Do You Feel That Draft?: The Shay Affect

So some of you readers know who I am in real life. Some of you only know me online. But if you know me long enough, you would have known that I was never the suave guy that had all the ladies (but my charm now definitely can win them over). For some reason people that didn't know me thought I had all the ladies, but so far from true lol. Most people will agree...we chase the ones we want, while the one we should want is chasing us. That was my case in many ways. Still kinda is, but everything I do or don't do is for a reason now. But where am I going with this? Today someone popped into my head. A female that meant a lot to me. Yes...this is me sharing again lol. Don't get use to it though. I really don't care to share my love life, but this is something that I felt was needed to be shared.

Who is she? What does she mean to me? What happened? Her name WAS Taisha Shay. She meant the world to me at one point (or that is what I felt, who knows if it was me being young and dumb), and what happened is a long story lol, so I'll give the just of it. We met when I was playing video games in my dorm room (which we had an open door/ walk-in policy). She walked in and said hello (She wore a fitted shirt and blue jeans skirt that was kinda long). After some jokes and flirting that day it became a regular routine for us. Once I knew she was single (she messed with some guy on and off), I jumped at my chance to be with her. Calling her to talk on the phone. Text messages that I know would make her smile. Sweet gestures. Spending time with her was hard at times, but that was there also. Outcome.....she went back to dude. But that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

I ended up having a class with her the very next semester and my feelings for her grew. Joking around in class, flirting, and trying to always be in reach. When she was single again, I threw my hat in the race one more time. This time I went even harder. Landed in the same dorm (by accident) and would walk to her room when I got off work. I can't remember ever putting in such effort for one female. If I said all the little things I did and tried here, this post would be too long. I would question her wife material value at times though when I would see her drunk after parties, but then again, that's what college was about at our age, so I overlooked it. And I definitely hoped many times she would come with me after those parties lol. I even remember going in for a kiss one time and her putting a pause to my effort and telling me "Not yet, we need to be together first". Outcome....she went back to ole dude....but that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

I transferred to another school and so did she. We kept in contact though. Facebook is always a great tool for that lol. But here we were...more mature and ready for settling down (or at least that's what we thought). Talked about plans and what kind of things we would do together. Long phone conversations. Then whenever plans were made....nothing happened. Back then I blamed myself. I was a broke college student with phone problems and no car. Nevertheless, with time I realized something....those days I would still call and message her throughout the times to get in contact with her...while she was unreachable and only once she called back. When I saw the missed call, I repeatedly called back to no avail. Funny thing was...I had broken up with my girl in order to be with her (and my girl knew). Though as you might have expected...the Outcome....she ended up with someone else and I told her I was done chasing her....but that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

So what happens now? I transferred schools again and landed in Albany, NY. Went back with the girl I broke up with (and she followed me to the new school). But here comes Ms. Shay back in my life. We begin talking about how crazy it is that we want to be together with such distance (about 3-4 hrs driving). Nevertheless, we were both willing to give it a try. I was smarter now though, so I didn't break up (yeah, its cheating in a way) and didn't get my hopes high....when my phone calls slowly stopped being answered and she stopped reaching out to me...I let it go. Then when I saw wedding photos...I died a bit inside. We stayed in contact nonetheless...we were friends. Funny how it amused her to hear about the feelings I had though. I loved her. Now was it the same love I had for the two main relationships of my life? No. But it was what it was. Outcome....I'm in Michigan having a thought about her. Will I ever go and try to be with her? Hell No!! I'm a lot smarter now. Never would I be with someone that passed on me for another man. I refuse! Though...I can't even remember the number of times I would sing along with Bob Marley ~ Waiting In Vain (in the hundreds to thousands).

So while you read this and feel sorry for me, I write this and laugh at that idiot that thought he would win her heart. Sometimes you have to be a fool before you can grow. Fool me once...shame on you....fool me all those times and I kept falling for it....I was an idiot lol. We're good in my book and she knows it. After all the B.S. I still have love for you Mrs. Taisha Shay-Owens....or is it Mrs. Taisha Owens?

Care About My Maze?: So How Much Luggage Are You Checking?

Before I go in...let me state that this is the closest to my actual person life I've been on this blog. Its weird, but I felt there was something that could help females out there in the world....well at least entertain and create thought to those that read this blog anyways. Why don't I do it more often? Well people randomly tell me all the time that they read my blog. People I would have never expected. So excuse me if I am hesitant at times lol. Especially if what is in my head is about them. But what is this all about? Bringing baggage into a starting relationship.

