Happy With Your Choices?: Is It Love?

I wanna love you and treat you right....I wanna love you every day and every night.......................Is this love - is this love - is this love -Is this love that I'm feelin'?

I can only imagine how many kids were being created to this Bob Marley song. I promised a friend of mine I would talk about love in a post, so.....here I am. But the question is...what do I have to really say about love? Currently I only love my family and close friends. Have I ever been in love though? Yeah. I've said the L word multiple times in my life, and thought I felt it, but honestly only think I've felt it two times in my entire life. First girl.....Nicole. The second....Antoinette. The potential.....Camille lol. Yes I said potential. I'll explain why in a bit.

Nicole...I met her in church in my sophomore yr of high school. I remember thinking in my head that she was beautiful and looked too good for me (I don't think about anyone that way anymore lol). We had a mutual associate and he introduced us randomly. I kept telling myself that it was no point meeting her since she would never want to talk to a guy like me. But after a church trip that changed our relationship....we moved to the "talking" phase. It started as us just wanting to "kick it" with each other, but it wasn't happening since I thought she lived further than she actually did. But after a year of on and off talking, I went to her house, was seduced, and she became my girl. November 2, 2004. Got engaged at the end of our senior yr of high school. Our plan was to get married after college. So what did we do? We went off to college away from one another. Talked less. Saw each other 1 time during the school year. And a string of actions cause me to not trust her and leave her...but because we still loved one another...the plan was to get back together after college and tell one another nothing about our experiences in college.

Antoinette....met her through a friend (well my friend's girlfriend at the time). First time I met her...I thought slim and not my type. But a very physical relationship started after that. It was summer time and when we really started dating and she wasn't girlfriend material. But because of convenience, we continued to mess around. What can I say though...we grew on each other. She fell in love with me and I would begin to include her in my life more and would stay with me in college. Somehow we kept our convenience. She lives 1.5 hrs away and school 30 minutes...but spent days on end together. This would be the second place we really lived together. The first being a friend's place in the summer. What happened after 2.5 yrs of living together and everyone expecting you to get married some day? Although her fam loved me, and mine loved her......she was open to me and my transition in life and me open to hers....but I wasn't happy with all our arguing. No faster way to drain me than to argue all the time with me. So after her doing things behind my back and making a last attempt to recover things....she ended up with a guy I didn't like and was a "friend" to her.

Camille...I met her doing community service in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. She went to my old college. We ended up liking one another and as I saw how smart she was and fun to be around...that only increased. We tried becoming more serious, but a lack of effort to see me made me leave. I need to see my girl and whenever I tried, she would be AWOL. Can't go months without seeing a girlfriend that lived 10 minutes at times and 30 minutes during school breaks. Ended before love could arrive, but it could have happened.

So where is the love now? Nicole, after dating other guys became a guy hater and we ended up never talking again (I'm serious when I tell girls if you don't respond to me, then I will cut you off). Antoinette is happy with her boyfriend and I am happy for her. We both moved on well and talk now and again. When they started dating she told me that she wants to have fun and be with him....then maybe we could be together in the future....but I don't go with females that once let me go. Camille...we talk here and there. I feel as if no matter what happens in our lives, I will somehow end up with her. She means a lot to me and I mean a lot to her. Will I love again? Yeah, sure. Why not. No point in being unhappy. Those 3 relationships were great relationships to me. Great Relationships. Problems and all.

I won't wait around and let it come...I'm the guy, I have to go find the girl, BUT....the love shall find me. One song I would sing often though when I was down about a girl.......

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love.

From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, girl,

My heart says follow t'rough.

But I know, now, that I'm way down on your line,

But the waitin' feel is fine:

So don't treat me like a puppet on a string,

'Cause I know I have to do my thing.

Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb;

I wanna know when you're gonna come - soon.

  ~Bob Marley, Waiting In Vain

Wonder What Your Maze Is Like: We All Have Preferences

So lately I have been bothered constantly about me preferences when it comes to the females I will and will not date. The main concern of late....? Me not wanting to date single mothers and only going for females that are doing something with their lives. So hmmm....this is a bit idiotic since I spoke on single mothers and why I wouldn't date them (Here!) and its a reasonable decision. And what is wrong with me wanting someone working on a future?

Because I spoke on why I don't want a single mother already in that post, I won't go down that line again. But what I am saying now is that Its A Preference. Females say all the time "I don't want a guy with no job, no car, not educated, doesn't have his own crib, and blah blah blah". But then those same females end up with drama in their life...why? Because they check off the basic values but not the things that can be possible issues or drama. And a female with a child can be just that. And I'm not trying to deal with it. Its funny though when these single mothers attack me on facebook or twitter. It's not like I said they should die or something...just that I don't want them lol. A females says she likes dark skin guys, I'm happy. A female says she likes light skin guys, I'm indifferent. I can't be upset that they have a preference I don't belong to. That's idiotic.

