There's No Authority In This Maze: F The Police?

Like some others, I'm from the inner city and grew up a delinquent. Add that in with an authoritative father who ran a dictatorship (where my mother's power was second) ...and you have a young person that hated cops and everything they represented. In the African American community (for the majority) cops are seen as the bad people. They are the bad guys. The guys that take away your friends and family. The ones always pushing you around when you're hanging out with friends. The party crashers. The list goes on and on. But when you stop to think about it all...the cops are doing what they are suppose to and most often help us in the end.

On a Saturday night in the hood, walking with a friend of mine, I spit in some grass, a cop sees me, stops me, and before I could punch him in the face or run like hell and hope he didn't catch me gives me a ticket while I was asking myself why the hell was I giving him my real information since I had no ID on me. Was he right? No. The case was thrown out of court when I went in. Was it a part of his job? Yes in a way. Police officers where I'm from have a quota of how many tickets they need to hand out monthly (so they would walk around my neighborhood all the time looking to mess with someone). So of course things like this, repeated harassment while hanging out on a bench or just walking around will cause a mindset of hate and anger towards these people that have nothing but power.

But over time and as I grew in age...plus all the videos of idiots I see online where people resist arrest, yell at and hit officers, or do things that call for an arrest or at least attention, but act as if the cops were wrong...I see why cops do SOME of what they do. Like Dave Chappelle once said "Even though I don't generalize, I do do percentages and averages." So if I see someone with their pants sagging, boxers showing, and walking around the hood or chilling on the block...guess what I'll think of them? Same thing everyone else does...thugs n hoodlums. What belongs to their culture? Drugs, Guns, Alcohol. If you tell me that doesn't describe the current rap/new age hip hop culture, then you're a liar. So I don't blame cops for riding up on a curb to stop me and my friends for walking one late night especially since we did have weapons on us and were looking for revenge for a homie (someone I didn't even know directly) that was jumped and thank God we weren't searched.

So what is my point here:

• You can't win against cops, so why argue and scream and go crazy? You will lose at the end of the day. Why? We give them the rights and power to always win.
• Don't resist arrest...it will only make things worse for you. Even if one of your friends started recording it while you were beat down but didn't show you giving the cop a 3 piece combo.
• You might say F the police now, but I bet when something you can't fix on your own comes up...you'll be calling them for help or assistance (I know I have).
• That "No Snitching" crap is exactly what it is, crap. 48 Hours has taught us all that most homicides have someone snitching. Whether the case is solved or not. Someone (even the thugs) will snitch.
• Being a police officer is a job, not a characteristic. I'm proud to say I have cop friends that are great guys.
• Finally, a lot of the times when someone is arrested or the cops come to break up a party...there is a valid reason for it. Someone had to call them.

 Why do I feel like putting money up...that he deserves everything he gets??

You Don't Want Help Do You?: The Independence Lies

"The shoes on my feet - I bought 'em
The clothes I'm wearing - I bought 'em
The rock I'm rockin' - I bought it
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted
The watch I'm wearin' - I bought it
The house I live in - I bought it
The car I'm driving - I bought it
I depend on me"
~ Independent Women Part 1, Destiny's Child

I think this is where it started. This was the foundation of the "I'm an Independent Woman" revolution. Now I'm all for women empowering themselves, feeling better about their lives, and working hard to be someone. No problem with that at all. But while I say that, I feel there are a lot of situations and events that was caused by this movement that caused things in society to go awry. I know what you're thinking...he is about to go and  bash women. No. Not at all. I love women that are truly independent. But that being said...I think people have a confusion as to what is independence, semi-independence, and dependence  or dependent and living with your parents but having a Burger King job to pay your cell phone bill and saying you're grown and independent. Well what are the definitions you ask? I will be gladly to share.

Based on the Webster's Dictionary:

Independence: "Not requiring or relying on others (as for care or livelihood)."

Semi-Independence: "Partially independent."

Dependent: "Relying on another for support (children)."

What is the confusion exactly? Because Destiny's Child said "All the women who independent, throw your hands up at me" and no one wants to feel left out and the odd ball, so every girl joined in and was jumping to be that independent women. Problem is...a lot of the females claiming independence, are in fact...semi-independent at most. Why? Well based on the actual definition of the word...you should not require dependence on anyone. But based on who I'm seeing call themselves independent, they're really just girls with a little bit of money in their pocket. They shout independence, but yet only can cover a small personal bill and new jeans now and again.

Lets make some examples....first lets bring up Rachelle. She's a bright young girl, intern at an accounting firm. She screams "I'm independent, everything I have I bought it. I got my own money"....but lets go deeper...she lives at home and her shopping sprees are covered by her father. That's NOT independence. How about Lisa, she is a bit young and has a job at Subways, but has her own crib and her father doesn't pay for anything...yet her boyfriend covers the bills since Lisa only makes enough to be ghetto fabulous. We can even visit Casey. She lives alone at home with her mom....the rest don't even matter. She's not independent. And college students are just as dependent as anyone else in these examples

See my points here? We are not even mentioning the females that say they are independent with a work study job and their parents pay all their bills. But you will still hear her screaming at the top of her lungs that she does everything on her own lol. And let's not go into the case of the girl that gets on guys because of what they are lacking, yet her daddy bought her car and pampers her with all her clothes and accessories. I can say I've seen the last example 1,001 times lol.

So what's my point here? There is nothing wrong with being young and semi-independent. Nothing wrong with being young and dependent. Whether parents, boyfriends, or just family members, its ok (until you get older, then its sad). They are there to lend a helping hand and in some situations a crutch. But at the same time...don't lie to yourself and others. Me? Everything I own...I bought. My bills covered by me. And I've lived on my own for years now. You don't hear me screaming "I'm independent". But damn Destiny's Child for starting a movement that cause females to lie to themselves even more than usual (which was then upstaged by Beyonce's 'Girls' song). 

Some of you are saying "Well they have to fake it till you make it", well I agree with that ideal to a point. What is that point? Where you're lying to yourself about the truth and getting on others because of it. So next time you see a woman saying she refuses to let a man be the head of the household...hear a female yelling at men about what she has because she feels someone cares...think about this song...and think about all the females that are in this movement lying to themselves...and paying the price because of it. What is the price? That's a long post in itself lol. Maybe one day though.

So is this a case of a female feeling independent or a black female fed up? Since we don't know the background....its a toss up.

