Beware Of The Traps: My Biggest Fear

So I had a conversation with a young lady last night and a topic came up. It was a reminder of something that scared the BeJesus out of me. What is it you may ask?? Well its my only fear in the world. The fear of having a child before I'm ready. *Insert Loud Screaming and Shiver*.

So as you may know by now, I'm 23. And living life alone in Michigan. I'm care free, no responsibilities, no stress, no one to take care of, no one to answer to or worry about. I LOVE my life. I do as I please whenever I want. BUT all of that can end if I was to have a child. Would my life end? No, but it would feel like it. I have so much planned and coming up that it would alter where I'm going in life. There are many things about my life that I have constructed set up in a way that creates an environment of extreme comfort. If a kid popped up in my life, that means I would have to alter my life and think of.......Someone Else!!!!! Scary??? Hells Yes.

I'm not mentally nor financially ready for a child. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't want to do it. I refuse to do it lol. So lets break this down a bit more so its not just some rant. Lets start with the fear itself and what would make it even worse....

1. A baby with a random female. Random meaning someone I didn't plan on marrying and been dating forever lol.
2. A baby with a female that was just trying to trap me. How would I know? After a while my eyes would open up and spot it. Especially if she would rather me pay child support than be with her and the child.

Getting even scarier huh?? Well that is what happens all the time in today's society. No matter the race or social class. It happens. But what I wonder about is how can people in poverty go and have kids? I don't get this at all. If you're living horribly, why would you want to bring in a baby?? Yes, I come from poverty, but I was also lived on a farm when I came into this world. We moved to America thinking things would be our benefit. Now I'm not saying get an abortion or kill a child, but what I am saying is that you should be taking EXTRA Extra precautions lol. Some females want babies but living in the hood. Try to get pregnant to make themselves happy or feel like they have something in their life. Now this is guys also, but its a females body nonetheless. If she didn't want it at the end of the day, she could refuse or take birth control behind a guy's back.

But that leads me to the next issue. These females going around believing guys when they say he wants her to have his baby....but then he won't give her a ring or marry her. That makes no real sense to me. Why? Because if a Man is really ready to have a baby with a Woman and create a life long bond with her....then what's stopping them from just getting married? Chances are he was just talking out his ass and just wanted the sex, he thought it would keep you around, but didn't really want the kid/think it would happen, or he just plain and simple wanted a child, but not you. Either decision or reason here....he's not the guy to go with and having a baby with him is stupid. So don't go on Maury and complain about him saying he wanted the baby, and he is now denying the baby. Be mad at yourself.

Guess that leads us to my last point. The act of sex is great. Love it. The idea of not having sex unless you want to make a baby.....realistic but not really realistic in today's society. Sex is more of a casual and pleasure thing. BUT I will be damned if I get a call from a female saying she is pregnant. I refuse to have a child out of wedlock. When I was younger, I made a lot of mistakes and stupid decisions, that could have resulted in such happening. But Thank God none of it did actually happen. And so I would like to keep my streak going. Having a baby is an important thing, and I think it should be kept for married couples only. When will I be married? Who knows. But I refuse to have to call my parents and say I'm having a baby and there is no ring on my finger. Never. Not I. I don't go and judge the people that have done it...as a matter of fact, most of the people I know with kids are not married. And statistics show that 80% of teenage pregnancy never ends with a marriage.

So ladies, before you go out and sleep around, slip up with the guy you been with, or fall stupid for a guy saying he wants to be your "Baby Daddy".......think about where you're going. I know for a fact a baby is not in my near future.....or at least I'm praying for it to no be like that.

Not Mine, Not Now

Do You Really Want To Make That Turn: The Single Mothers Story

No....no....no....this is not going to be about how much anger I have for single mothers. I actually have a lot of admiration for the single mothers THAT ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. Its a tough job being a parent much less a single one. I know there is a lot of self conflict that can come up with a child for not having a mother or father in their life, but for the people that are out there doing it, doing it right, and then on top of that not leaving the child with any internal scars.....thank you. I love seeing people battle against statistics and "Rules" to be a standout. Great job to you guys.

What this is about though is my thoughts on dating a single mother. The Good.....The Bad.....and The Ugly. That's what I think of it. I mean come on now, I am 23 and would like to meet a good young woman, but so many of the females I am seeing have kids already. Nothing wrong with making the decision to have a child. Children are blessings. Thank you for giving life and doing what God wanted you to do (BUT ONLY THE GOOD MOTHERS). But there is a lot that comes with that child and I have met a lot of single mothers that are holding up the true title of Woman...while handling their business as a mother.....BUT are single at the end of the day. Maybe its because some guys feel the way I do. How do I feel? Well let me share....

The Good

From the females that I have met, they are ready to settle down and have a full family together. Why do they make this decision? I guess because they still want that FULL family feel. Which I can't blame. We all want that at the end of the day. You hear females scream that they can be a single parent and be set for life.....that's her really screaming....I'm angry I dont have the father her....but she wants a good man in the picture. So if a guy is ready to start a family (this one is instant family), be a part of one....or even find a woman that has the traits he would want the mother of his kids to have (which she should have by now as a mother already) then its great for him.

The Bad

A lot of things can just not be right. The kids might not like the guy. The friends might feel a strong connection with the situation the woman is in and might not approve of the guy period. The man might not want to take on such responsibilities as yet in his life. He could want to start his own family instead of jumping into one already up and running. The concepts and situations with this situation can be bad in many ways.

The Ugly: My opinion on the matter when it comes to me in that situation

Unless there are certain things covered....I refuse to be in that situation. One of the more important....how much is the father of the kids in the life. Lets be real about this....having a child together is a life long connection. No matter what happens with the child or the relationship between the two partners. And a lot of the time.....when a person has a child with someone else....they feel as if that person still kinda belongs to them. So the chance of them having sex even if they are not in a relationship is higher than if he was just some guy the female dated. If there is no sex, there is still the chance of drama. I stay away from drama. I'm too young to stress about anyone or anything. I like just living my life. Another issue for me...we are starting a relationship and getting to know one another....and a child just adds to the complication. The "Getting to know you period" is sensitive enough without any other factors. I rather not deal with that. And the last of the top issues I have with it....I don't want to have to deal with a child right now. Some females don't want you being a father figure anyways, but I would still have to be around the child some time. I love children, but not trying to have to deal with that in my life right now. Rather keep things simple and easy and see where it goes.