Today a friend of mine got on me about my expectations being too high. What was my want in a girl I'm dating...that she is working towards her future. I didn't say in her field working....college degree....or even a 5 year plan. I just said someone working towards their future. What's the issue with that? She said because of my age, 23, that is too much to ask of someone. But I don't get that. You should start working from a young age on those things. Not wait around and hope things come to you. The older you are, the less time you have to accomplish what you want. So if you tell me because of that my hopes are too high for a female.....then damn....I should have been thinking like that for a longer time.

One consistent thing i did see though...its usually the people that belong to the groups I don't want that get upset. Bad for them though. That's life. If I don't want your group......then I dont want you're group.

We All Have Preferences, Don't Like Mine.....Too Bad. But If You're Happy I Choose Your Group Over Another....Don't Be Angry If I Choose Their Group Over Yours.

No Solution? Well Who's Fault?: Female Complaints On Dating

I have been lucky enough to meet females from all walks of life and dated women from lawyers to girls that worked in sneaker stores.....that's if they even had a job. And currently speaking to someone unlike anyone I have ever dated before and the thought of it is striking to us both. But what am I here to say? I've dated around and feel as if I know a thing or two about the dating scene. So there are a few things about dating I feel I should talk about in this post. Let jump right into it....

"Guys don't want to work and pursue a female anymore."

Maybe the reason for this is because in today's age....a guy can have all the good things that come from getting a female.....but do half the work (sometimes even less that than) that he would have to years ago. Sex is 1000% easier to get. I can call a female up and ask her to cook for me (which I have done). I can ask females to clean my place (which I have done). And a lot of the females in my generation (from what I have seen myself, heard from friends, and see online) aren't even worth the "work" to be put in for them. Or maybe that's because I have high standards. Nevertheless...I admit guys put in less work than in the past, but that is because things also take less work. Want a guy to work harder? Make him.

"Guys don't want to take us out on dates anymore...they just want to go hang out or sit around in a crib."

Quick solution....tell a guy to take you out on a date if he wants to go further. If you allow a guy to not take you out or just have sex with him and then wonder why you guys never go out....who fault is that? Be smart about what you do and allow.

"Chivalry is dead."

First off.....are you traditional? If you're not...then sit down and read a book or something. We don't care what you think. That's like a robber calling a thief a criminal....when you're both criminals. Is it dead? No. Is your choice of guys off? Maybe. Are you putting yourself around guys that don't care about that stuff (whether friend or lover)?? Maybe. What's the solution?.......choose the people you're around better. Many of the guys I am around are chivalrous.

"I can't find a good man."

Are you looking in the right places? Are you looking at all? Are you open to different things? What kind of image or attitude are you giving off? Are you sitting at home and waiting for a random phone call? What do you consider a "good man"? If for any of these questions you got upset, used any curse word to answer, answered out loud lol, or got a bit excited while talking in your head......then yeah...... it might just be you.

"Guys only go for the girls that are hoes."

 Honestly, just worry about your own. If you stop and keep thinking about why the next female is getting guys and not you...you could possible end up doing something that isn't you and ends up looking unattractive. If her trick is putting herself out there as open for sex with guys....then she isn't going to find love so easily in the end (can't turn a hoe into a housewife, but many have tried). So keep being you and hopefully things work out.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. 

~Bill Maher

You're Heading In The Wrong Direction: You Have Me Confused

So right now I have been in New York on my vacation (Back Home, Yes!!!!). So excuse my short absence. But what is on my mind right now? The Theory of Going Dutch.

So while I'm in NY, my thing is seeing old friends and spending time with people I haven't seen in a while. One fact about me though, is that most of my friends are females. Why? I like being around females and they always have fun with me, so they love my company also. The problem I have been having lately though is that they want to go out to dinner ,which I don't like doing with girls I am not dating/messing with/talking to, and then on top of that, have me pay for it. I don't get this at all. Why am I expected to pay for you if we are friends?? What responsibility do I have to you that that is a must? I don't expect anything from you, and you shouldn't from me. Its just time together.

So these are things I've heard lately:

"You're cheap" <~Mostly used

"The guys I go out with always pay"

 "What kind of guy are you? Real men always pay"

 Plus other crap that's too long, but try to demean me. Now my question is to all these female friends of mine......what the hell is wrong with you??

1, I'm not your man. Not trying to be. And want nothing from you but your time.....so why am I paying for your time when you're not paying for mine?
2, We friends. Since when do friends ask friends for anything like that??
3, I don't expect sex or anything from you....so why are you expecting something from me?
4, If I'm cheap because I won't pay for you.....what does that make you if you can't pay for you?

But the funny thing is that these are females I have known and been close with for years and they have never asked these things of me. Hmmmmm wonder why now? Sad when people change for the negative. But looks like I wont be hanging out with them. Screw that. I refuse to pay. What do I look like paying to chill with every friend I have? Who is going to help me when I have bills? Not them. So guess we will keep our relationship to ONLY messengers and texts.

So Ladies, if we are not on an official date, don't expect me to pay. Especially when you ask me out or we are only friends. And if I tell you its going to be dutch....don't be mad....come out your pocket also.

