Beware Of The Traps: My Biggest Fear

So I had a conversation with a young lady last night and a topic came up. It was a reminder of something that scared the BeJesus out of me. What is it you may ask?? Well its my only fear in the world. The fear of having a child before I'm ready. *Insert Loud Screaming and Shiver*.

So as you may know by now, I'm 23. And living life alone in Michigan. I'm care free, no responsibilities, no stress, no one to take care of, no one to answer to or worry about. I LOVE my life. I do as I please whenever I want. BUT all of that can end if I was to have a child. Would my life end? No, but it would feel like it. I have so much planned and coming up that it would alter where I'm going in life. There are many things about my life that I have constructed set up in a way that creates an environment of extreme comfort. If a kid popped up in my life, that means I would have to alter my life and think of.......Someone Else!!!!! Scary??? Hells Yes.

I'm not mentally nor financially ready for a child. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't want to do it. I refuse to do it lol. So lets break this down a bit more so its not just some rant. Lets start with the fear itself and what would make it even worse....

1. A baby with a random female. Random meaning someone I didn't plan on marrying and been dating forever lol.
2. A baby with a female that was just trying to trap me. How would I know? After a while my eyes would open up and spot it. Especially if she would rather me pay child support than be with her and the child.

Getting even scarier huh?? Well that is what happens all the time in today's society. No matter the race or social class. It happens. But what I wonder about is how can people in poverty go and have kids? I don't get this at all. If you're living horribly, why would you want to bring in a baby?? Yes, I come from poverty, but I was also lived on a farm when I came into this world. We moved to America thinking things would be our benefit. Now I'm not saying get an abortion or kill a child, but what I am saying is that you should be taking EXTRA Extra precautions lol. Some females want babies but living in the hood. Try to get pregnant to make themselves happy or feel like they have something in their life. Now this is guys also, but its a females body nonetheless. If she didn't want it at the end of the day, she could refuse or take birth control behind a guy's back.

But that leads me to the next issue. These females going around believing guys when they say he wants her to have his baby....but then he won't give her a ring or marry her. That makes no real sense to me. Why? Because if a Man is really ready to have a baby with a Woman and create a life long bond with her....then what's stopping them from just getting married? Chances are he was just talking out his ass and just wanted the sex, he thought it would keep you around, but didn't really want the kid/think it would happen, or he just plain and simple wanted a child, but not you. Either decision or reason here....he's not the guy to go with and having a baby with him is stupid. So don't go on Maury and complain about him saying he wanted the baby, and he is now denying the baby. Be mad at yourself.

Guess that leads us to my last point. The act of sex is great. Love it. The idea of not having sex unless you want to make a baby.....realistic but not really realistic in today's society. Sex is more of a casual and pleasure thing. BUT I will be damned if I get a call from a female saying she is pregnant. I refuse to have a child out of wedlock. When I was younger, I made a lot of mistakes and stupid decisions, that could have resulted in such happening. But Thank God none of it did actually happen. And so I would like to keep my streak going. Having a baby is an important thing, and I think it should be kept for married couples only. When will I be married? Who knows. But I refuse to have to call my parents and say I'm having a baby and there is no ring on my finger. Never. Not I. I don't go and judge the people that have done it...as a matter of fact, most of the people I know with kids are not married. And statistics show that 80% of teenage pregnancy never ends with a marriage.

So ladies, before you go out and sleep around, slip up with the guy you been with, or fall stupid for a guy saying he wants to be your "Baby Daddy".......think about where you're going. I know for a fact a baby is not in my near future.....or at least I'm praying for it to no be like that.

Not Mine, Not Now

Make Smart Decisions: Who's Right If Anything?

So...minutes ago...I had a debate with someone. They work in retail and randomly popped up and said they don't understand why people that have wealth are so cheap...and the ironic thing is that earlier today I watched a documentary talking about the wealthiest 1% of America. Also ironic because of my last post. So what did we debate over? The concept of spending money repeatedly compared to large expenses.