How Do You Know Your Future Path?: Private Schools Vs Public Schools

Now this is something that I have talked about a couple times lately with friends and seen many people discuss. Also saw a number of wonderful documentaries talking about the U.S. school system and the success behind charter schools. So what am I here to say to you all? That my kids...will never go to a public school lol. And here's why: *Be warned, many stereotypes and generalizations are about to occur*

So lets start with public schools. Went to them my entire life and even for college. What's the problem with these public schools?

• The teachers. Not all of them, but I knew of many teachers that didn't care. Especially when teachers get their tenure lol. There is even a show coming out called Bad Teachers that covers this. Teachers get tenure and CAN NOT BE FIRED WHATSOEVER. So what happens to them? They are moved to another school or go through a slap on the wrist punishment.
• Violence. A lot of bad kids (yes, I believe in there being bad kids) end up just going to their zone schools. So a number of students from the wrong neighborhoods ends up with James bringing a gun to school (which happened in my high school and I had beef with James, so happy he was caught). And yes, it can happen in a private school...but how many fights and out of order issues do you think happen between the two?
• Education. The most important one. We all know that the education system we have is horrible. There are tricks used to fix and work around this. One of which being longer school days, incorporating technology, and the simplest...creating person relationships with students.
• Possibilities. Now anything can happen anywhere. But with less attention being given to students, the possibilities are endless. We all know about the girls giving head in the back hallways and on the staircases. I remember in the 7th grade, I would hang out with girls every day in the back staircase instead of going to lunch.

Problems with private/charter schools:

• The biggest issue I hear are the other students there are snobby...but I rather my kid have to be around snobby kids he can ignore or grow to want to beat out in life, then around kids that just want to hang out and do nothing.
• The girls end up going wild. And you telling me Shaquetta from M.S. 234 wasn't just on the block prostituting? People with that remark make it seem like girls in public schools don't end up wild and slutty. Some worse since they have less opportunities.

Though I made it a good distance with a public school education, don't be fooled...I know I would be ten times better off if I had a private school education. My biggest problem now that I'm working on is my vocabulary. I remember testing to go into a special middle school and got in, but my parents couldn't afford it. Then for high school, I barely missed the score needed to get into a school for science and math. Had a girlfriend that went there, she told me universities would come and they would be admitted wherever they liked. She ended up going to University of Florida. When my school had college fairs...the main stands in our gym were all military services and community colleges. So you look at me and tell me private and charter schools aren't the best thing for kids. On average, your goals are smaller, your opportunities are smaller, and the people laying out the right path for you just aren't there.

Searching For The Next Move Wont Help: God's The Answer?

I've come to a conclusion these days...people expect for everything to be solved with God and religion. Is this actually true that it will? No. If you know me, you would know that I am a very religious Muslim man. I praise God and thank him daily for all that he has done for me and my family. We're very blessed. But that being said...even during times of poverty, sadness, and whatever else the world throws at people to have them in a state of needing an answer...we prayed to God for help in doing what we needed to do and went out and did it ourselves hoping he would be there. But what is the main point there? That we didn't use God as a crutch or to put everything on him, like he's going to magically come down and throw us a million dollars with some answers to questions.

And that's what I think is wrong today with some of the people out there. Not to mention the nuts in these mega-churches that think the pastor/reverend is some kind of messiah or prophet. Can someone explain to me when it became God's job to fix your relationship or take you out of your situation? That's crazy talk to me. I say God is there in order to guide us in the right direction, not to come from the sky with baby milk since you spent the money on the club. Yes, I know there are tons of families out there in bad situations because of chance or life...but that still doesn't give them a reason to go and put everything in hopes that God will save them without them putting in some work also. Pastors say it all the time, "God helps those that help themselves". Putting all your cards on God while holding your weed in one hand, a bottle of Ciroc in the other, and crying about not being able to make it out the projects after losing your job and not having enough money to pay the mortgage instead of doing your best to solve the issue (even if it includes filling for Bankruptcy) is what will lead to a long line of living on the edge. Once saw a woman with a kid on True Life (on MTV)...her income (which was only from child support) couldn't pay all of her bills (though she lived alone instead searching for someone to live with). How did she manage? She would randomly end up with money each month from different sources. How long can you last like that?

When i was younger, I heard someone say that Christianity is the poor man's religion. When you think about such a statement, the first thing that should come to mind is the fact that so many Americans are Christians (from all kinds of economic levels). Then you might stop and think...hold on...are we considering Christianity to be all sects, or are we diving them up? I know I don't consider Catholics to be the same (especially after going to a Catholic church). But then you think about all the people in low income neighborhoods that rely on God for everything. Makes you wonder why the ratio of higher economic people are in churches less often and talk about it less...or is it just based on the specific cultures they belong to. And honestly, I agree....Christianity is the poor man's religion. I can go on for days making little points about why, but that will end will an extra long post lol. Think about it yourself and tell me what you think. Does religion (all religions included) give an excuse for people in bad situations to stay there? Is it a way for people to pass the blame of their situation and what has happened to them? Or is it just the personality of those individuals all wrong??

Wonder how real or valid the below pictures are....? And if they are valid, I see a connection between economy and religion lol

Story Time (By memory): There once was a woman that was lost at sea in a small boat. Away from everyone and no way to call for help, she waited for a sign from God. A ship came by and saw her in need of help. She told him : "No thank you, God is coming to help me and will provide a sign". The ship left along with the crew. Another ship came and saw her. When they came close, she told them: "No thank you. I'll be ok. God will save me and show me a sign". As time passed...the woman died. When she got to heaven she asked God: "Hey, I was in need of your help, why didn't you save me or show me a sign?". Then God replied: "I did send you signs, I sent two ships that wanted to save you."

Was The Tumbleweed Tossing By?: Lateness

So yeah, I have been off this for a while...why you might ask? No reason in particular. No excuse. No big reason or anything. I just haven't been in the blogging mood. What I do though, is read other people's blogs. Its an every day thing for me lol. I spend a lot of time getting into the thoughts and beliefs of others. So yes, I am back. Going to be putting out  a lot of things I have in mind (as always I've had things I been dying to write about, but don't put them out for some reason) and welcoming more people reading this blog. I can see the stats, so I get to see the hundreds of visitors that come by and read the site. Thank you to everyone. And yes, this is me saying I will be posting on a more regular basis again. Sorry about the away time lol.