Did You Just Trip?: Funny How Things Work Out

So I was watching Youtube videos and googling. What about? Well nothing other than algorithms lol. But thinking about going through hell with some of my past interviews, I thought of where I am and how I wouldn't be here without certain things happening. So what are they?

1. Meeting my last girlfriend and breaking up with her right on time.
2. Teaching at my last college and it helping me stand out.

So lets go into the first shall we. My last relationship was actually a long distance one. She lived in Atlanta, GA while I lived in Albany, NY at the time. We started dating the Very month the girlfriend before her and I had ended things for good. Nevertheless, after a while of dating I decided that if things continued to be great, I would move to Atlanta in order to be with her. Why such a crazy decision you might ask? Well my logic was:

Whether I stay in NY or move to Atlanta, I am starting my career. And wherever I start working, I will only work there for a couple years anyways before moving on. So it doesn't matter where I live.

So two scenarios could happen. If I didn't find a job...finish my degree...work my internship and save up over the summer...then move there when done and continue job hunting. If I found a job....finish my degree then move there. So for 8 months I searched and found many jobs, with many interviews, BUT No Offers!! Finished my degree...and while working my internship and being broke still (because of trips to be with her and bills)...I decided to move there after I find a job (which is smarter, but I was blinded by wanting to be with her already). So while continuing my job search for Atlanta and taking a trip down there to see her and do an interview, I found out she had been talking to other guys for over a month. So I broke up with her and restricted my job search for NY. In doing so, I came up with many offers, including one from the company I work for now. Right On Time!!! They just opened an office and looking to fill it up.

Next would be my teaching experience. After passing a class and teaching it the very next semester, I received an email about teachers wanted to teach COBOL (Google it). I accepted even though it was a class that I never took and didn't know the material. How do I do such a thing? Get a book and learn it fast enough to leap frog the class and teach it. My college had a job fair. In that job fair was a company in my field that liked that I knew COBOL. Then ended up calling me in for an interview and hiring me as their intern. I then interned there for two years in which I learned the things that attracted my current company to me.

 

Who would have known finding out your girlfriend was messing around on you and that putting yourself into a situation you shouldn't have been in would have had such a great outcome

Am I To Blame For You Not Finishing?: The Cops

There are tons of videos out about what the police do to "Innocent Black People" and how much force they use. Now coming from a low income community and my own past....I hated the cops. Hate is a strong word, but that's how I felt. I have seen so many things the cops would do to people just hanging out, guys just walking by and a number of situations where cops used their Power to instill fear in the community. I've been pulled over in white neighborhoods and questioned for no reason about why I was there. I have been stopped by police for walking with other guys at night time. I've been told to leave parks and benches while doing nothing but hanging out. Even yelled at by cops for being kids and playing around with one another. They arrested my friends and associates. Sent people I grew up with to jail. And then there are the 101 NYPD stories that come out all the time.

But in high school.....I ended up working/playing sports for/and spending all my time at a PAL. How did this start? A friend of mine told me about a football team I could join with him, and I was open to it. Then next thing you know I'm spending all my free time there after school and on weekends. I didn't know that PAL stood for Police Athletic League....or that there were more of them. I just thought it was PAL and that was it lol. Never cared about what the name meant. So when the guys working there told me they were cops and cops started coming in more and more.....I was shocked.....but open/accepting of it all. The guys were cool, the place was cool, and they taught me a lot. So did I stop hating cops? No. Of course not lol. They knew my dislike. I never hid it or kept it from them. We just worked around it since I was a civil person. But as time went on in my life....I didn't grow to love cops...I was just thankful for what they did and that hate turned into admiration.

So why am I writing this blog? Because of the nonstop people and videos that come out where cops are harassing people or using excessive force. First of all....those people the cops sent to jail from my neighborhood...they were drug dealers and killers. When the cops stopped me walking with those guys at night....we were out looking for the guys that beat up a friend of a friend of a friend (A guy was beat up. He called his friend for help. One of his friends was a friend of mine who called me up for help), so their suspicion was warranted. A lot of the things cops do are overboard, but sometimes what they do is logical and based on what you put out. And seeing these videos and hearing these stories of people feeling they have been done wrong by cops are getting old. Especially the Rodney King story (which people don't talk about the part that he had been drinking and speeding). Yes....a beat down was too much. But why is there no video of what happened beforehand? Was he resisting arrest? Did he hit a cop? I want the full story.

I'm just tired of seeing people call out abuse....when they started things or could have easily, done what they asked and moved on. Cop asks for ID....give it to him and move on afterward. Cops stop you for something....why start to curse them out and make a scene? See cops walking...what's the point of doing something to them to cause negative attention to yourself? You see them doing something...what's the point of joining the situation and adding more hostility to it? Why hit or resist a cop? In my opinion...if you hit, fight, or resist arrest...you deserve what you get. They have a lot to face, and you making their day harder helps nothing. Don't get me wrong....cops do a lot that is too far or they just wanted to show their power...but as a society...we are giving them that power. Have a problem with it? Fight back legally.