So lets start with girl A since she was first. We began talking and off the back she isn't my type whatsoever, but we weren't initially thinking about dating anyways. Was just going to be a fun time. Then our long conversations turned into the feeling of 'Like' (which I can't see it getting anywhere past). And while my friends looked at me confused because I was talking about dating this female (just for the fun of it), one thing stood out about our conversations...She Kept Talking About Her Exes and Other Guys. Like seriously...why the heck do you think I would care? What do they have to do with me? Guys only need to know a couple things.

1, Why you guys broke up.
2, Do you talk now
3, Is there a chance of you guys getting back together.

And those questions don't need to be asked. They could just be found out with time. But there is no reason at all you need to be over there telling me on the phone about some other dude. I Don't Care. When she would talk about him, I would ignore the entire thing. Till this day I don't know what happened with them except for a pregnancy issue she keeps talking about. Other than that....I zone the hell out lol. I honestly don't even know why they broke up, but that is because of me zoning out so much. She would talk about other sexual partners she had and about the list of guys she gave a title to or had them eat her out. And here we are talking about being a couple and dating. Why the heck do I need this info??

As I write this, it makes me think about my last girlfriend...who would do the same exact thing, except even worse. She would come to me about the guys she's been with sexually and give details. Like what giving head to one guy was like and how it smelled. She would tell me all kinds of things about the dudes before me. And I would shut her down immediately each time and remind her that I don't care and that it made her sound like a hoe. Did I use that word? I don't think I did. I might have been nicer. But over time of hearing this stuff, that word did pop out of my mouth. I don't need to know what every guy you been with feels like inside you...I don't want to hear about how they all thought your "pu**y was the best" or how your head game always made them cum. You are only digging a deeper hole for yourself.

But that brings me to girl B. She was new. Things only lasted a bit over a week with her. Text conversations went well. She called me refreshing and said it was great to be talking to me. She was cool, so I basically said the same back. Ladies, know that if you compliment me, I will prob just compliment you back or use your own compliment on you. Do I mean it? Maybe, maybe not. But I'm not big on compliments. Our first date...I can't even count how many references she made about her exes. She talked on and on about her past relationships. From being engaged to thinking some guy was the one and not being able to see herself in love like that with any other guy. And the countless dudes she thought she would marry or end up with turning out to be flops. She would even go into telling me how many guys she know that have been hitting her up for sex lately. Doesn't help that we started following each other on twitter and she keeps talking about her ex lately and how guys hurt her (I didn't notice that stuff beforehand, or I would have never went out with her). But what did I do on the date? I ignored that crap. I don't care about the last dude. Why are you telling me about your past relationships? Do you think I really care?? I keep repeating these questions because I'm confused as to why females do this. No One Cares Or Wants To Hear It. So after spending time with her another day and hearing more crap about other guys and needing someone different...she told me she was "sorry for leading me on, but not ready for a relationship right now". I bust out laughing when I got that text. Why? Because I had already really had her in the friend zone. It was really a lie on her part because of her multiple signs of her telling me I was someone she wanted to continue things with (from us talking about being more physical, her counting out how many dates we been on or will go on, making future plans for us, telling me she wanted to take things slow with me or how great I was doing with her, and giving me pointers to what will have her put up a wall). But what was wrong with her that she was in the friend zone? I don't know a hardcore answer...but that stuff about other guys definitely didn't help her outlook to me lol.

Basically people...no one wants to hear about your baggage. I have a lot of females in my past. But that's the past. I keep them there. UNLESS you ask me about them, I will only disclose my very last relationship and ONLY say why we broke up or why I'm single. I've met COUNTLESS females that talk about exes. Age doesn't matter with that. I was just talking to a 30 year old female talking about the same thing on the phone (and one of her exes being Terrell Owens, who's now on the Cincinnati Bengals) . She went on and on about past relationships and went into complaining about her job for 15 minutes. More stuff that's unattractive and don't want around me. Your stuff from your last relationship does not need to be in your new relationship. Either keep it to yourself and try to move on or forget it in the past somehow.

Please...check your baggage before doing anything else. And if you have too much, that's not a good look either. No person wants someone that brings way too much with them. Especially when you're just getting to know one another. I thought everyone knew this. I thought everyone knew not to go on and on about exes though lol. The things you learn in the dating scene.

Try New Search Algorithms: Is Online Dating The Magic Gateway?

I just read a statistic that shows 1/8 marriages last year were from couples who met online. The funny thing about this is...a lot of the people I have met in recent years have been from online. I've made some great friends from Twitter and even had a girlfriend that I met from there. My oldest brother met and married a women he met off Match.com. One of my most important relationships ever was hooked up by a mutual friend after I saw her friend on Facebook. The closest person to me now in Michigan, I met when she hit me up online. And till this day I periodically have multiple phone numbers sent to me from females online that want to hang out and be friends, and some for more than just that. As a matter of fact, I recently went out a date with a girl from twitter. We did decide to be friends though.