Did You Really Enter The Maze?: The Lal Bihari Experience

So I know its been forever, and I just got out the gym, but I thought it was about time I wrote a new post. Like always, my mind has tons of things to talk about, but I slack when it comes to actually putting it all out there. So here I am...A friend of mine and a reader of this blog told me about a topic she wanted me to cover. What is it? Lal Bihari. I know what you're thinking...who or what is that lol. Well I didn't know at first either. And I think she did it in order to see how my mind will attack suck a thing. Or maybe just to open up the idea to you guys.

Lal Bihari was a simple farmer with an outrageous story. Where does it really start? With his own uncle paying off some government official in India to write him off as deceased in order to get his land lol. Of all things. And he didn't even know until he hit up a bank for a loan. Imagine that conversation lol. I would have been in shock and aw...after causing a riot of course and starting a fire of course. So what did he do? He did something that I feel only a few people would do...he didn't go after his uncle to kill him or go to the police as the only resort....he started the Association of the Dead (Mritak Sangh). It was a coalition of people that this very same thing happened to. Maybe not for the reason of land or officials being paid off, but it had a hundred members when he started, and now has over twenty thousand.

What the hell has to be going on in India for that to be happening lol. First thing an American would be thinking...well they have an unorganized system and so many people, its easy to see how people can easily go missing or "dead" lol. Well it is what i was thinking about. I mean, how the heck would I feel if I was "dead" and walking around thinking everything was fine....wait....you know what that means....no school loans lol. I would do it. In. A. Heart. Beat. But then again I wouldn't have the ability to vote (while Bihari actually ran in an election to prove he was alive).

I guess this just shows us something...when the world gives you lemons...you organize all the lemon holders and fight against the powers that allowed you to be given those damn lemons to begin with lol. find a way to make the best of it (not going to say lemonade since its hard to make a good lemonade). I must say though...you have to respect a man that wouldn't stop trying. Especially when his death can only be categorized at some time within a 18 year span.

This is the face of a man that literally faced death and won lol

Do You Feel That Draft?: The Shay Affect

So some of you readers know who I am in real life. Some of you only know me online. But if you know me long enough, you would have known that I was never the suave guy that had all the ladies (but my charm now definitely can win them over). For some reason people that didn't know me thought I had all the ladies, but so far from true lol. Most people will agree...we chase the ones we want, while the one we should want is chasing us. That was my case in many ways. Still kinda is, but everything I do or don't do is for a reason now. But where am I going with this? Today someone popped into my head. A female that meant a lot to me. Yes...this is me sharing again lol. Don't get use to it though. I really don't care to share my love life, but this is something that I felt was needed to be shared.

Who is she? What does she mean to me? What happened? Her name WAS Taisha Shay. She meant the world to me at one point (or that is what I felt, who knows if it was me being young and dumb), and what happened is a long story lol, so I'll give the just of it. We met when I was playing video games in my dorm room (which we had an open door/ walk-in policy). She walked in and said hello (She wore a fitted shirt and blue jeans skirt that was kinda long). After some jokes and flirting that day it became a regular routine for us. Once I knew she was single (she messed with some guy on and off), I jumped at my chance to be with her. Calling her to talk on the phone. Text messages that I know would make her smile. Sweet gestures. Spending time with her was hard at times, but that was there also. Outcome.....she went back to dude. But that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

I ended up having a class with her the very next semester and my feelings for her grew. Joking around in class, flirting, and trying to always be in reach. When she was single again, I threw my hat in the race one more time. This time I went even harder. Landed in the same dorm (by accident) and would walk to her room when I got off work. I can't remember ever putting in such effort for one female. If I said all the little things I did and tried here, this post would be too long. I would question her wife material value at times though when I would see her drunk after parties, but then again, that's what college was about at our age, so I overlooked it. And I definitely hoped many times she would come with me after those parties lol. I even remember going in for a kiss one time and her putting a pause to my effort and telling me "Not yet, we need to be together first". Outcome....she went back to ole dude....but that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

I transferred to another school and so did she. We kept in contact though. Facebook is always a great tool for that lol. But here we were...more mature and ready for settling down (or at least that's what we thought). Talked about plans and what kind of things we would do together. Long phone conversations. Then whenever plans were made....nothing happened. Back then I blamed myself. I was a broke college student with phone problems and no car. Nevertheless, with time I realized something....those days I would still call and message her throughout the times to get in contact with her...while she was unreachable and only once she called back. When I saw the missed call, I repeatedly called back to no avail. Funny thing was...I had broken up with my girl in order to be with her (and my girl knew). Though as you might have expected...the Outcome....she ended up with someone else and I told her I was done chasing her....but that doesn't mean my feelings for her died.

So what happens now? I transferred schools again and landed in Albany, NY. Went back with the girl I broke up with (and she followed me to the new school). But here comes Ms. Shay back in my life. We begin talking about how crazy it is that we want to be together with such distance (about 3-4 hrs driving). Nevertheless, we were both willing to give it a try. I was smarter now though, so I didn't break up (yeah, its cheating in a way) and didn't get my hopes high....when my phone calls slowly stopped being answered and she stopped reaching out to me...I let it go. Then when I saw wedding photos...I died a bit inside. We stayed in contact nonetheless...we were friends. Funny how it amused her to hear about the feelings I had though. I loved her. Now was it the same love I had for the two main relationships of my life? No. But it was what it was. Outcome....I'm in Michigan having a thought about her. Will I ever go and try to be with her? Hell No!! I'm a lot smarter now. Never would I be with someone that passed on me for another man. I refuse! Though...I can't even remember the number of times I would sing along with Bob Marley ~ Waiting In Vain (in the hundreds to thousands).

So while you read this and feel sorry for me, I write this and laugh at that idiot that thought he would win her heart. Sometimes you have to be a fool before you can grow. Fool me once...shame on you....fool me all those times and I kept falling for it....I was an idiot lol. We're good in my book and she knows it. After all the B.S. I still have love for you Mrs. Taisha Shay-Owens....or is it Mrs. Taisha Owens?

Care About My Maze?: So How Much Luggage Are You Checking?

Before I go in...let me state that this is the closest to my actual person life I've been on this blog. Its weird, but I felt there was something that could help females out there in the world....well at least entertain and create thought to those that read this blog anyways. Why don't I do it more often? Well people randomly tell me all the time that they read my blog. People I would have never expected. So excuse me if I am hesitant at times lol. Especially if what is in my head is about them. But what is this all about? Bringing baggage into a starting relationship.

