college. So what did we do? We went off to college away from one another. Talked less. Saw each other 1 time during the school year. And a string of actions cause me to not trust her and leave her...but because we still loved one another...the plan was to get back together after college and tell one another nothing about our experiences in college.

Antoinette....met her through a friend (well my friend's girlfriend at the time). First time I met her...I thought slim and not my type. But a very physical relationship started after that. It was summer time and when we really started dating and she wasn't girlfriend material. But because of convenience, we continued to mess around. What can I say though...we grew on each other. She fell in love with me and I would begin to include her in my life more and would stay with me in college. Somehow we kept our convenience. She lives 1.5 hrs away and school 30 minutes...but spent days on end together. This would be the second place we really lived together. The first being a friend's place in the summer. What happened after 2.5 yrs of living together and everyone expecting you to get married some day? Although her fam loved me, and mine loved her......she was open to me and my transition in life and me open to hers....but I wasn't happy with all our arguing. No faster way to drain me than to argue all the time with me. So after her doing things behind my back and making a last attempt to recover things....she ended up with a guy I didn't like and was a "friend" to her.

Camille...I met her doing community service in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. She went to my old college. We ended up liking one another and as I saw how smart she was and fun to be around...that only increased. We tried becoming more serious, but a lack of effort to see me made me leave. I need to see my girl and whenever I tried, she would be AWOL. Can't go months without seeing a girlfriend that lived 10 minutes at times and 30 minutes during school breaks. Ended before love could arrive, but it could have happened.

So where is the love now? Nicole, after dating other guys became a guy hater and we ended up never talking again (I'm serious when I tell girls if you don't respond to me, then I will cut you off). Antoinette is happy with her boyfriend and I am happy for her. We both moved on well and talk now and again. When they started dating she told me that she wants to have fun and be with him....then maybe we could be together in the future....but I don't go with females that once let me go. Camille...we talk here and there. I feel as if no matter what happens in our lives, I will somehow end up with her. She means a lot to me and I mean a lot to her. Will I love again? Yeah, sure. Why not. No point in being unhappy. Those 3 relationships were great relationships to me. Great Relationships. Problems and all.

I won't wait around and let it come...I'm the guy, I have to go find the girl, BUT....the love shall find me. One song I would sing often though when I was down about a girl.......

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love.

From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, girl,

My heart says follow t'rough.

But I know, now, that I'm way down on your line,

But the waitin' feel is fine:

So don't treat me like a puppet on a string,

'Cause I know I have to do my thing.

Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb;

I wanna know when you're gonna come - soon.

  ~Bob Marley, Waiting In Vain

How Important Is Your Next Decision: What Means The Most To Me

Recently I had a debate with some of my followers on twitter on the matter of Respect. Oddly enough, most did not view the concept of Respect the way I did. For some reason people see Respect as being a common courtesy. But to me, if you give out Respect to everyone, then that dilutes (water down lol) the value of your Respect. Think about it...if I send a good morning text to everyone in my phone book every morning, then people will expect it and its just something that I do. Not something they care about much, just something I do. Then what is the outcome...? The value of my good morning text loses value and richness. It is no longer something special. Its the same with Respect. If I have Respect for every single person I see and meet, then that means that having my Respect isn't a special thing. Why? Because everyone else has it.

Now do I think you should disrespect others? No. Not at all. People should be treated the way that you want to be treated and given common courtesies...BUT.....Respect is not one of them. For me to Respect you, you must earn it in some way. Whether by the way you think, the things you're doing with your life, or even just how you go about things. Actions and Train of Thought are more important things than people let on sometimes. So I hold my Respect very highly. And refuse to just give it to anyone. Other things I'm big on....Loyalty and Trust. Maybe its because I was raised on mob movies as a little kid instead of cartoon movies and family movies. Single digit age range and learning certain values of life from Carlito telling his cousin in Carlito's Way that "A favor will kill you faster than a bullet" or the intensity behind Sonnie telling the bikers in A Bronx Tale "Now yous can't leave". Those are the things that made me who I am today in many ways.

My Loyalty...is golden. Once you have me on your team, I'm there until the end. Whatever you're in need of, I will try my very best to get it for you. Thinking about it, I'm like a dog in many ways. You feed a dog and he will always stay at your side. No matter what happens to that dog....if you're the person feeding him...he will be open to losing his life for you. And that is me. What do you feed me? Your Loyalty. What do I picture when I say Loyalty? A king and his knights. Who's the king? Well this role is interchangeable. When I am thinking about who I have Loyalty for...I'm the knight...and in reverse for those with Loyalty for me. I don't think there will ever be a way to explain what Loyalty means to me. But one thing is for sure, those that call me their brother or close friend....they know how Loyal I am. And know what I would go through to be at their side.

Trust, this is something deep for me. I never saw myself being able to trust people. Mob movie rule number one....never trust people lol. I use to think about my mother trying to kill me at times with the food she made. Crazy? Yeah, I guess. But I have always been a paranoid person. Then more than now. But I trusted nothing around me. Until you've had people running around 40 deep (no exaggeration) looking for you....people following you from class to class to know your schedule.....or even being "Marked" by local gang members...then you don't know why my paranoia was there. But these things happened to me, and the mob movies prepared me, and being paranoid saved my life. So as the situations arose, I knew what to do and made it out with only a hip injury. My Trust, when it comes to females is pretty low also. Its another thing that you have to earn with me. At the very most nowadays, I give a short level of trust to people...and they build/destroy it from there.

I guess its a no brainer why I was called General by every single person that knew me (outside of my teaching experience) from the end of my high school years to the end of my college career. Yes that includes many of my professors lol. And anyone that didn't call me such.....were dis-communicated expeditiously. So if you ever have the honor of being Respected by my, Trusted by me, and having my Loyalty....then there is nothing you can't ask for and nothing you can't achieve. Because I will be there to push and support you.

My favorite General:

 The Honorable General Robert E. Lee

Fought for the wrong side, but did it well

Outlasting several Union generals during the Civil War

And became a known icon for the Civil War