Violence only creates more Violence. Anger only creates more Anger. So when the biggest gang comes down on you...fighting them will only mean you lose. Even if you win a battle, you will never win the war. Look at the death of Tupac.....over 10 years later, do we have anything on the killers as yet? But he won and lost many battles. Looks like we know who won that war.

How Many Steps To Go Back?: The Count

Had a conversation the other day with multiple people on this. Some on the phone or Facebook chat, others on Twitter. What is the topic? A female's count. The number of partners she has had....that's if she can even remember or count them all.

Why is this even a topic? Because to an extent it does matter. Why? Because it can tell you a lot about someone. Now there are a couple kinds of females for this topic. Lets discuss them and why this even matters at all.

1. The female that is willing to tell and she is telling the truth.
1. Maybe she is proud of her count
2. Maybe she doesn't care what you think about her
3. Maybe she just wants to be honest and up front with you.
2. The female that will not tell you her count.
1. Maybe she is ashamed of her number.
2. Maybe telling her number has led to problems before.
3. Maybe she honestly feels its something private and none of your business.
3. The female that lies about her number.
1. Probably ashamed of her number and afraid of what you will think.
2. Maybe feels it is very private....but then again why lie? Why not just not tell a number.
3. She's a liar and a waste of time.

Now why does this even matter you may ask? A number can say a lot. But to cut some reading time for you and writing time for me...lets bullet the more important aspects.

• Shows her moral code or personal standards.
• Shows how much she can control herself or hold back from temptation.
• Tells whether she ever had a wild side before you.
• How close she feels with you to tell you (if its something meaningful to her).
• How many guys around can just say they had her (no one wants someone everyone had).
• How sexual a being she is.
• And most importantly, was/is she a hoe (can't turn a hoe into a housewife).

All things are important in that list. Some more than others. And yes people change. I am not saying judge who people are now by how many guys she's been with. I'm saying don't exclude that kind of input into who she is as a person. Do I go and ask every female I'm courting about her count?? No. Especially not if she is older than me lol. Why do I ask some and not the other? Well if she's are younger than me....its based on how she carries herself. We can date and I will never ask you. Why? Because you truly carry yourself like a lady or I don't care because I don't expect us to go anywhere but the bedroom. If she's older than me....I won't ask no matter what lol. She is older and probably has some miles on her. Meaning....if I know the number and its HUGE.....it will only be something that pops up in my head lol.

Nevertheless, as I get older...I am more open and accepting to larger number. At 20 I was shocked when the girl I was dating said 4 or 5 at 18. Last year I was shocked when a girl I was dating said 9 at 19. My fiance in high school....I don't remember asking her a number because of how she carried herself. Girls I have been talking to of late.....I haven't ask. Either because I didn't expect anything real from them, they were older, or because of how they carried themselves.

The moral here:

A female's number isn't the most important aspect of her, but it can say something about her.....No matter what age. But sometimes.....a catch is too good a catch to look for things to go wrong.

 And Yes....I Do Watch My Own Count And Make Sure It Never Goes Crazy. You Can Say A Lot About A Guy's Count Also.......But I Don't Care About A Guy's Count.

Getting Tired Or Quitting?: Am I Becoming Lazy?

I recently read A Blog Post and one thing that stood out to me was:

"Let’s get back to my revelation. I was telling my friend about this girl I ‘really liked’ but I didn’t think it was going to work out because I was tired of chasing her. My friend asked me to explain what I did before giving up. I told her that I called once or twice and sent one or two text messages. There was a brief silence – and I’ll spare you the profanity laced details – but basically, she cursed me out and in so many words called me a lazy bastard. I couldn’t get upset because she was right."

This sounds EXACTLY like me lol. I will openly admit that I have become lazy and the actions on my part have definitely been liquidated lol. These are the responses I get when I explain it to people also. But honestly, its not only me that have stopped trying to get with women as hard as we use to. It's all guys. We try less...why?? Because females allow it. Men will not do a thing that women verbally disagree with and have the actions to back it up as a whole. Why? Because we want you guys lol. If all women hated drug dealers and showed it with their actions, no guys would be drug dealers. But the truth is in the pudding.

In high school...when a female gave me her number...I would call her days later. Plain and simple. No texting first. No online messages somewhere. I would wait for a good time in the evening, and call her up. Only person I really ever text was my girlfriend at the time. Everyone else got a phone call. It was the ages of text messages costing money and phone minutes being a valuable, but limited resource. After years upon years of being in relationships, I was informed many times over that I was now suppose to text a girl that gave me her number. She'll prob ask for my Facebook or Skype, then if she has those, she might request my Twitter name. All while texting or speaking on an instant messenger of course.

She is more open to calling me first and often. She is more open to making the first move in public. She'll even tell me how much she likes me first and be the aggressor. So while I like when females are more open and willing to put their hand in the fire and try to see what happens....its also making men lazier. Why put in tons upon tons of work when I know the girls down the blog just need me to smile at them and give a wave? Stuck in the world where men do everything and put in 90% of the work?? Too Damn Bad! That just means you're going to be waiting a whole lot longer than anyone else and who knows if you will even find someone. I tell females all the time, don't sit around at home waiting for Mr. Right. Sometimes you have to make that first move.