So lets start with girl A since she was first. We began talking and off the back she isn't my type whatsoever, but we weren't initially thinking about dating anyways. Was just going to be a fun time. Then our long conversations turned into the feeling of 'Like' (which I can't see it getting anywhere past). And while my friends looked at me confused because I was talking about dating this female (just for the fun of it), one thing stood out about our conversations...She Kept Talking About Her Exes and Other Guys. Like seriously...why the heck do you think I would care? What do they have to do with me? Guys only need to know a couple things.

1, Why you guys broke up.
2, Do you talk now
3, Is there a chance of you guys getting back together.

And those questions don't need to be asked. They could just be found out with time. But there is no reason at all you need to be over there telling me on the phone about some other dude. I Don't Care. When she would talk about him, I would ignore the entire thing. Till this day I don't know what happened with them except for a pregnancy issue she keeps talking about. Other than that....I zone the hell out lol. I honestly don't even know why they broke up, but that is because of me zoning out so much. She would talk about other sexual partners she had and about the list of guys she gave a title to or had them eat her out. And here we are talking about being a couple and dating. Why the heck do I need this info??

As I write this, it makes me think about my last girlfriend...who would do the same exact thing, except even worse. She would come to me about the guys she's been with sexually and give details. Like what giving head to one guy was like and how it smelled. She would tell me all kinds of things about the dudes before me. And I would shut her down immediately each time and remind her that I don't care and that it made her sound like a hoe. Did I use that word? I don't think I did. I might have been nicer. But over time of hearing this stuff, that word did pop out of my mouth. I don't need to know what every guy you been with feels like inside you...I don't want to hear about how they all thought your "pu**y was the best" or how your head game always made them cum. You are only digging a deeper hole for yourself.

But that brings me to girl B. She was new. Things only lasted a bit over a week with her. Text conversations went well. She called me refreshing and said it was great to be talking to me. She was cool, so I basically said the same back. Ladies, know that if you compliment me, I will prob just compliment you back or use your own compliment on you. Do I mean it? Maybe, maybe not. But I'm not big on compliments. Our first date...I can't even count how many references she made about her exes. She talked on and on about her past relationships. From being engaged to thinking some guy was the one and not being able to see herself in love like that with any other guy. And the countless dudes she thought she would marry or end up with turning out to be flops. She would even go into telling me how many guys she know that have been hitting her up for sex lately. Doesn't help that we started following each other on twitter and she keeps talking about her ex lately and how guys hurt her (I didn't notice that stuff beforehand, or I would have never went out with her). But what did I do on the date? I ignored that crap. I don't care about the last dude. Why are you telling me about your past relationships? Do you think I really care?? I keep repeating these questions because I'm confused as to why females do this. No One Cares Or Wants To Hear It. So after spending time with her another day and hearing more crap about other guys and needing someone different...she told me she was "sorry for leading me on, but not ready for a relationship right now". I bust out laughing when I got that text. Why? Because I had already really had her in the friend zone. It was really a lie on her part because of her multiple signs of her telling me I was someone she wanted to continue things with (from us talking about being more physical, her counting out how many dates we been on or will go on, making future plans for us, telling me she wanted to take things slow with me or how great I was doing with her, and giving me pointers to what will have her put up a wall). But what was wrong with her that she was in the friend zone? I don't know a hardcore answer...but that stuff about other guys definitely didn't help her outlook to me lol.

Basically people...no one wants to hear about your baggage. I have a lot of females in my past. But that's the past. I keep them there. UNLESS you ask me about them, I will only disclose my very last relationship and ONLY say why we broke up or why I'm single. I've met COUNTLESS females that talk about exes. Age doesn't matter with that. I was just talking to a 30 year old female talking about the same thing on the phone (and one of her exes being Terrell Owens, who's now on the Cincinnati Bengals) . She went on and on about past relationships and went into complaining about her job for 15 minutes. More stuff that's unattractive and don't want around me. Your stuff from your last relationship does not need to be in your new relationship. Either keep it to yourself and try to move on or forget it in the past somehow.

Please...check your baggage before doing anything else. And if you have too much, that's not a good look either. No person wants someone that brings way too much with them. Especially when you're just getting to know one another. I thought everyone knew this. I thought everyone knew not to go on and on about exes though lol. The things you learn in the dating scene.

Try New Search Algorithms: Is Online Dating The Magic Gateway?

I just read a statistic that shows 1/8 marriages last year were from couples who met online. The funny thing about this is...a lot of the people I have met in recent years have been from online. I've made some great friends from Twitter and even had a girlfriend that I met from there. My oldest brother met and married a women he met off Match.com. One of my most important relationships ever was hooked up by a mutual friend after I saw her friend on Facebook. The closest person to me now in Michigan, I met when she hit me up online. And till this day I periodically have multiple phone numbers sent to me from females online that want to hang out and be friends, and some for more than just that. As a matter of fact, I recently went out a date with a girl from twitter. We did decide to be friends though.

But what am I getting at? With the invention of Myspace, which everyone knows is just a spot to find people to hook up with, and the invention of Facebook and Twitter, outlets for staying in contact with people while meeting new and cool people, the world is becoming more internet based. We can have a whole conversation and never say a word to one another. We could keep in contact with one another and never have to reach for a phone or a pen. We are in a world where there are 1,001 ways to be in contact with one another and so why wouldn't this be true.

Some feel that meeting people online is strange and weird. Especially someone to hook up with or maybe go into a relationship with. I honestly don't. Maybe because I'm such a technology person or because I'm a guy without fear of being raped lol. But honestly, there isn't much difference when meeting someone that could be crazy and you meet them in a mall or on a school campus. So what do I say to this new statistic....congrats to those people who found love and are now married. That's it really. Not much I could say. I'm happy for them and hope things work out. I actually saw two groups of people taking pictures after their weddings. Did they meet online? Who knows. But there are tons of ways to meet online. Whether because it was an intention while using e-harmony or by accident while having a debate over a friend's status on Facebook.

My point is...you never know where you will meet the one. So why limit yourself nowadays. But do be careful, some people are uglier than what their pictures show lol. Advancements in technology also means more ways to lie to you.

Watch Your Back Step: Errors On Blogs

Like everyone else, I hate reading something someone says and there are errors. I consider myself a blogger and I like to read the blog of others. And when doing so, I hate spotting out errors. I hate when they make silly mistakes. And I hate it even more if they say things that call for me to write them a comment about it lol. But a friend of mine just said I have grammatical errors in some of my posts. I HATE making mistakes and errors. So if you see them, but be afraid to point them out. Except if you're here. She will scan every post like her life depends on it lol. Give it to an English major with a degree to try and find things wrong. Thanks Ash. Love you sis.

