Check Your Bag For A Map: The Back Pocket Listing

So there is a video online ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCoI-B9AYjs )...it talks about 42% of African American woman never being married. Now what am I going to talk about? Something I didn't see before, but I see and live it now. What is it? The part where they are talking about men having females in their back pocket and will check up on them now and again.

So when I first saw this video when it first came out, I was laughing at these women because they allowed guys to have them on the "back burner" like that. I was thinking that these females should have better choices in guys. Instead of going with guys that would have them in the back of their head and hit them up now and again randomly to "check up" on them, they would go with guys that really wanted to be with them. But being the older and wiser person that I am and now being the man that has females I periodically check up with, I realized how easy it is to become that man. I have attained many number just over the past two months alone. Do I really use these numbers? Not At All. Why? I have multiple reasons in my head, but don't know which one if any is true. What are they? Let me show you:

1. They are good women, but after the initial conversation, I saw that they and I were not meant for each other.
2. I was only after seeing if I could get the number or not.
3. I got bored with them or found better things.
4. I just like having options.

Now it doesn't matter the looks or the personality traits....some of these girls are sexy and look great. Others are average or ok and have great personality. But there was something about them all that made me not want to truly pursue them further and see where it would lead. There is a female I have been talking to for about a month and a half....we talk every single night on the phone and its a known fact that we will be talking every single day, even if its a short convo. But what separates her from the rest? I don't know honestly. I would give an answer, but I can't say I gave the other females a fair chance. But what is my point here? Not that I'm a player or a pimp, or some guy that can get numbers, I'm saying that as the older I get, the more I learn and although I'm not like every other guy, I have a lot of traits like the rest. So yeah...continue to give me your numbers, but don't think it means I will be calling you lol.

Happy With Your Choices?: Is It Love?

I wanna love you and treat you right....I wanna love you every day and every night.......................Is this love - is this love - is this love -Is this love that I'm feelin'?

I can only imagine how many kids were being created to this Bob Marley song. I promised a friend of mine I would talk about love in a post, so.....here I am. But the question is...what do I have to really say about love? Currently I only love my family and close friends. Have I ever been in love though? Yeah. I've said the L word multiple times in my life, and thought I felt it, but honestly only think I've felt it two times in my entire life. First girl.....Nicole. The second....Antoinette. The potential.....Camille lol. Yes I said potential. I'll explain why in a bit.

Nicole...I met her in church in my sophomore yr of high school. I remember thinking in my head that she was beautiful and looked too good for me (I don't think about anyone that way anymore lol). We had a mutual associate and he introduced us randomly. I kept telling myself that it was no point meeting her since she would never want to talk to a guy like me. But after a church trip that changed our relationship....we moved to the "talking" phase. It started as us just wanting to "kick it" with each other, but it wasn't happening since I thought she lived further than she actually did. But after a year of on and off talking, I went to her house, was seduced, and she became my girl. November 2, 2004. Got engaged at the end of our senior yr of high school. Our plan was to get married after college. So what did we do? We went off to college away from one another. Talked less. Saw each other 1 time during the school year. And a string of actions cause me to not trust her and leave her...but because we still loved one another...the plan was to get back together after college and tell one another nothing about our experiences in college.

Antoinette....met her through a friend (well my friend's girlfriend at the time). First time I met her...I thought slim and not my type. But a very physical relationship started after that. It was summer time and when we really started dating and she wasn't girlfriend material. But because of convenience, we continued to mess around. What can I say though...we grew on each other. She fell in love with me and I would begin to include her in my life more and would stay with me in college. Somehow we kept our convenience. She lives 1.5 hrs away and school 30 minutes...but spent days on end together. This would be the second place we really lived together. The first being a friend's place in the summer. What happened after 2.5 yrs of living together and everyone expecting you to get married some day? Although her fam loved me, and mine loved her......she was open to me and my transition in life and me open to hers....but I wasn't happy with all our arguing. No faster way to drain me than to argue all the time with me. So after her doing things behind my back and making a last attempt to recover things....she ended up with a guy I didn't like and was a "friend" to her.