Is this my laziness talking? Maybe. Am I right? Probably. Have I gotten lazier as time goes on?? Hells Yes lol. I'm a wanted commodity. I'm good looking, charming, funny, well educated, and a lot of other things. So I worry not about finding females. So yeah.....I'm lazier.....but don't judge me lol.

So as I sit around and keep a nice roster.....don't blame me if you're lonely. Your actions speak volumes.

Beware Of The Traps: My Biggest Fear

So I had a conversation with a young lady last night and a topic came up. It was a reminder of something that scared the BeJesus out of me. What is it you may ask?? Well its my only fear in the world. The fear of having a child before I'm ready. *Insert Loud Screaming and Shiver*.

So as you may know by now, I'm 23. And living life alone in Michigan. I'm care free, no responsibilities, no stress, no one to take care of, no one to answer to or worry about. I LOVE my life. I do as I please whenever I want. BUT all of that can end if I was to have a child. Would my life end? No, but it would feel like it. I have so much planned and coming up that it would alter where I'm going in life. There are many things about my life that I have constructed set up in a way that creates an environment of extreme comfort. If a kid popped up in my life, that means I would have to alter my life and think of.......Someone Else!!!!! Scary??? Hells Yes.

I'm not mentally nor financially ready for a child. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't want to do it. I refuse to do it lol. So lets break this down a bit more so its not just some rant. Lets start with the fear itself and what would make it even worse....

1. A baby with a random female. Random meaning someone I didn't plan on marrying and been dating forever lol.
2. A baby with a female that was just trying to trap me. How would I know? After a while my eyes would open up and spot it. Especially if she would rather me pay child support than be with her and the child.

Getting even scarier huh?? Well that is what happens all the time in today's society. No matter the race or social class. It happens. But what I wonder about is how can people in poverty go and have kids? I don't get this at all. If you're living horribly, why would you want to bring in a baby?? Yes, I come from poverty, but I was also lived on a farm when I came into this world. We moved to America thinking things would be our benefit. Now I'm not saying get an abortion or kill a child, but what I am saying is that you should be taking EXTRA Extra precautions lol. Some females want babies but living in the hood. Try to get pregnant to make themselves happy or feel like they have something in their life. Now this is guys also, but its a females body nonetheless. If she didn't want it at the end of the day, she could refuse or take birth control behind a guy's back.

But that leads me to the next issue. These females going around believing guys when they say he wants her to have his baby....but then he won't give her a ring or marry her. That makes no real sense to me. Why? Because if a Man is really ready to have a baby with a Woman and create a life long bond with her....then what's stopping them from just getting married? Chances are he was just talking out his ass and just wanted the sex, he thought it would keep you around, but didn't really want the kid/think it would happen, or he just plain and simple wanted a child, but not you. Either decision or reason here....he's not the guy to go with and having a baby with him is stupid. So don't go on Maury and complain about him saying he wanted the baby, and he is now denying the baby. Be mad at yourself.

Guess that leads us to my last point. The act of sex is great. Love it. The idea of not having sex unless you want to make a baby.....realistic but not really realistic in today's society. Sex is more of a casual and pleasure thing. BUT I will be damned if I get a call from a female saying she is pregnant. I refuse to have a child out of wedlock. When I was younger, I made a lot of mistakes and stupid decisions, that could have resulted in such happening. But Thank God none of it did actually happen. And so I would like to keep my streak going. Having a baby is an important thing, and I think it should be kept for married couples only. When will I be married? Who knows. But I refuse to have to call my parents and say I'm having a baby and there is no ring on my finger. Never. Not I. I don't go and judge the people that have done it...as a matter of fact, most of the people I know with kids are not married. And statistics show that 80% of teenage pregnancy never ends with a marriage.

So ladies, before you go out and sleep around, slip up with the guy you been with, or fall stupid for a guy saying he wants to be your "Baby Daddy".......think about where you're going. I know for a fact a baby is not in my near future.....or at least I'm praying for it to no be like that.

Not Mine, Not Now

Make Smart Decisions: Who's Right If Anything?

So...minutes ago...I had a debate with someone. They work in retail and randomly popped up and said they don't understand why people that have wealth are so cheap...and the ironic thing is that earlier today I watched a documentary talking about the wealthiest 1% of America. Also ironic because of my last post. So what did we debate over? The concept of spending money repeatedly compared to large expenses.

Now she admit that poor people spend more than rich people....but can you stop and see the problem with that right there?? Poor People........Spend More..........than Rich People. She pointed out that spending $200 on sneakers every two weeks when you get a pay check is alright and better than spending $1,000 on a HDTV, which is equivalent to her 5 paycheck periods. But there are other factors involved here.

1. That HDTV will last me for years.
2. The more sneakers you buy, the less you wear them overall....making it kind of pointless.
3. I can go and sell my TV for a good amount of money....you'll only throw out your sneakers or be forced to donate them.
4. If you have a personality to go and just spend money....chances are its more than just sneakers you're going out to buy. You need the clothes to go with those sneakers. Things to take care of them. And the money to go out places and have fun.
5. We can go back to my last post....and when you see me buying something new and expensive....you're going to look on and be jealous of the money I have....when it could have been equal to all the money you spent.