You Knew What This Was: Who's Lying Here?

So I'm on Facebook and comment on a friend's post as a joke (though also serious). His status stated:

Congratulations to all of my Friends and Family that graduated to day From SUNY COLLEGE At Oldwestbury. There aint no place like Oldwestbury. We're cut from a different cloth. I cant wait to see what everybody does next.

So being that I went to SUNY Old Westbury for my first year of college and happy I had left, I stated:

I'm with you....can't wait to see where they'll be packing groceries at either. I vote a Costco or a Walmart lol.

 Was this a bit mean? Yes lol. But that's how I am sometimes. But that started a conversation among others about the name of your college not mattering. And to be honest, its a lie to think otherwise. Let's be honest and real with this. Lets make two men. Same in the exact ways. Both have the same drive and ambitions, same supporting cast, everything the same....except one graduated from Harvard Law, one graduated from West Bubble Community College Law program. They both apply for a job at the top law firm in the country. Who is getting more attention and being looked at first? In some scenarios, the second guy wouldn't even be looked at. Can guy B win the job and get ahead? Yes, but guy A would have to mess up first.

When companies would hit me, they would openly admit they wanted people only from top tier schools. And I don't blame them. Our education wasn't the same. Don't lie to yourselves. If I said I graduated with a degree from Yale, everyone would look at me differently (even though I didn't). Your brain instantly says a couple things when someone says where they got their degree from.

1, Did I ever hear of that school and does that school sound like a good one?
2, Based on the first question, you either think more of them, nothing chances, or less of them
3, Some people use this step to think of their response, being good or just saying "Oh, alright"
4, Based on step two, they are thinking either how to get off the topic of school or want to know more about your experience.

All of this happening in seconds of course. But we know its true. Its being honest. I worked harder than someone that graduated from West Bubble Community College for my degree, and someone from Stanford worked harder than I did. Does it mean one of us is smarter or harder working overall?? No. More ambitious and goal oriented? No. Just means what it is. The place you went and got your degree from matters a lot.

What Does Your School Say About You??

Update On The 'College Conspiracy' Documentary

Alright. I can't help myself. over here. This film gets crazy by the minute. And forgot to post the link before, but will do so this time. And include the video. But WOW lol. Nothing I say in this post will be me paraphrasing or giving the general idea....I will tell you exactly what they are saying. And what are they saying? People should not go to college because it is a scam. They should instead ONLY graduate from high school and start working IMMEDIATELY after. Then instead of working to gain money, they should work to get gold and silver ONLY because people will not be able to do anything with actual American money lmao. Wow. This is........hilarious.

They even come up with some number examples. So if you don't know...years ago the education system did a study and found that people with a degree end up making over a million dollars more over a lifetime than someone without a college degree...but that also being said this documentary came up with an example that shows its less money earned than that. Let me show you.

1, They state the average private institution cost about $27,000 for tuition....even though no one said you had to go to such an expensive school. And public is just fine.
2, With the average college student finishing college in more than 4 years, 5 to be exact, they post an example for 6 years Including Expected inflation costs.
3, At 6 years of college with such a price, it would cost $182,000 to go to school and take out loans. Yet I don't know anyone in that kind of debt for just a bachelors.
4, With that price, it would be about $61,000 in interest at 5.15%, but that's based on the idea that you take out $182,000 in loans to pay for school.
7, Yes 7, if they could play tricks with numbers, so could I lol The average American without a college degree makes about $35,000 a year. Though I don't know if they include people who went and had other training (like police men, fire men, EMT, construction workers) and that number seems a bit high for some 18 (or 17) year old kid coming out of high school to be making....straight out of high school lol.
8, The 6 years in college times the $35,000 that person could have been making totals to $200,000 of missed out on income.

So by this point...they prove that going to college is counter productive lmao. They speak to professionals making $200,000 a year and them stating that a college education had nothing to do with their income. Even though when you stop and look at life, you need that degree to get that first job you had out of college...unless you have a hook up lol. But the part I love the most is the professor saying online classes are better because it saves kids 2 gallons of gas for travel lol. And that online schools is the best way to go...even though many of the online schools are not accredited by the education boards. So you might have worked for an engineering degree at one....and its worth toilet paper because its not an accredited school

All and all...this video was funny and made me laugh at the world. If anyone goes on to think they are right and college is not for you because its a scam...have fun living your life out with $35k until you're too old to work. Honestly, this video just sounds like a half a**ed scare tactic with some ulterior motives. It really used extreme examples and points to get across small things. Using big words and scary words to get the people watching into panic mode. But don't have too much fun watching it guys lol.

One thing they said that I agree with...because 70% of high school grads go off to college, you working on a college degree doesn't make you stand out or special...To me...its what you do with that degree that matters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpZtX32sKVE  <~Is it just me or do they talk about the NIA A LOT throughout the entire film. Then they ask you to sign up for their newsletter and become a member. A little fishy? No? lol. Sounds like someone wants some money here.

Some Steps Can Be Taken Back: Looking Down On Them

At what point should someone give up the life they came from and improve themselves?? Its easy (when you stop and think about it) to give up on slacking on your school work and getting the grades you want and need for a better life. People are quick to say they are educated and doing something with their lives because they are in college. It's easy to denounce the music of Waka Flacka and Gucci Mane, yet bump it in your car. Its all good to laugh at those not in your situation because you are "progressing" and going to live that good life. But my question to you is....when you're ACTUALLY successful and living the life you were working towards....and you come from a less than good place, so you're even more excited and happy....when do you give up the things you did before?

People say that you can take someone out the hood, but that doesn't mean you can take the hood out of them. I agree. I have been grooming myself for years to be ready for a world I am not use to. A world where I am the TRUE minority and had to show a great example of who I am...but not just for myself of course, but for my people. For many, I don't think it is while in college. I see people doing the same things as they did before without a care in the world. I saw a blog the other day talking about how black people look like thugs when they go out to a club or something...and I agree completely. Guys with the sagging jeans, hoodies, big jackets, flashy jewelry, and that's not talking about the language and the large talk about drugs in the community. Females, don't think you are out of the woods with your clothing that makes you look like sluts ready for any sex partner to come and scoop you up.