Camille...I met her doing community service in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. She went to my old college. We ended up liking one another and as I saw how smart she was and fun to be around...that only increased. We tried becoming more serious, but a lack of effort to see me made me leave. I need to see my girl and whenever I tried, she would be AWOL. Can't go months without seeing a girlfriend that lived 10 minutes at times and 30 minutes during school breaks. Ended before love could arrive, but it could have happened.

So where is the love now? Nicole, after dating other guys became a guy hater and we ended up never talking again (I'm serious when I tell girls if you don't respond to me, then I will cut you off). Antoinette is happy with her boyfriend and I am happy for her. We both moved on well and talk now and again. When they started dating she told me that she wants to have fun and be with him....then maybe we could be together in the future....but I don't go with females that once let me go. Camille...we talk here and there. I feel as if no matter what happens in our lives, I will somehow end up with her. She means a lot to me and I mean a lot to her. Will I love again? Yeah, sure. Why not. No point in being unhappy. Those 3 relationships were great relationships to me. Great Relationships. Problems and all.

I won't wait around and let it come...I'm the guy, I have to go find the girl, BUT....the love shall find me. One song I would sing often though when I was down about a girl.......

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love.

From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, girl,

My heart says follow t'rough.

But I know, now, that I'm way down on your line,

But the waitin' feel is fine:

So don't treat me like a puppet on a string,

'Cause I know I have to do my thing.

Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb;

I wanna know when you're gonna come - soon.

  ~Bob Marley, Waiting In Vain

How Much Further?: Never Saw This Coming

Recently I've made a decision to put my efforts into attending University of Michigan for my masters. Now this is a big thing for me. I don't think its a big deal with people that went/go to University of Michigan, and definitely not something big for people that already live in Michigan (because MSU and UofM are like the schools you just go to here)......but for me...its EVERYTHING. You have to remember who this is coming from. I'm a person that didn't even hear of University of Michigan until I was already in college. Didn't think about going to a division one school until I already graduated college. Yes, the college I graduated from was Division 1, but it was Division 1AA, which is different. Now I am putting forward my efforts for a school that has a huge amount of history, tradition, and a BIG name. Guys like me don't think about going to a school like Michigan. Guys like me dream about just going to college and graduating. NONE of who I am today is who I was years  ago. Before I was only about graduating and having a good job. NOW....I'm about progressing and being as successful as possible.

But wait...you ask what kind of Guy am I exactly?? Well I'm a guy that grew up in the projects with a small vision. You could tell me "the sky's the limit" and I am going to say it to myself, but end of the day I didn't see that. The people around me were all poor. The successful people were the people NOT in the projects. Not that they lived well, but they didn't live in the projects. So that was my dream....not living in the projects anymore. You have a guy coming from a household where his mother was a nursing aid working two jobs. Sometimes waking up at 5:20am (Exactly!), to go outside and wait for the bus (3 buses to be exact), work with old people all day.....get off at 3pm, then run to a second job where she didn't get off until 11pm, and had to walk home in the dark through the projects and the streets. Then my father.....he was a janitor at a kid's community center. So yeah...I had hard working parents.....but I was still a Product of My Environment. And its not easy telling someone that feels trapped in his community with no money to see the outside world that he can go to a Division 1 school....when he doesn't even know what a Division 1 school is....or a division for that matter. Never heard of Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Never had a job pay more than minimum wage much less a benefits package. Coming from a neighborhood where there were 2 police stations within a block and police mobile stations on my block. Just a place where the people I considered rich were my aunt and uncle, that had a house. But why were they rich to me? Because they had food they could get up and go eat at any time. They weren't ducking on the ground to bullets outside their window. Not having mice run over their feet as they watched tv. And especially since they weren't woken up by roaches crawling them at night. So yeah.....that is what kind of guy I'm talking about.

So that's what I am saying. That a boy that saw his parents work hard for everything they ever had....that pictured his life still being in the hood...BUT outside of the projects..........So when I say I'm going to the University of Michigan....its not just a big deal to him........its a big deal to everyone that knows hims.