So what is the problem here??  Its plain and simple. The more you go out and spend.....the less money you will end up having. The less money you have.....the less things you can go out and have. Its not a hard concept lol. I was talking to a friend of mine and we agreed on something....we worked at an amusement park together and each brought home about $600 every two weeks. Problem is that neither one of us have anything to show for it. Why? Because we went and spent it all on stupid things that we can't even remember or have now. This is the problem with so many. But never would you see me arguing that saving your money is the bad way to go.

Do I think people are different and can spend their money as they choose? Yes. Do I think some things are stupid to always buy? Hell yes. That same friend that I worked with....he said I was never the type to buy clothing. I was the guy to buy electronics. Which is completely true. But then when I would buy my electronics and come around....people were jealous or looked at me funny. Funny thing is....they would go and spend more than I would on clothes and shoes in a month, than I paid for whatever I had cost me.

Moral Of The Story......Spend All Your Money....You'll End Up Poor And Without......Then Having Nothing To Show For It.

How Much Is This Maze Worth?: Judging Others

So one thing I have been dealing with since I was a bit younger, and more so now....being judged for what I buy and talk about. What is the issue exactly? When I talk about the things I want to buy or the things I plan on buying....I get judged. I rarely ever talk about money or how much the things I want cost....but still judged. Funny thing is....its not often I talk about something new that I plan on getting. The only thing I have spoken about multiple times is a car. And why? Because not having a car in a town where the bus system sucks and things are HARD when you don't have a car. So....it pops up in your head a lot when you have to wait 40 minutes in the cold at night for a bus that never comes. Or the fact that when school is out for a break, the buses only run every hour or 40 minutes.

But what have I talked about buying or that I plan to buy? Furniture (when I moved to Michigan I had NONE at all), a new HDTV (only having one in the living room sucks when you want to relax in your bedroom), a town home (not a big house or anything, just a town home), a car (where people judge you if you don't have one here).

What is my issue? People talk all the time about the things they plan on buying or are actually buying. I see people talk about new electronics, expensive sneakers, name brand clothing, cars, jewelry, stuff for their appearance, etc. Now do I have a problem with them getting this stuff or talking about it?? Hell no. I don't care one bit. Most of these things I don't care for at all and you will never hear me talk about them. Never will you hear me say I'm going to pay $200 for a pair of Jordans....or that I have to go get the new LV (I don't know how to spell Louie Vottan*** because I never cared/had to) jeans that just came out. Nor will you hear me having a conversation about black diamonds and how I'll look going to the club. Those things are just not who I am.

You can argue and say its the price difference of the materials we are buying...but if those people that judge me or have something to say saved their money instead of buying those Jordans, maybe they could get that HDTV. If those people worked as hard and as much as I do, then maybe they could afford that new car. Before I left to Michigan, a guy that is like a brother to me went and did something that I found out a gentleman on Twitter that I speak to did......they both were able to buy their first house at 23. A friend of mine from middle school that I still talk to....has a sexy brand new car that he bought himself. Am I jealous? No. I'm happy for them. Why wouldn't I be?

So why are people coming at me when I say I'm buying a car? Maybe.....just maybe...instead of judging me or being upset....they need to just work harder in life to achieve what others have. I know multiple people that have nothing BUT work to achieve nothing....but get mad at me.....but then there are those that have nothing...but working to achieve things that are happy for me.

 

 Before you think about the next person and what they have....ask yourself what are you bringing to the table.

What Is A Maze Without Traps: False Conclusions

Throughout my time on this planet....people have built an image of me....is it false? Yes, No, and Sorta. You ask if I'm being fake? Yes, No, and Sorta. Not really helping am I? Well there is a lot that goes into it. Like I stated before, my mind is an extremely complex place. So what is the truth here?? People pick and choose what they want to see in a person and I have multiple sides and aspects to me.

On twitter....most of the time I am getting on females for their stupid decisions and what they do wrong but then have the audacity to complain about....how do people take this? I'm this great guy that is giving out advice because I care so much about females. The real truth? Its annoying seeing all these complaints on my TL when its coming from females doing stupidness anyways. So partially its me laughing at them, part me hoping they stop and think about their actions, and mostly just letting out my annoyance with them.

I try to help people with their problems...some people take this as I care about them...when honestly I don't. There is a big difference being a caring person and caring about someone. I was raised to be a caring person and care for others and their situations (if they didn't put themselves in that position). Do I really care if you live or die tomorrow? Chances are no. I'll say R.I.P. and say "Damn".....but then I will be carrying on with my day. Some people will look at that and say I'm cold, but....its what we all honestly do most times.