But what am I getting at? With the invention of Myspace, which everyone knows is just a spot to find people to hook up with, and the invention of Facebook and Twitter, outlets for staying in contact with people while meeting new and cool people, the world is becoming more internet based. We can have a whole conversation and never say a word to one another. We could keep in contact with one another and never have to reach for a phone or a pen. We are in a world where there are 1,001 ways to be in contact with one another and so why wouldn't this be true.

Some feel that meeting people online is strange and weird. Especially someone to hook up with or maybe go into a relationship with. I honestly don't. Maybe because I'm such a technology person or because I'm a guy without fear of being raped lol. But honestly, there isn't much difference when meeting someone that could be crazy and you meet them in a mall or on a school campus. So what do I say to this new statistic....congrats to those people who found love and are now married. That's it really. Not much I could say. I'm happy for them and hope things work out. I actually saw two groups of people taking pictures after their weddings. Did they meet online? Who knows. But there are tons of ways to meet online. Whether because it was an intention while using e-harmony or by accident while having a debate over a friend's status on Facebook.

My point is...you never know where you will meet the one. So why limit yourself nowadays. But do be careful, some people are uglier than what their pictures show lol. Advancements in technology also means more ways to lie to you.

Watch Your Back Step: Errors On Blogs

Like everyone else, I hate reading something someone says and there are errors. I consider myself a blogger and I like to read the blog of others. And when doing so, I hate spotting out errors. I hate when they make silly mistakes. And I hate it even more if they say things that call for me to write them a comment about it lol. But a friend of mine just said I have grammatical errors in some of my posts. I HATE making mistakes and errors. So if you see them, but be afraid to point them out. Except if you're here. She will scan every post like her life depends on it lol. Give it to an English major with a degree to try and find things wrong. Thanks Ash. Love you sis.

You Knew What This Was: Who's Lying Here?

So I'm on Facebook and comment on a friend's post as a joke (though also serious). His status stated:

Congratulations to all of my Friends and Family that graduated to day From SUNY COLLEGE At Oldwestbury. There aint no place like Oldwestbury. We're cut from a different cloth. I cant wait to see what everybody does next.

So being that I went to SUNY Old Westbury for my first year of college and happy I had left, I stated:

I'm with you....can't wait to see where they'll be packing groceries at either. I vote a Costco or a Walmart lol.

 Was this a bit mean? Yes lol. But that's how I am sometimes. But that started a conversation among others about the name of your college not mattering. And to be honest, its a lie to think otherwise. Let's be honest and real with this. Lets make two men. Same in the exact ways. Both have the same drive and ambitions, same supporting cast, everything the same....except one graduated from Harvard Law, one graduated from West Bubble Community College Law program. They both apply for a job at the top law firm in the country. Who is getting more attention and being looked at first? In some scenarios, the second guy wouldn't even be looked at. Can guy B win the job and get ahead? Yes, but guy A would have to mess up first.

When companies would hit me, they would openly admit they wanted people only from top tier schools. And I don't blame them. Our education wasn't the same. Don't lie to yourselves. If I said I graduated with a degree from Yale, everyone would look at me differently (even though I didn't). Your brain instantly says a couple things when someone says where they got their degree from.

1, Did I ever hear of that school and does that school sound like a good one?
2, Based on the first question, you either think more of them, nothing chances, or less of them
3, Some people use this step to think of their response, being good or just saying "Oh, alright"
4, Based on step two, they are thinking either how to get off the topic of school or want to know more about your experience.

All of this happening in seconds of course. But we know its true. Its being honest. I worked harder than someone that graduated from West Bubble Community College for my degree, and someone from Stanford worked harder than I did. Does it mean one of us is smarter or harder working overall?? No. More ambitious and goal oriented? No. Just means what it is. The place you went and got your degree from matters a lot.

What Does Your School Say About You??

Update On The 'College Conspiracy' Documentary

Alright. I can't help myself. over here. This film gets crazy by the minute. And forgot to post the link before, but will do so this time. And include the video. But WOW lol. Nothing I say in this post will be me paraphrasing or giving the general idea....I will tell you exactly what they are saying. And what are they saying? People should not go to college because it is a scam. They should instead ONLY graduate from high school and start working IMMEDIATELY after. Then instead of working to gain money, they should work to get gold and silver ONLY because people will not be able to do anything with actual American money lmao. Wow. This is........hilarious.