Now she admit that poor people spend more than rich people....but can you stop and see the problem with that right there?? Poor People........Spend More..........than Rich People. She pointed out that spending $200 on sneakers every two weeks when you get a pay check is alright and better than spending $1,000 on a HDTV, which is equivalent to her 5 paycheck periods. But there are other factors involved here.

1. That HDTV will last me for years.
2. The more sneakers you buy, the less you wear them overall....making it kind of pointless.
3. I can go and sell my TV for a good amount of money....you'll only throw out your sneakers or be forced to donate them.
4. If you have a personality to go and just spend money....chances are its more than just sneakers you're going out to buy. You need the clothes to go with those sneakers. Things to take care of them. And the money to go out places and have fun.
5. We can go back to my last post....and when you see me buying something new and expensive....you're going to look on and be jealous of the money I have....when it could have been equal to all the money you spent.

So what is the problem here??  Its plain and simple. The more you go out and spend.....the less money you will end up having. The less money you have.....the less things you can go out and have. Its not a hard concept lol. I was talking to a friend of mine and we agreed on something....we worked at an amusement park together and each brought home about $600 every two weeks. Problem is that neither one of us have anything to show for it. Why? Because we went and spent it all on stupid things that we can't even remember or have now. This is the problem with so many. But never would you see me arguing that saving your money is the bad way to go.

Do I think people are different and can spend their money as they choose? Yes. Do I think some things are stupid to always buy? Hell yes. That same friend that I worked with....he said I was never the type to buy clothing. I was the guy to buy electronics. Which is completely true. But then when I would buy my electronics and come around....people were jealous or looked at me funny. Funny thing is....they would go and spend more than I would on clothes and shoes in a month, than I paid for whatever I had cost me.

Moral Of The Story......Spend All Your Money....You'll End Up Poor And Without......Then Having Nothing To Show For It.

How Much Is This Maze Worth?: Judging Others

So one thing I have been dealing with since I was a bit younger, and more so now....being judged for what I buy and talk about. What is the issue exactly? When I talk about the things I want to buy or the things I plan on buying....I get judged. I rarely ever talk about money or how much the things I want cost....but still judged. Funny thing is....its not often I talk about something new that I plan on getting. The only thing I have spoken about multiple times is a car. And why? Because not having a car in a town where the bus system sucks and things are HARD when you don't have a car. So....it pops up in your head a lot when you have to wait 40 minutes in the cold at night for a bus that never comes. Or the fact that when school is out for a break, the buses only run every hour or 40 minutes.

But what have I talked about buying or that I plan to buy? Furniture (when I moved to Michigan I had NONE at all), a new HDTV (only having one in the living room sucks when you want to relax in your bedroom), a town home (not a big house or anything, just a town home), a car (where people judge you if you don't have one here).

What is my issue? People talk all the time about the things they plan on buying or are actually buying. I see people talk about new electronics, expensive sneakers, name brand clothing, cars, jewelry, stuff for their appearance, etc. Now do I have a problem with them getting this stuff or talking about it?? Hell no. I don't care one bit. Most of these things I don't care for at all and you will never hear me talk about them. Never will you hear me say I'm going to pay $200 for a pair of Jordans....or that I have to go get the new LV (I don't know how to spell Louie Vottan*** because I never cared/had to) jeans that just came out. Nor will you hear me having a conversation about black diamonds and how I'll look going to the club. Those things are just not who I am.

You can argue and say its the price difference of the materials we are buying...but if those people that judge me or have something to say saved their money instead of buying those Jordans, maybe they could get that HDTV. If those people worked as hard and as much as I do, then maybe they could afford that new car. Before I left to Michigan, a guy that is like a brother to me went and did something that I found out a gentleman on Twitter that I speak to did......they both were able to buy their first house at 23. A friend of mine from middle school that I still talk to....has a sexy brand new car that he bought himself. Am I jealous? No. I'm happy for them. Why wouldn't I be?