In 2005, months before I started college...my friends and I were in an apartment just having a good time and they were drinking. Even though they were tipsy and some drunk, they told me they were proud and that I was the only one capable of making it out the projects and surviving. So on my school book bag with white out I wrote:  "All Eyes On Me". People that didn't know me would talk behind my back (females especially) and laugh at this as if I didn't hear them. They thought it was me being cocky. Honestly....its a feeling then that I never lost....that I'm the one that made it out the projects and I have everyone still there watching me now and hoping I make them proud still. So as I feel like crying through all the things I've seen and hold back tears that need not to come out.....I announce....one more time.....that I'm aiming for University of Michigan!

Its A Place Known By Many....But A Place I Called Home

No You Can't See Through The Wall: True Blessings

This is a response to people that may get my post before confused:
Understand Where You Stand - My Support.

Some people look at the end and say its luck. Some look at the now and swear things were just handed to me. Others feel jealousy for what they weren't "given". Then there are those that see everything as a challenge. I'm one of the people that sees things as a challenge. I see everything as motivation. Things that will propel me or make me fight harder. Why have I been like this my whole life? Because I came up poor and my family had too much pride.

My mother looked at me when I got the job that I currently have.....and she called it luck. I can't remember the last time I wanted to fight my own mother lol. Nothing I have is luck. Everything I have....I worked hard to get it, with let downs and sacrifices. How did I get this job? Starts from my college days. 1st college, I worked full time while enrolled full time, but a miscommunication between a professor led to a failing grade which she was not able to take off. So the school I had planned on transferring to and dreamed about since middle school (Stony Brook), I was not able to attend. Transferred to Farmingdale State College because of financial problems and worked another job with full time hours while enrolled in school full time. After bad grades and a need to leave Long Island came.....I went to Univ at Albany.....*insert groovy music*

When at Farmingdale, I took 2 programming classes. First one....I got a C. Second one....I dropped. So here I was at UAlbany taking one...and what happens....I get a B+ (I never went to class, so that cut my grade from a A+). I asked the professor to take me on and tell me what I should be doing....he did and even better he allowed me to teach the course the very next semester. When that semester came...an email went out asking for a teaching assistant for a software class I never took and didn't know how to do....so what did I do? I told him to give me a book and trust me lol. I leapfrogged the entire class mid semester in order to teach them for the rest of the semester. Having this skill and language now on my resume, I won an internship with Computer Sciences Corporation (a company bigger than most people will ever know) for the summer. Worked full time while being a full time student that summer also. But passed everything with a 3.33 gpa for the summer semester.

Fall semester....more teaching lol. Took on teaching robots and more languages while taking 6 classes (3 of which were core). Spring semester...took 7 classes (one of which being a thesis and 3 of them being core classes), taught 2 (one of which I had to learn on the spot), studied and tested out of 2 courses so I could graduate on time (calculus 2 and 3), tutoring students and mentoring African American students in my department, being involved in events for my group (MSA ~ Muslim Student Association), while job hunting (being turned down by multiple companies) and maintaining a relationship (which was long distance). In other words.....I woke up...went to my PC every morning and began work....no real going out....and no real socializing, but was able to still see my friends and play video games with them. So you see why I don't like anyone calling my achievements...."Luck".

If you want to go before my college days and talk about me eating just rice and butter for dinner, we could. Lunch being just a slice of bologna with no bread....or we can talk about sandwiches consisting of bread and pancake syrup. My wardrobe being full of hand downs from my brother and extended family. Better yet, how about we discuss the beatings I would get from my parents for answering their math or reading questions wrong. Not being allowed to eat until you figure out how to read something given to you. Or the constant beating myself down (figuratively and literally) for not being a better student and smarter person. Slapping myself at night when alone because I couldn't solve a math problem. Then we can talk about how hard I worked in high school outside of the curriculum. Being on the Chemistry Olympiad team, going to teachers and asking for more work so my skills would grow. People think I'm some insanely smart person. NO!!!! I just have a special way of seeing problems and I work hard enough with what I was given. So I am blessed to be where I am. And blessed to have what I have.