I'm at a good point in my life so I'm supposed to want money and riches....I could honestly care less. I just want recognition for what I have done and to know I don't have to worry about money problems. My facebook status right now says I rather be in a dark and empty basement than have a mansion....but would buy the mansion to say I have one. Its the truth. I don't care about expensive things...what I do like though is the fact that I am capable of having it if I wanted to. I honestly don't care about a lot of things. Which leads to our next delusion...

The ONLY reason I socialize and interact with people....its expected of me and what I am supposed to do. 99% of my time....I'm alone (I am around females the rest of the time or my boys when in NY). I rather it that way. I don't like small talk in public. Not a fan of communication with coworkers. Never liked being in large groups of people. Rather be alone in the dark with a video game in hand. Can I do those things? Am I capable of being social and going out? Do I like speaking to the small group of people I call friends and family? Yes to all....but that doesn't mean its a preference. My family knows me...I don't like calling them. I love them to death....but not a fan of it. I speak to my mother about once every two or three weeks...and its her calling me. We talk for a couple minutes and say good bye. My friends...I will text them now and again. Usually the same people though. I don't like talking to too many people as I feel I am bothering them.

And the list of misconceptions go on for days....but that is what they are. Misconceptions. I have 101 sides to me. 101 different ways and views. 101 aspects that all contradict.

I Will Forever Contradict Myself, But Never Will I Be A Hypocrite ~Jason A. Johnson

How Hard Are You Working On This Maze: My Employment

I held a lot of different jobs with different pay. Where to start? Well how about my first job? My first couple jobs weren't paying jobs and nor were they jobs in which I was technically an employee. I guess you can say I volunteered my time. But of course...I started early (10-12 range) lol. Its a Jamaican thing I guess. We are all speculated to have multiple jobs and start young.

I started helping counselors with kids and had a blast. At that age, kids were respectful. They were just about having fun. But then again...I was a kid also. After doing that for years on and off....I was able to finally work in NY state because I turn 14. What did I do first? I landed a position at a Police Athletic League (PAL), where I was already in their sports program. What did I do? Sports lol. Coaching, reffing, being an assistant at times, then I would be a counselor there for the fun of it. I was known there and in everything. Felt like I ran that place. But when it stopped being fun...I left. Especially since it was hitting my grades hard. Sometimes I would go to school...run there right after...then not leave until 11 or 12 at night...then go home...and there's no homework being done. Only was a counselor twice after this though and was even a janitor for a while at this same PAL.

So what did I do next? A friend of mine helped me get a job at Rye Playland. It was more a summer job than anything...but it definitely helped things. I felt like a baller. Bringing in $600+ every 2 weeks. I was 17 working 1130am till 12am or 1am at night for 5 or 6 days a week. Against the law, but no one was there keeping track. So I was just thinking about the money. Was there a downside? Yeah...its called cleaning bathrooms and having to stay in them all day. What would we do? Sit in the bathroom in that little special room with the cleaning tools. Clean toilets and floors then sleep the rest of the time. But nothing like cleaning up the next person's feces or vomit. Gotta remember...its the hot summer at an amusement park. Not a fun job, but I stayed for two years and worked during the school year also. The only job I have ever quit. I had to though. My manager and I was going to end up fighting if I didn't.

Next came the go karts at New Roc City. We would be there riding the cars when bored. Doing 180s on the track (almost tried it one time in a real car after work, had to slap myself and remember I was on the actual road). And the biggest fun of all.....bagging numbers from girls lol. I've never had so many numbers in my life. Funny thing was that most of the time....I didn't have a phone myself. I would sometimes use my coworkers phones to get the number. We would stop ENTIRE races to go flirt with a female. The races that were done, we would slow down a girl's car and go flirt or just drop your phone in and she knew what it meant. Would have her laughing while buckling her belt before the ride and get her number on the way out. Get her number while she in the line. The list of ways was endless. I always had the most numbers even though some of the other guys looked better. They were confused to how easy it was for me lol. But all those times talking to girls...the camera would spot me or other customers would complain. I guess that's why they didn't bring me back for a second year even though I was up for a manager position earlier that I had to turn down for school.

Last two really taught me a lot. A cook in a kitchen for Ruby Tuesdays and a programming internship with Computer Sciences Corporation. Being a cook....I learned how to be a better cook in real life lol. Most stressful job ever though. I would have nightmares. Most orders you had to push them out within 5 minutes. Why only 5 minutes when you wait so long? Well chances are the main part of the meal will take a while to get up on the board, start cooking, then X amount of time for it to be ready...and then it has to go out the same time as the thing that took 5 minutes. Was happy to say I could make everything on the menu. A lot of times I would be the only cook in the entire restaurant. How did this work?? Running my butt off and keeping track of everything in my head lol. I worked my way up fast with raise after raise and promotion after promotion. I felt bad at times though. I know that others were there longer...guess I just stood out more...I was the only black cook lol. Then with that programming internship...I never mad so much money in my life. Its then I realized that I had a big future and wouldn't want to mess things up. First office experience and first time dressing up for work. BUT hated the job because I wasn't doing enough.


So Yeah...A Lot Of Jobs Left Out...But Hopefully You Can Better See My Transition. And Hard Work Always Beats Talent That's Not Used Properly.