So why are people coming at me when I say I'm buying a car? Maybe.....just maybe...instead of judging me or being upset....they need to just work harder in life to achieve what others have. I know multiple people that have nothing BUT work to achieve nothing....but get mad at me.....but then there are those that have nothing...but working to achieve things that are happy for me.

 

 Before you think about the next person and what they have....ask yourself what are you bringing to the table.

What Is A Maze Without Traps: False Conclusions

Throughout my time on this planet....people have built an image of me....is it false? Yes, No, and Sorta. You ask if I'm being fake? Yes, No, and Sorta. Not really helping am I? Well there is a lot that goes into it. Like I stated before, my mind is an extremely complex place. So what is the truth here?? People pick and choose what they want to see in a person and I have multiple sides and aspects to me.

On twitter....most of the time I am getting on females for their stupid decisions and what they do wrong but then have the audacity to complain about....how do people take this? I'm this great guy that is giving out advice because I care so much about females. The real truth? Its annoying seeing all these complaints on my TL when its coming from females doing stupidness anyways. So partially its me laughing at them, part me hoping they stop and think about their actions, and mostly just letting out my annoyance with them.

I try to help people with their problems...some people take this as I care about them...when honestly I don't. There is a big difference being a caring person and caring about someone. I was raised to be a caring person and care for others and their situations (if they didn't put themselves in that position). Do I really care if you live or die tomorrow? Chances are no. I'll say R.I.P. and say "Damn".....but then I will be carrying on with my day. Some people will look at that and say I'm cold, but....its what we all honestly do most times.

I'm at a good point in my life so I'm supposed to want money and riches....I could honestly care less. I just want recognition for what I have done and to know I don't have to worry about money problems. My facebook status right now says I rather be in a dark and empty basement than have a mansion....but would buy the mansion to say I have one. Its the truth. I don't care about expensive things...what I do like though is the fact that I am capable of having it if I wanted to. I honestly don't care about a lot of things. Which leads to our next delusion...

The ONLY reason I socialize and interact with people....its expected of me and what I am supposed to do. 99% of my time....I'm alone (I am around females the rest of the time or my boys when in NY). I rather it that way. I don't like small talk in public. Not a fan of communication with coworkers. Never liked being in large groups of people. Rather be alone in the dark with a video game in hand. Can I do those things? Am I capable of being social and going out? Do I like speaking to the small group of people I call friends and family? Yes to all....but that doesn't mean its a preference. My family knows me...I don't like calling them. I love them to death....but not a fan of it. I speak to my mother about once every two or three weeks...and its her calling me. We talk for a couple minutes and say good bye. My friends...I will text them now and again. Usually the same people though. I don't like talking to too many people as I feel I am bothering them.

And the list of misconceptions go on for days....but that is what they are. Misconceptions. I have 101 sides to me. 101 different ways and views. 101 aspects that all contradict.

I Will Forever Contradict Myself, But Never Will I Be A Hypocrite ~Jason A. Johnson

How Hard Are You Working On This Maze: My Employment

I held a lot of different jobs with different pay. Where to start? Well how about my first job? My first couple jobs weren't paying jobs and nor were they jobs in which I was technically an employee. I guess you can say I volunteered my time. But of course...I started early (10-12 range) lol. Its a Jamaican thing I guess. We are all speculated to have multiple jobs and start young.

I started helping counselors with kids and had a blast. At that age, kids were respectful. They were just about having fun. But then again...I was a kid also. After doing that for years on and off....I was able to finally work in NY state because I turn 14. What did I do first? I landed a position at a Police Athletic League (PAL), where I was already in their sports program. What did I do? Sports lol. Coaching, reffing, being an assistant at times, then I would be a counselor there for the fun of it. I was known there and in everything. Felt like I ran that place. But when it stopped being fun...I left. Especially since it was hitting my grades hard. Sometimes I would go to school...run there right after...then not leave until 11 or 12 at night...then go home...and there's no homework being done. Only was a counselor twice after this though and was even a janitor for a while at this same PAL.