They even come up with some number examples. So if you don't know...years ago the education system did a study and found that people with a degree end up making over a million dollars more over a lifetime than someone without a college degree...but that also being said this documentary came up with an example that shows its less money earned than that. Let me show you.

1, They state the average private institution cost about $27,000 for tuition....even though no one said you had to go to such an expensive school. And public is just fine.
2, With the average college student finishing college in more than 4 years, 5 to be exact, they post an example for 6 years Including Expected inflation costs.
3, At 6 years of college with such a price, it would cost $182,000 to go to school and take out loans. Yet I don't know anyone in that kind of debt for just a bachelors.
4, With that price, it would be about $61,000 in interest at 5.15%, but that's based on the idea that you take out $182,000 in loans to pay for school.
7, Yes 7, if they could play tricks with numbers, so could I lol The average American without a college degree makes about $35,000 a year. Though I don't know if they include people who went and had other training (like police men, fire men, EMT, construction workers) and that number seems a bit high for some 18 (or 17) year old kid coming out of high school to be making....straight out of high school lol.
8, The 6 years in college times the $35,000 that person could have been making totals to $200,000 of missed out on income.

So by this point...they prove that going to college is counter productive lmao. They speak to professionals making $200,000 a year and them stating that a college education had nothing to do with their income. Even though when you stop and look at life, you need that degree to get that first job you had out of college...unless you have a hook up lol. But the part I love the most is the professor saying online classes are better because it saves kids 2 gallons of gas for travel lol. And that online schools is the best way to go...even though many of the online schools are not accredited by the education boards. So you might have worked for an engineering degree at one....and its worth toilet paper because its not an accredited school

All and all...this video was funny and made me laugh at the world. If anyone goes on to think they are right and college is not for you because its a scam...have fun living your life out with $35k until you're too old to work. Honestly, this video just sounds like a half a**ed scare tactic with some ulterior motives. It really used extreme examples and points to get across small things. Using big words and scary words to get the people watching into panic mode. But don't have too much fun watching it guys lol.

One thing they said that I agree with...because 70% of high school grads go off to college, you working on a college degree doesn't make you stand out or special...To me...its what you do with that degree that matters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpZtX32sKVE  <~Is it just me or do they talk about the NIA A LOT throughout the entire film. Then they ask you to sign up for their newsletter and become a member. A little fishy? No? lol. Sounds like someone wants some money here.

Some Steps Can Be Taken Back: Looking Down On Them

At what point should someone give up the life they came from and improve themselves?? Its easy (when you stop and think about it) to give up on slacking on your school work and getting the grades you want and need for a better life. People are quick to say they are educated and doing something with their lives because they are in college. It's easy to denounce the music of Waka Flacka and Gucci Mane, yet bump it in your car. Its all good to laugh at those not in your situation because you are "progressing" and going to live that good life. But my question to you is....when you're ACTUALLY successful and living the life you were working towards....and you come from a less than good place, so you're even more excited and happy....when do you give up the things you did before?

People say that you can take someone out the hood, but that doesn't mean you can take the hood out of them. I agree. I have been grooming myself for years to be ready for a world I am not use to. A world where I am the TRUE minority and had to show a great example of who I am...but not just for myself of course, but for my people. For many, I don't think it is while in college. I see people doing the same things as they did before without a care in the world. I saw a blog the other day talking about how black people look like thugs when they go out to a club or something...and I agree completely. Guys with the sagging jeans, hoodies, big jackets, flashy jewelry, and that's not talking about the language and the large talk about drugs in the community. Females, don't think you are out of the woods with your clothing that makes you look like sluts ready for any sex partner to come and scoop you up.

But what am I getting at here? I left the hood and I change my style of dress. Been working on my use of vulgar language for years and finally have it down. You have/will never seen me in the flashy jewelry or someone see me going out and mistake me for a drug dealer. Why? Becuase I left that stuff behind. So why is it so hard for others? I would see many groups of African American students hanging out and doing drugs while blasting vulgar music and dressing like they came straight from the block....then be angry when someone puts them in a stereotype. Even with rappers....you will see them hit a certain level of fame and them convert over to being able to make the real money. Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs and Sean 'Jay Z' Carter are two of the richest men in hip hop....well thee richest men really. Totally about a billion dollars by themselves. Crazy, I know. But their income changed....and so did their style of dress. You can still see them dressed up or having on a t-shirt, fitted hat, and some jeans...but what is stopping others from doing this on a smaller scale?

If you leave the hood and claim you're doing it big because you're progressing....why not work on yourself along with working on a future. Keep looking like a hoodlum or hoodrat, and your money will forever be small scale compared to what it could be.

Call me an Oreo or an Uncle Tom....but I'll be waving back at you while living the life you only dream of.