Back To Square One?: I'm A Bit Scared

So yesterday....after a dentist appointment I went into a Dodge car dealership. Why?? I plan on buying a Dodge Challenger this coming Summer. This will be my second car. Where is my first you asked? Car accident totaled it. My first and only real car accident actually. I remember driving after it....for a long time I was still scared. Your nerves act up on your and you try to be extra careful. But the problem with being extra careful is that you're also setting yourself up for an accident (which I feel is sometimes the issue with female drivers). Instead of continuing when the light turns yellow and you're at the crosswalk doing 30...you try your best to stop and then what happens? You get rear ended and its your fault instead of continuing through the light. That's not what happened to me after the accident, but it was situations that came up where I made stupid mistakes because I was scared. 

In my car accident, I was making a right turn on red, which is legal where I was. The lanes where clear and after a couple seconds of going and speeding up...I was rear ended by someone speeding. I thought it was a dream, but realized it wasn't since....it was too realistic lol. I ended up on the other side of traffic (which is usually busy during rush hour, but for that time being it was empty, Thank God) and the force pushed me into the parking lot of a business (had to do some navigating of course to miss objects). So my issue for a while was being rear ended. My motorcycle...multiple times I almost died. From guys coming to a full stop on the highway, to a cab driver cutting in front of me while I was going too fast to stop. So what did I do? Well it was a single lane road......because the right hand side was numerous pillars and the left hand was the on coming traffic...I sped up....and split between an on coming car and the cab driver in front of me. Seriously inches for near death. Wait....just remembered I had an accident on that bike lol. Tried to look cool in front of some coworkers and ended up smashing into a wall on my right hide. I flew off that bike so quickly lol. Thank God the bike didn't continue and end up hitting me. Rode off and was pissed at the world lol.

What may you ask is my issue now though?? A part of me don't feel as if I'm supposed to have great things. Why? Because when I have great things....they tend to mess up somehow. Not my most important things....(ie..PS3, xbox, tv, laptops) but stuff where it cost more money. Maybe its because of the way I grew up...not having anything good or great really). But anyways...I feel as if I'm going to crash it or someone will hit me. I hope to God neither happens, but you never know.Wish me luck. Here are some pictures of the car I want (minus a special package I was going to have done separately, but sounds cheaper just to order it included).

You Want A Map To The Maze?: The Obama Dream

Barack Obama.....President of the United States of America....why was he voted President? Well there are many reasons from this. From....him being a Democrat, to him being black, to people believing in his views and opinions, and to the fact that he is a great speaker and sounds very articulate. But what's my point here?? Well we could talk about the little boy that came from a simple life to becoming a leader of a country and an idol. A man that has set new trends and changed lives just from him being able to run for president. We could talk about a man that is head of his family while running around the world to take care of business (but then again we are on the outside looking in). But what is this about?? Well you guys know I rather talk about something that hits home more than anything else. So this is about the females always saying they want a guy like Obama.

What is my issue with this exactly? Well there are two kinds of females that I have a problem with saying this...the rest are allowed to say whatever they feel like lol. 

1. The females that say she wants a Man like Obama, then goes for guys like Daquan down the block.
2. The females that say she wants a Man like Obama, but have nothing to offer a man like that.

Now the first is the female that I have partially mentioned before. She's the one that say she wants a Mr. Right, but actually goes for Mr. Quick Fix (not even Mr. Right Now because even he's too good. She just needs someone to be with). She can talk about ALLLLLLLL she wants in life and what kind of guy she thinks is perfect.....wants to marry.....want to spend the rest of her life with.......but who is she dating? The guy that beats her. The guy that cheats on her. The guy that lies and disrespects her. Now yes....we all lie sooner or later (male n female), but she's going for the compulsive liar.

The second female....she's can be categorized in many ways. She could be the hoodrat that's having sex with the DJ for him to play her jam throughout the night. She could the average female with nothing going for herself...just a part time job with no realistic goals. Or the ones with a good career and thinks she's running the world, but then again her personality and traits horrible. And finally the female that looks beautiful but thinks it being the only thing going for her can get any man. All of these females ask for a Man like Obama that has a great personality and honorable in many ways (from the outside looking in). So what makes her even think she can be with him? It goes to my theory of dating lol.

In my mind, it is a fact that Females always want to date up...but Men are good with dating down. What do I mean?? Am I saying he is a better person?? Blah blah blah?? lol. My point is based on position in life and what that person can offer. Females...even if they don't have what they want in the man....will still request it. Can't count the times I have seen females ask for a guy with a job....but don't have one. A car....but taking the bus. Own apartment....but lives with parents. And so on and so forth. Men...we care less about the material stuff and the "what can she do for me" stuff and more about the female. Yes, it can be solely on looks at times, but that's sometimes. Guys will in a way....."settle".

But why do these females dream and dream about a Man like Obama? Because real Men with such success in life don't want females like these.

So ladies, before you go around lying to yourselves and saying you want Obama, but really want Tayshawn....or just another hood chic on the block......be honest with yourself and those around you.