So what did I do next? A friend of mine helped me get a job at Rye Playland. It was more a summer job than anything...but it definitely helped things. I felt like a baller. Bringing in $600+ every 2 weeks. I was 17 working 1130am till 12am or 1am at night for 5 or 6 days a week. Against the law, but no one was there keeping track. So I was just thinking about the money. Was there a downside? Yeah...its called cleaning bathrooms and having to stay in them all day. What would we do? Sit in the bathroom in that little special room with the cleaning tools. Clean toilets and floors then sleep the rest of the time. But nothing like cleaning up the next person's feces or vomit. Gotta remember...its the hot summer at an amusement park. Not a fun job, but I stayed for two years and worked during the school year also. The only job I have ever quit. I had to though. My manager and I was going to end up fighting if I didn't.

Next came the go karts at New Roc City. We would be there riding the cars when bored. Doing 180s on the track (almost tried it one time in a real car after work, had to slap myself and remember I was on the actual road). And the biggest fun of all.....bagging numbers from girls lol. I've never had so many numbers in my life. Funny thing was that most of the time....I didn't have a phone myself. I would sometimes use my coworkers phones to get the number. We would stop ENTIRE races to go flirt with a female. The races that were done, we would slow down a girl's car and go flirt or just drop your phone in and she knew what it meant. Would have her laughing while buckling her belt before the ride and get her number on the way out. Get her number while she in the line. The list of ways was endless. I always had the most numbers even though some of the other guys looked better. They were confused to how easy it was for me lol. But all those times talking to girls...the camera would spot me or other customers would complain. I guess that's why they didn't bring me back for a second year even though I was up for a manager position earlier that I had to turn down for school.

Last two really taught me a lot. A cook in a kitchen for Ruby Tuesdays and a programming internship with Computer Sciences Corporation. Being a cook....I learned how to be a better cook in real life lol. Most stressful job ever though. I would have nightmares. Most orders you had to push them out within 5 minutes. Why only 5 minutes when you wait so long? Well chances are the main part of the meal will take a while to get up on the board, start cooking, then X amount of time for it to be ready...and then it has to go out the same time as the thing that took 5 minutes. Was happy to say I could make everything on the menu. A lot of times I would be the only cook in the entire restaurant. How did this work?? Running my butt off and keeping track of everything in my head lol. I worked my way up fast with raise after raise and promotion after promotion. I felt bad at times though. I know that others were there longer...guess I just stood out more...I was the only black cook lol. Then with that programming internship...I never mad so much money in my life. Its then I realized that I had a big future and wouldn't want to mess things up. First office experience and first time dressing up for work. BUT hated the job because I wasn't doing enough.


So Yeah...A Lot Of Jobs Left Out...But Hopefully You Can Better See My Transition. And Hard Work Always Beats Talent That's Not Used Properly.

Back To Square One?: I'm A Bit Scared

So yesterday....after a dentist appointment I went into a Dodge car dealership. Why?? I plan on buying a Dodge Challenger this coming Summer. This will be my second car. Where is my first you asked? Car accident totaled it. My first and only real car accident actually. I remember driving after it....for a long time I was still scared. Your nerves act up on your and you try to be extra careful. But the problem with being extra careful is that you're also setting yourself up for an accident (which I feel is sometimes the issue with female drivers). Instead of continuing when the light turns yellow and you're at the crosswalk doing 30...you try your best to stop and then what happens? You get rear ended and its your fault instead of continuing through the light. That's not what happened to me after the accident, but it was situations that came up where I made stupid mistakes because I was scared. 