But what am I getting at here? I left the hood and I change my style of dress. Been working on my use of vulgar language for years and finally have it down. You have/will never seen me in the flashy jewelry or someone see me going out and mistake me for a drug dealer. Why? Becuase I left that stuff behind. So why is it so hard for others? I would see many groups of African American students hanging out and doing drugs while blasting vulgar music and dressing like they came straight from the block....then be angry when someone puts them in a stereotype. Even with rappers....you will see them hit a certain level of fame and them convert over to being able to make the real money. Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs and Sean 'Jay Z' Carter are two of the richest men in hip hop....well thee richest men really. Totally about a billion dollars by themselves. Crazy, I know. But their income changed....and so did their style of dress. You can still see them dressed up or having on a t-shirt, fitted hat, and some jeans...but what is stopping others from doing this on a smaller scale?

If you leave the hood and claim you're doing it big because you're progressing....why not work on yourself along with working on a future. Keep looking like a hoodlum or hoodrat, and your money will forever be small scale compared to what it could be.

Call me an Oreo or an Uncle Tom....but I'll be waving back at you while living the life you only dream of.

Were You Prepared For This?: The School System

So today I watched a documentary and currently watching one. Both about the education system. And both showing the little things that majority of people didn't know or really think about, but some live with and think about every day. The first documentary was 'Waiting for Superman'. The second is the 'College Conspiracy'. So let me do a quick breakdown if you haven't seen either film.

'Waiting for Superman' talks about the entire school system. From the horrible number of students that can pass reading or math exams nationwide (20%-40% passing when nationally tested after the No Child Left Behind movement)...to the number of high schools over 40% when it comes to their drop out rates (2,000 in the U.S.). It shows multiple forms of the school system failing children, from bad teachers not being able to be fired after they hit tenure (which is time based) or chancellors not having free range to extend the length of the school day. It was a great documentary that really opened up the school system for what it was.....a Failing One.

As I watch 'College Conspiracy', the topic thus far is the school system...but more about around college obviously. They are hitting home right now about the great idea that any kid can go to school, go to college, be whatever they want to be, and then end up with the exact life they want. Which everyone that has graduated college knows is a load of bull. Nevertheless as I watch, I am split on this movie. Why? I am a person that is living that life of bull. I went and got an education, now living the life I want, and doing what I see fit. But of course, I can't go in on this movie without watching the whole thing....so that shall come later.

So what am I to talk about right now? Well the school system period. When I look back at my younger years, the school system failed me and the people I know. Now I won't go on about the horrible teachers I have had in my past...because honestly I didn't have too many bad ones. My friends would tell me all the time about their teachers telling them that they didn't care or that they didn't learn anything. And nevertheless, our school system is half day care school because of all the things going on inside of them and parents expecting teachers to raise their kids (which to me is idiotic). But how did the school system fail me? Well there aren't many ways, but they are strong. The rest of my failures in school was based on my own actions.

For starters, overcrowded classrooms. Not much I could do about it, and I hope the school would not be happy with giving them out to students, but so is life. Its hard to get the attention you might want or need when you have 30+ students in a class and a fight breaks out. In high school, a lot of the times I would go to one of my favorite math teachers and ask him for math problems. I would have him help me solve complex math problems I saw somewhere. I was in his class during other classes so I could gain extra information. I loved being in his room and around him. But not everyone can find a teacher to get that extra help.

Another...Safety. The school tried with metal detectors and guards, and agents coming in, but something else should have been done. From fights in basketball games, to gang vs gang brawls after school, and to the things I only heard about because I left early (Thank God for lunch last period).

End of the day though....if I failed something...if I didn't get extra time on some work...if I wasn't on a level I should have been...it was my fault. I made the choices I made. I could have found problems in centers to help me, but I chose to hang out with friends or get a job. So the school system failed me when I was younger, but I failed myself most of all. But thank God again that I was never left back or had to drop out in high school. I read on the right level (I made sure to always read books even outside of the curriculum), my math  scores were good (look where it landed me) and I've always been one for science.

Chemistry Olympiad. Advanced Placement and Honors every single year. A great degree and the ability to pay off my school loans....I'm happy with the education system...but I'm only one person. It's failed others Greatly.

Is It Snack Time: Time To Give Out Cookies

So I'm a nice person. And I like to give cookies and doggy biscuits to those that deserve it. Thus...here I go.

1. First cookie goes to those that try to show off by posting their GPA online or bragging to friends. Am I jealous? I'm really not. Am I angry with them? No. So what is the issue? Well a lot of things goes into a gpa and how I look at it. First of all, what's your major? If you're a Liberal Arts student, then I would expect a higher GPA. How hard does your course load even get? Second, what classes were you taking that semester? I have a hard degree to just up and get, but there was a semester in college where.....nope...nope....can't remember a semester with easy classes. But I know its possible. So what did you take to be able to really show off....I'll wait. Third, what school do you attend? If you're going to some school anyone with $50 can get into, the course work can't be that hard that you have anything below it the grade you are bragging about. What did I graduate with? A 2.73. Am I happy about it? Yeah...people in my department had lower and I know I worked hard for it. So you can post your 3.73.....but I don't think you want to compare yourself to me.
2. The people that compare themselves to others and belittle them or try and put themselves on a pedestal because they are in college. Like that is the automatic factor that will lead to them being rich. I have friends that have degrees and work at fast food restaurants, retail, stores, or don't have jobs at all. So you're "I'm in college" line is useless in my eyes. Come to me when you have a 5 Year Plan. When you have REALISTIC goals and marks to hit at certain times, with the drive to match of course. That is when I will respect you. So you boasting about "being educated" although some of the dumbest people I have ever met, I met in college because you're in college simply means you went to school longer for some reason, which could have been just to have college fun.
3. People that try to make a point to show that you can be "successful" and rich without working hard in college. The people that support the drug junkies that are too high to do school work all semester, but pass the class somehow. The people that point to people like Waka Flaka and Wiz Khalifa (I think that's how you spell their names) and say they want to be like that. Well I congratulate you. Me....I would rather be the people that signs their checks. That's just me though. But don't get me wrong, I respect the people that are able to have their fun and have great grades to match.
4. The last pack of cookies I'm giving out goes to a certain guy I witness on Divorce Court. What did he do? He went and got married to a crazy woman and he ended up regretting it. What did she do? Well he was a gamer...he wasn't a fun of it...so she first cut his system wires. He replaced them....so she threw it in the oven and cooked it. His son from another relationship had a big baseball game, she took his keys and hid them so he couldn't go...because the child's mother didn't want her there. She was abusive (one of the reasons was because he gave his son more attention). She stole his credit card and had $1,700 charged on it for sex toys. She went and got a boyfriend on the side. Why does he get the cookie? She was too crazy to not see this from the jump. He should have been smart enough to dodge that marriage. People think their partner will change once a ring is in the picture....most times than not...it really wont.