Sidenote: My family and I have never been on ANY form of assistance whatsoever. My family is too proud to accept any gov't assistance. Whatever we didn't have.....we didn't have. End of story.

So Dont You Dare Call My Hard Work And Blessing "Luck"

Understand Where You Stand: My Support System

I advocate everyone to get a supporting cast. Whether they are all on your level or better than you. But get a team. Someone to be in your corner at all times and have internal competitions with. I love my team and my family. They help me so much....mostly in ways they don't even know about.

My Team
Made up of 5 other guys that I met and grew up with from high school. We all kept in contact, most of which has been through Facebook and by phone. I don't remember the official start of my team, but very happy at how things turned out for us. Titus, is a Project Manager at CBS and handles all new shows and pilots. Brennan has his degree in Criminal Justice from RIT and shipping off to the Air Force in the next two months. Branden is a father of two and working as an Electrician in Manhattan/Queens. Ilbert, the latest addition, has his degree and going for another in Graphic Design at FIT, a brother of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc., doing freelance graphics for companies and currently interning with a company in Manhattan. Michael, he's finishing up his degree in Accounting/Economics at Univ of Buffalo and working at HSBC handling the bills and claims processed by his sector. And me.....I'm just me lol. No worries about that. But I love those guys. They give me the much needed competition and reminders I need that success is not given, but earned.


My Family
My sister is cut throat. She will be the first to tell you about yourself. She will bite her tongue for no one. Man....Woman....Groups of people....officials....my sister will not back down from you....even though she's just 5'5 or something lol. But I love that about her. She has multiple degrees in the field of biology and working as a study coordinator for cancer research at a well known hospital in New York City. My brother also has multiple degrees in Sociology and Radiology (which he tried to convince me to get into). He's a hustler and a hard working man. He took me under his wing growing up and was a father to me. Taught me most of the lessons I know today....even the ones I had to burn my hand to have it really set in. But he's a radiologist at another well known hospital in New York City. My eldest sibling....I didn't fully grow up with him since he wasn't always around. But he is one of the smartest people I know.....wait.....correction...he is the smartest person I know lol. He told me many things growing up that I didn't want to listen to because we are in separate generations, but as time went on....I learned how much I should have listened and learned. The great thing is....I have him in my life to help me grow in my career and with my financial decisions in life. He has about four degrees. A degree from college in Jamaica (our home country and where we were all born), two degrees in Industrial Engineering, and his MBA. So of course he went from being an engineer and working for top companies to landing in Oregon. I don't know when...since it was news to me....but he went and converted over to the field of marketing. I respect it completely and wish him the best. I definitely want my finances like his though. I even finally told him of a internal competition I have with him. Basically....I want to start making 6 figures before he did it. My aim....when I'm 30. Wish me luck. 

And don't be confused, everyone in this picture has angered me in some way shape or form, but the main point is that they stuck by me and I stuck by them. My Team and My Family........it shouldn't make you feel any other way than angry. Why anger? Either because you don't have a support system like mine and you feel you need to beat me out.....OR....you feel yours is better and feel you need to put me even further behind you in the race to success and just shut me up. You choose. But I'm just here to inspire.

You Can See It If You Weren't Looking: Death To.....

Trust Gentleman....that's the name I went by on a couple different sites. Why? Because I feel as if I am. Wouldn't make a name from it if I didn't feel that way. Why did I go and leave it behind in the trash? Well there are multiple reasons really. And a lot of it is because of twitter.

On twitter....most of the people I follow are females....and continuously I had to block females that showed themselves to be hoodrats or just tweet things I don't feel like seeing. So what did all these females cause? A mental fatigue. Seeing nonstop tweets coming from females that are just......sad.....but then they complain about guys all the time. Multiple females going down a list of reasons why guys are sorry, broke, not up to their standards....but then showing tweets later that they are nothing more than booty call worthy. Seeing this all the time at first amused me and gave me a good laugh....but it gets annoying over time. I went from wanting happiness for all females to wanting happiness to those that deserve it.