In my car accident, I was making a right turn on red, which is legal where I was. The lanes where clear and after a couple seconds of going and speeding up...I was rear ended by someone speeding. I thought it was a dream, but realized it wasn't since....it was too realistic lol. I ended up on the other side of traffic (which is usually busy during rush hour, but for that time being it was empty, Thank God) and the force pushed me into the parking lot of a business (had to do some navigating of course to miss objects). So my issue for a while was being rear ended. My motorcycle...multiple times I almost died. From guys coming to a full stop on the highway, to a cab driver cutting in front of me while I was going too fast to stop. So what did I do? Well it was a single lane road......because the right hand side was numerous pillars and the left hand was the on coming traffic...I sped up....and split between an on coming car and the cab driver in front of me. Seriously inches for near death. Wait....just remembered I had an accident on that bike lol. Tried to look cool in front of some coworkers and ended up smashing into a wall on my right hide. I flew off that bike so quickly lol. Thank God the bike didn't continue and end up hitting me. Rode off and was pissed at the world lol.

What may you ask is my issue now though?? A part of me don't feel as if I'm supposed to have great things. Why? Because when I have great things....they tend to mess up somehow. Not my most important things....(ie..PS3, xbox, tv, laptops) but stuff where it cost more money. Maybe its because of the way I grew up...not having anything good or great really). But anyways...I feel as if I'm going to crash it or someone will hit me. I hope to God neither happens, but you never know.Wish me luck. Here are some pictures of the car I want (minus a special package I was going to have done separately, but sounds cheaper just to order it included).

You Want A Map To The Maze?: The Obama Dream

Barack Obama.....President of the United States of America....why was he voted President? Well there are many reasons from this. From....him being a Democrat, to him being black, to people believing in his views and opinions, and to the fact that he is a great speaker and sounds very articulate. But what's my point here?? Well we could talk about the little boy that came from a simple life to becoming a leader of a country and an idol. A man that has set new trends and changed lives just from him being able to run for president. We could talk about a man that is head of his family while running around the world to take care of business (but then again we are on the outside looking in). But what is this about?? Well you guys know I rather talk about something that hits home more than anything else. So this is about the females always saying they want a guy like Obama.

What is my issue with this exactly? Well there are two kinds of females that I have a problem with saying this...the rest are allowed to say whatever they feel like lol. 

1. The females that say she wants a Man like Obama, then goes for guys like Daquan down the block.
2. The females that say she wants a Man like Obama, but have nothing to offer a man like that.

Now the first is the female that I have partially mentioned before. She's the one that say she wants a Mr. Right, but actually goes for Mr. Quick Fix (not even Mr. Right Now because even he's too good. She just needs someone to be with). She can talk about ALLLLLLLL she wants in life and what kind of guy she thinks is perfect.....wants to marry.....want to spend the rest of her life with.......but who is she dating? The guy that beats her. The guy that cheats on her. The guy that lies and disrespects her. Now yes....we all lie sooner or later (male n female), but she's going for the compulsive liar.

The second female....she's can be categorized in many ways. She could be the hoodrat that's having sex with the DJ for him to play her jam throughout the night. She could the average female with nothing going for herself...just a part time job with no realistic goals. Or the ones with a good career and thinks she's running the world, but then again her personality and traits horrible. And finally the female that looks beautiful but thinks it being the only thing going for her can get any man. All of these females ask for a Man like Obama that has a great personality and honorable in many ways (from the outside looking in). So what makes her even think she can be with him? It goes to my theory of dating lol.

In my mind, it is a fact that Females always want to date up...but Men are good with dating down. What do I mean?? Am I saying he is a better person?? Blah blah blah?? lol. My point is based on position in life and what that person can offer. Females...even if they don't have what they want in the man....will still request it. Can't count the times I have seen females ask for a guy with a job....but don't have one. A car....but taking the bus. Own apartment....but lives with parents. And so on and so forth. Men...we care less about the material stuff and the "what can she do for me" stuff and more about the female. Yes, it can be solely on looks at times, but that's sometimes. Guys will in a way....."settle".

But why do these females dream and dream about a Man like Obama? Because real Men with such success in life don't want females like these.

So ladies, before you go around lying to yourselves and saying you want Obama, but really want Tayshawn....or just another hood chic on the block......be honest with yourself and those around you.