Yes....there are a couple things that annoy me in the world. And like myself, we all judge and have pet peeves. So now you may judge me also lol. But if you find a reason where I deserve a cookie or a biscuit, make sure its my favorite flavor.

Don't Judge My Decorations: Hoodrat Love

This post is exactly what this is about. A shout out to the hoodrats. Now some of you are asking yourself....why would Mr. Nerd Man Jr himself be with a hoodrats. Well.....all guys at some point have been with one (No matter the race, but they do have different names). Have I ever had a girlfriend that was a hoodrat? Yes. Will I talk about her right now? No. But my point is just to show some love to the females having sex on the project stairways. The females holding down a guy and all his friends with a special gift. The girls providing videos online showing off their fighting skills against other hoodrats because of a guy. Or the females that entertain us with their crazy antics. No one shows love to these females, but darnit I will....well for the next couple minutes anyways. But of course, they won't get a full length post lol.

Why am I even writing this? Just to show that although hoodrats are the scourge of world. But they need love too. Whether trailer park trash, scaliwags*, or just the girl down the block with the 5 baby fathers and 4 kids (she's busy stringing along two different guys over her last kid lol).

On a serious note though, I could never be in a real relationship with one. Would I use one for a fun time? Yeah. I'm a guy and far from a liar. Will I tell her she is a hoodrat? Of course not lol. I will treat her nicely and have her think otherwise. But then again:

Female all want an a**hole. Even the nice guy has to have some a**hole in him to KEEP his woman.

But ladies, next time you go out and do something hoodrattish (yes its a word today lol), please have someone around to get a picture/video and post it on my twitter timeline.

Why'd It Have To Be So Hard: People Confuse Me

Tonight has been an interesting one to say the least, from my friend hitting me up about a female he's talking to, to a guy on youtube sharing his preferences, to watching the Real World on MTV.

Why am I confused tonight? Well lets start from the beginning....The first thing that happened was the text and phone call I had with a friend of mine that is having trouble with a female he is speaking with. What confused me on this event? Well I won't disclose the conversation, but will talk about one thing that I continued to point out to him. That being...his money issues. He hasn't had a job for a while now and his money is declining. His only income comes from fixing computers for people he knows or referenced to. Not a bad way to make some money, but far from consistent. Yet...he is dating girls, going out with them, and spending money. Why come to me one day saying you might move because of money issues one day, then the next week tell me you bought a girl you're dating a gift to make her feel special. Screw that...there are tons of ways to make a female feel special without coming out of the pocket. He proceeded to tell me he likes buying girls things and spent hundreds on a zune mp3 players years ago for his last girlfriend.....BEFORE they even became official. That stuff is confusing to me smh.

Second event? I saw a video on YouTube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-n7wt-DmbM&feature=fvsr ). In the video he's giving reasons why he rather a hoodrat chic over a "regular" female. Then one of the video replies was from a female that appears to be a hoodrat and saying she ONLY dates hood dudes. This was funny and confusing at the same time lol. Now I am one for everyone having their own preferences, and once you state them, it gives me the option to comment or not. So will I judge him for saying he RATHER hoodrats? No. Its a preference. He even stated he rather dates that type, but he's open to dating anyone. But what's funny is the female saying she hates other types of guys lol. Someone said something I completely agree with:

"This is the same kind of chick who fu**s with these kind of guys, get's pregnant, then when the father doesn't stick around she blames ALL BLACK MEN instead of looking at the choices in men that she made."

 Too true. But where is the confusion? I'm confused to what the heck someone has to go through to make that decision? I blame it on multiple things...mostly that of not going outside her "hood" (even though after being called a hoodrat many times, she states later in another video that she lives in the suburbs lol). She talks about that point a bit. But I know why the guy rather a hoodrat....they're easier targets.

Last event.......the Real World. Now I am not big on watching tv at all, but wanted to check it out. The most I do is see a show online somehow. What happened? A guy named Adam who is....wow...so many words I can use lmao a wild and crazy drunk, a cheater, controlling, an A hole, and multiple other things. Let me give you background. He has a girlfriend back home who knows she is being cheated on. He has a thing for a roommate, who has a thing for him. The roommate, Nany knows he's a cheater, brings girls home all the time, usually has multiple girlfriends....(but females are attracted to that type sometimes anyways). My issue? He gets drunk and starts breaking everything. One night almost hitting her and punching the wall instead. While he is held down by his friends, she is trying to get through everyone to be with him. What does she say? "It's ok if he hits me, I've been hit before". Then when he gets kicked off the show, she confesses her feelings for him and wants to be with him. Even crying over him leaving. My confusion is obvious...what the F**k is wrong with these hoes females make some dumb choices lol. As her roommates talk about how dumb this situation is to even be a situation (especially how she was saying how disgusting he is so many times), she cheats on her boyfriend (with Adam) and goes on a getaway with him before he has to live for good.

The things people say and do will always mess me up in the head lol

I'm Not Stopping You From Finishing: "Hi Haters"?

We have a new problem in our midst. What is it? Everyone thinking they have "Haters" or people "Hating" on them. How realistic are they really?? I mean, just because I don't like something that you do or have done means.....I'm a hater now?? What are the rules and regulations for being a hater?? Does the person I'm hating on have to be successful in some kind of way? And if so....why would I hate on some hoodrat that has on a new weave that I don't like? Or the grown man with the new Jordans....but I'm laughing because he lives with his parents still. Am I hating then also? 

I think people have come out with delusions in their mind as to what the facts are in life. What are they to me? For you to be hated on...

• You have to truly successful at something.
• You have to have some level of fame or popularity, for people to even know you even exist.
• You have to be doing something that others cannot easy do or have something that is hard to attain.

Basically...you can't be some average Joe. No one cares about the guy from the union coming into the club and buying bottles with his rent money. I don't understand this completely, but I do have some speculations into why people are also talking about having "Haters". Maybe its because they want to feel important. Because they want to point out that they have something they feel others might like. Or just to belong because others are doing it. Katt Williams jokes about haters and has our society believing that if you don't have haters, then you're not doing anything with your life. #Lies. I'm doing a lot in my life, and don't think I have haters. There are people who might want what I have or dislike something that I say or do, but that's just it...its a dislike or a desire. I don't say I have haters when someone calls me out on something they feel, nor do I say it when someone disagrees with something I feel....I call it having out own opinions.