When I was younger is when I learned to stop being nice to everyone. And I guess I didn't FULLY learn this lesson because I was still treating all females the same......in a good way. But I realized that females need to be treated the way they show themselves to be. Treat hoes like hoes and not care about them. Treat real women like women and give them what they deserve. Didn't say I was going to disrespect anyone...but I wont be treating all females the same.

The next reason....I haven't been feeling like a gentleman lately. Yes majority of females see me in this light and feel I am a gentleman....but I guess it all goes back to having Nice Guy Syndrome when I was younger. I left it and became a player for years and did me....but then I grew up and realized I should be thinking about my future....so i guess a part of me went back to the concept of treating all females in a good way....but with my new revelation of treating females the way their actions tell me to treat them....I started doing less nice things to/for people. And so my train of thought left that zone. Now I just go with the thought that I'm a Renaissance Man...which describes me (A person whose expertise spans a significant number of different subject areas).

So am I no longer a gentleman because I don't treat every female great? I think I still am one....but now just a smarter one. Guess end of the day its the death of a sap. Only down side? My follower count on twitter doesn't move as fast, I don't get retweeted as much lol. Things that don't really matter to me anyways. So I guess it was worth it. Less for me to think and worry about.....and still know that one female will have my all.

Sometimes Real Men Know When To Run And Start A New

See The Temptation On The RIght?: Juice

I went from being 160 in high school to 220 my freshman year of college.

I went from maxing out on a bench press at 115 or 135 and struggling...to putting up 229.

No juicing. No supplements. Just eating everything in sight, playing sports and working out. I worked in a gym my freshman year of college, so I was able to work, get paid, study for school/do homework, and I was set.

Then...I supplemented on and off. Last time was a year ago. Broke up with the girlfriend of 2.5 yrs and wanted to be bigger and in better shape. Would have gotten rid of stress and gave me a distraction. What happened?? School work. A major that calls for round the clock work and days of horrible eating and stress while something is due in 3 weeks. It broke my pattern and then I stopped going. What was I taking? Energy supplements, whey protein, and testosterone pills.

Now....I'm on and off this P90X workout. I keep slipping because of work and laziness. To work out, you need a pattern. Without that pattern, you fail. My problem is sticking to a pattern. And yes....I am supplementing right now. Same things as before, but now the best stuff on the market. What are the side effects of the testosterone pills? They say your balls shrink, but I never saw a change. They say mood swings and all type of stuff....my friends havent seen a difference. I guess that's why I feel its not fully working lol. Last time I was massive. Putting up weight I never did before. Like squatting 500lbs and doing 675lbs on the leg press. I guess I have get back on track with my juicing.

Risk The Darkness or Fly Straight: Judgement Day

"Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he or she doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today" ~Malcolm X

Ever since I could remember I was leading others. My direct family and my extended family are big on being a leader and not following what others do. But I would be a liar if I said I always followed this route. At times I would do some really idiotic things and then find a reason for it...when usually the real reason was the people I was around. I blamed things on my environment. I blamed things on wrong place and time. In reality...I was just a kid looking for fun. But being an semi-adult (Adult is a big word) now and come to realize that people are not like who I am...but what's the problem you ask? A lot of them do now what I did before and the problem lies with how I look at them sometimes. Purpose? Yes and No. Yes, because he helps me filter the people I want around me. No, because I know where I came from and just want to help others.

What's the point of all this crazy talk? I'm just saying sorry I guess. Sorry to the people that would curse all the time. To the people that call each other nigga like there is no better word to use. The slackers, procrastinators, and excuse makers. Everyone that does things now that I did before. I don't look down on you, but I do look at you and wonder why. Then I stop and remember....that its just easier. Not cursing is harder and less fun than cursing. Not doing work and making an excuse for it being late can lead to more fun on that Friday night. So yeah, sometimes I need a reality check. Guess a part of me is still waiting for it to happen.

Can You Climb?: "Belonging Feels Good....But Having Respect Feels Even Better"

Its 539am...and I just finished watching 'Redemption' with Jamie Foxx. If you don't know what it's about...its about Stanley 'Tookie' Williams being on death row. He is considered to be the founder of the Crips street gang and later convicted for the murder of four people. While on death row he began writing kids books about gangs and taking initiative to stop gang violence with gang truces and speaking to kids. His work became international. One year nominated for the Nobel Peace prize, then the next year winning the Nobel Prize for literature.

Why does this matter to me?? Well I was in a gang. Like I said before...at a young age I was trouble. From trespassing to get to our after school hang out, breaking house windows, jumping other kids, and to pulling out a knife on a kid to stab him, but boy was he fast lol. Lets just say my parents we regulars are my school. Always having to leave work to come get me for some reason. But I had to make sure it was known that I wasn't backing down from anyone. Then after elementary school? Things got worse. I was fighting every other day. In my neighborhood, in the school, after school. What confused me though is that I never started any of these fights. People would just come to me and try to begin pounding....so I did the same. My mother always said to fight back. So why not do it to the best of my abilities.


High school became worse lol. Fully joined a gang and was in different Blood sets. Wont even go into the things I did. But my excuse....."I'm a product of my environment"...."Its not a gang, its a family"...."Its just a part of who I am" lol. All excuses though. I was lying to myself. But do I regret any of it? Yes. But its not what you think. I had many interventions called for me by coworkers and friends. Telling me to stop because of the chances of death and all the kids that looked up to me being that I was an athlete, a coach, and a counselor with kids. None worked though lol. But the thing that struck me the most is when they told my mother and they told me she cried. I kept it from her all along. And I hate making my mother cry. Did I quit then? Nope. Not until my own sets turned on me over some drama. Guess there's a life lesson in there. Would I do it again? Yeah.....but not in a smarter way....just the way I did it. Sometimes you have to burn your hand to learn not to play with fire.

Hard Left, Straight, Or Right Curl: The Waiting Present

So you're asking yourself....with a title like that...what the heck is he talking about lol. Well its a bit deeper into the maze.

What is this gift? I would say a boy's physical transition and its affect. Maybe you'll understand him a bit better.

How about we start with elementary school...from the dark skin jokes. The famous "African booty scratcher" to the personal jokes about being ugly. Or how about we talk about the short chubby kid that girls never liked. He had a crush on a girl for every grade in elementary school lol. Did he ever get anything from it? Nope. The kiddie parties he got to go to and the invites to hang out with the cool girls....did thatever happen? Nope. A kiss, a tease, a batter of the eyes, a smile, a smirk, we can go down the line....but did any of these occur? Not a single one. Closest thing to a kiss in those days was a girl's lips accidentally touching his ear as she whispered something to him on a moving train....of course he didnt forget though. So what would affect him worse....the laughs and the teasing....or being passed over by everything with long hair? Well to be honest....it was the jokes that made him suicidal at a young age. But it was the bench warming that made him see a world with no future.

We could move on to middle school if you want....where things did change. But "What?" you may be asking....well nothing other than the girls that were sloppy and didn't care about hygiene. They wanted him. But not at all did he succumb to these advances. He still had a pride that he wouldn't let diminish. But more girls were around him now and so he smiled more. Guess it was his cure for so many guys considering him the outcast. Yet their laughs would still scream out while the teacher made comments and a class clown would mention that boy's name. So what really changed? Well the first lips of a girl he was able to feel....On The Train......he had a puppy dog crush for her since and was able to finally speak it. Walked her home after school. Buying her lunch at their hangout spots. Long phone conversations at night creating crazy bills. The result? A number of excuses of why it can't work....the biggest that stuck being the fact that one of her sloppy friends liked him. Guess he couldn't catch a break huh. So what got to him worse here? The guys that would hang out with him on and off but still insult him? The girls that only saw him as a friend? Or could it be the fact that he heard laughs so often that he would expect it and know exactly when it would come each and every day? He can't tell you. He doesn't even know.