So the next time you put up picture online or talk about yourself and someone disagrees, ask yourself...."Is this them hating on me, or them sharing their opinions". Spike Lee shares his opinions on Tyler Perry movies and I agree. Is it hating? Maybe, maybe not. All about the angle you take on the matter. But end of the day....he is sharing his opinion with reasoning.

 If you dislike them for a VALID reason, it doesn't make you a "Hater", it makes you a person with a dislike.

Check Your Bag For A Map: The Back Pocket Listing

So there is a video online ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCoI-B9AYjs )...it talks about 42% of African American woman never being married. Now what am I going to talk about? Something I didn't see before, but I see and live it now. What is it? The part where they are talking about men having females in their back pocket and will check up on them now and again.

So when I first saw this video when it first came out, I was laughing at these women because they allowed guys to have them on the "back burner" like that. I was thinking that these females should have better choices in guys. Instead of going with guys that would have them in the back of their head and hit them up now and again randomly to "check up" on them, they would go with guys that really wanted to be with them. But being the older and wiser person that I am and now being the man that has females I periodically check up with, I realized how easy it is to become that man. I have attained many number just over the past two months alone. Do I really use these numbers? Not At All. Why? I have multiple reasons in my head, but don't know which one if any is true. What are they? Let me show you:

1. They are good women, but after the initial conversation, I saw that they and I were not meant for each other.
2. I was only after seeing if I could get the number or not.
3. I got bored with them or found better things.
4. I just like having options.

Now it doesn't matter the looks or the personality traits....some of these girls are sexy and look great. Others are average or ok and have great personality. But there was something about them all that made me not want to truly pursue them further and see where it would lead. There is a female I have been talking to for about a month and a half....we talk every single night on the phone and its a known fact that we will be talking every single day, even if its a short convo. But what separates her from the rest? I don't know honestly. I would give an answer, but I can't say I gave the other females a fair chance. But what is my point here? Not that I'm a player or a pimp, or some guy that can get numbers, I'm saying that as the older I get, the more I learn and although I'm not like every other guy, I have a lot of traits like the rest. So yeah...continue to give me your numbers, but don't think it means I will be calling you lol.

Update Post

Hey everyone...I know I haven't written in a while. I haven't lost things to talk about or been too busy, but I'm not in the writing mode as often. But I will be getting back into making a new post every other day for you guys. Things I been thinking about posting on? "Haters", Was going to talk about my love life right now, which I don't ever get into on here lol, Mother's Day, Guys playing video games, etc. I have tons running in my mind lol. No worries. I'm going into the office more lately, so I have less open slots of time to make posts. But I will be doing a couple today and tomorrow. :-)

Happy With Your Choices?: Is It Love?

I wanna love you and treat you right....I wanna love you every day and every night.......................Is this love - is this love - is this love -Is this love that I'm feelin'?

I can only imagine how many kids were being created to this Bob Marley song. I promised a friend of mine I would talk about love in a post, so.....here I am. But the question is...what do I have to really say about love? Currently I only love my family and close friends. Have I ever been in love though? Yeah. I've said the L word multiple times in my life, and thought I felt it, but honestly only think I've felt it two times in my entire life. First girl.....Nicole. The second....Antoinette. The potential.....Camille lol. Yes I said potential. I'll explain why in a bit.

Nicole...I met her in church in my sophomore yr of high school. I remember thinking in my head that she was beautiful and looked too good for me (I don't think about anyone that way anymore lol). We had a mutual associate and he introduced us randomly. I kept telling myself that it was no point meeting her since she would never want to talk to a guy like me. But after a church trip that changed our relationship....we moved to the "talking" phase. It started as us just wanting to "kick it" with each other, but it wasn't happening since I thought she lived further than she actually did. But after a year of on and off talking, I went to her house, was seduced, and she became my girl. November 2, 2004. Got engaged at the end of our senior yr of high school. Our plan was to get married after college. So what did we do? We went off to college away from one another. Talked less. Saw each other 1 time during the school year. And a string of actions cause me to not trust her and leave her...but because we still loved one another...the plan was to get back together after college and tell one another nothing about our experiences in college.

Antoinette....met her through a friend (well my friend's girlfriend at the time). First time I met her...I thought slim and not my type. But a very physical relationship started after that. It was summer time and when we really started dating and she wasn't girlfriend material. But because of convenience, we continued to mess around. What can I say though...we grew on each other. She fell in love with me and I would begin to include her in my life more and would stay with me in college. Somehow we kept our convenience. She lives 1.5 hrs away and school 30 minutes...but spent days on end together. This would be the second place we really lived together. The first being a friend's place in the summer. What happened after 2.5 yrs of living together and everyone expecting you to get married some day? Although her fam loved me, and mine loved her......she was open to me and my transition in life and me open to hers....but I wasn't happy with all our arguing. No faster way to drain me than to argue all the time with me. So after her doing things behind my back and making a last attempt to recover things....she ended up with a guy I didn't like and was a "friend" to her.

Camille...I met her doing community service in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. She went to my old college. We ended up liking one another and as I saw how smart she was and fun to be around...that only increased. We tried becoming more serious, but a lack of effort to see me made me leave. I need to see my girl and whenever I tried, she would be AWOL. Can't go months without seeing a girlfriend that lived 10 minutes at times and 30 minutes during school breaks. Ended before love could arrive, but it could have happened.

So where is the love now? Nicole, after dating other guys became a guy hater and we ended up never talking again (I'm serious when I tell girls if you don't respond to me, then I will cut you off). Antoinette is happy with her boyfriend and I am happy for her. We both moved on well and talk now and again. When they started dating she told me that she wants to have fun and be with him....then maybe we could be together in the future....but I don't go with females that once let me go. Camille...we talk here and there. I feel as if no matter what happens in our lives, I will somehow end up with her. She means a lot to me and I mean a lot to her. Will I love again? Yeah, sure. Why not. No point in being unhappy. Those 3 relationships were great relationships to me. Great Relationships. Problems and all.

I won't wait around and let it come...I'm the guy, I have to go find the girl, BUT....the love shall find me. One song I would sing often though when I was down about a girl.......

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love.

From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, girl,

My heart says follow t'rough.

But I know, now, that I'm way down on your line,

But the waitin' feel is fine:

So don't treat me like a puppet on a string,

'Cause I know I have to do my thing.

Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb;

I wanna know when you're gonna come - soon.

  ~Bob Marley, Waiting In Vain