Maybe high school was better you say? Well it was. The jokes with his name in it stalled and died down...but all 4 yrs he expected it and amazed EVERY SINGLE TIME it Didn't happen. The guys.....they hung out with him. Grew friendships and bonds. The ladies.....still the friend for Most -__-. Anything changed? Yes. For more and more females liked him. He could be quoted saying "I feel like a kid in a candy store". Girlfriend after girlfriend with a number of girls to mess around with. Hundreds in his eyes, but it was only a few. Most still wanted him as just a friend. Still walking them home and long phone conversations leading no where. But there were a few that took a chance on him and this built his ego. Not in a bad way, but a good way. More confidence. Stood straight when he talked. Walked with a new demeanor. He owes it to one female specifically, but it was them all that needed thanks. But was it the start of a monster?

First college....he went wild that one year he was there. Trying to get all the upperclassmen females. He had a new cockiness to him while also knowing he couldn't stretch too far beyond his realm. Did he get the ladies he aimed for? Not a single one. Did he turn down Many for sex? Yes. He wasn't a whore lol. But this was followed by a summer of many conquests and numbers received. Did he care for these numbers? No.....but his ego very much did. Second college....failures that would plagued him and taunted him. But in the end he knew what it was....it was the words of females that had been honest with him...from years past..."You're not cute, but you're not ugly". So failure at his aims and success at his wants were all too common. So does this story end happily? No. For his biggest challenge in years was at hand.

The ugly Muslim......well what other title did he deserve? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. And his girlfriend of 2.5 yrs accepted his transition...so did a few of the other females he cheated on her with. But the vote was in and elections passed.....he was considered ugly by the masses of females. Thick beard. Chubby. Kufi. Style of dress? Shorts and a t-shirt. Swagger? None and didn't care. Nothing mattered but religion, school, and his girl. The guys all loved him and considered him family. So he was set...right? Wrong. Breaking up with his girl and the one to follow....he grew tired of his beard. He removed the kufi because he couldn't find any he liked to wear at work.....he dressed better....he grew a level of confidence that came with success...he cared about his looks and females took notice. Those that once called him ugly retracted their statements...and now.....well now he goes up to any woman he chooses...knowing with the right words...she's his. So if you can tell by the transition that being happy in his self image was the gift that was waiting....then you lied to yourself....that is still a battle. But is he on the winning side? Yes. Excuse him though if you complement his looks...and he feels like a joke is being made or a line is being used to just make him feel better.

Turn Around or Go Around Corner: African American Males (School Version)

Based on the 2010 Census, 47 percent of African-American males graduate from high school. (New York City 28 percent, Philadelphia 28 percent, Broward County, Florida 39 percent, Washington D.C. and Chicago 44 percent, Nashville 47 percent).

So you tell me....what's the problem here??

Is it the fact that the Black boys aren't graduating?? Is it the fact that their parents or family structures don't care?? The communities complaining about these boys not being in school and going to crime, but allowing it to happen at the same time....sometimes even encouraging it. Or should we go with just blaming teachers?? "They don't care about the students, make the class fun, and try to reach out to them"....since when was that in the job description?? Its a good thing for them to go the extra yard...but dont blame teachers. Who should we blame? Everyone as a whole.

We failed things young black boys. Myself included. Without a high school education, you can't even be a manager at most fast food chains. So what kind of future are the looking forward to without the proper steps? Hard labor for small pay, a life of crime that leads to so many other issues, and even just plain old nothingness.

My senior year of high school (I went to a mostly boy school, about 90%-95% when I entered)...they brought us to the auditorium and told us to look left, right, front, back, and diagonal.....and that most of the people we saw weren't going to go far. Either drugs, death, or jail. Who the F*** tells someone that?? But end of the day.....they were wrong...but they were right when it comes to those around New York City.

How can we fix it? I can go on and on about how to do that. I can say I will donate to different initiatives....but end of the day....its up to those boys and their support systems. I thought about dropping out of high school. Definitely thought about dropping out of college.....but it was the people behind me that wouldn't let me.

I just dont want to see more black boys in the street instead of in the office