Do You Know How Long You Been Trapped?: I Dont Want To Know

I spoke to a friend of mine yesterday about the epic question while getting to know someone and in that "Talking" phase...."Are you talking/dating anyone else" *insert thunder and horror music*.

I'm currently pursuing a woman at a distance who happens to be older than me...and I refuse to ask her the big question right now. Why you say?

1, Most times older women feel they have needs that have to be fulfilled. And i don't want to hear the news that she is seeing someone or even further.

2, If she answers that she's messing with other guys....that means I will have this vision in my head of guy X....and every man in the world hates guy X. He's the guy we think is having sex with our girl or female we really care for.

3, If she's not seeing anyone, does that mean I shouldn't try to talk to other females? That's a big decision to make at my age and with a distance.

 4, Most importantly, we just started getting to know one another. That's a question you ask when things are getting pretty serious. And its not at that point as yet....but I do like her. She's very much what I would want in a woman at my side.

 So maybe I'm over-thinking, or maybe I'm right on the dot. Either way...I hope to continue getting to know her. And definitely want to see where things go. BUT.....not asking about her other ventures until serious times are upon us lol. Wish me luck. No man wants to ask too early, come on too strong, or even start something he isn't ready for.

How Much Further?: Never Saw This Coming

Recently I've made a decision to put my efforts into attending University of Michigan for my masters. Now this is a big thing for me. I don't think its a big deal with people that went/go to University of Michigan, and definitely not something big for people that already live in Michigan (because MSU and UofM are like the schools you just go to here)......but for me...its EVERYTHING. You have to remember who this is coming from. I'm a person that didn't even hear of University of Michigan until I was already in college. Didn't think about going to a division one school until I already graduated college. Yes, the college I graduated from was Division 1, but it was Division 1AA, which is different. Now I am putting forward my efforts for a school that has a huge amount of history, tradition, and a BIG name. Guys like me don't think about going to a school like Michigan. Guys like me dream about just going to college and graduating. NONE of who I am today is who I was years  ago. Before I was only about graduating and having a good job. NOW....I'm about progressing and being as successful as possible.

But wait...you ask what kind of Guy am I exactly?? Well I'm a guy that grew up in the projects with a small vision. You could tell me "the sky's the limit" and I am going to say it to myself, but end of the day I didn't see that. The people around me were all poor. The successful people were the people NOT in the projects. Not that they lived well, but they didn't live in the projects. So that was my dream....not living in the projects anymore. You have a guy coming from a household where his mother was a nursing aid working two jobs. Sometimes waking up at 5:20am (Exactly!), to go outside and wait for the bus (3 buses to be exact), work with old people all day.....get off at 3pm, then run to a second job where she didn't get off until 11pm, and had to walk home in the dark through the projects and the streets. Then my father.....he was a janitor at a kid's community center. So yeah...I had hard working parents.....but I was still a Product of My Environment. And its not easy telling someone that feels trapped in his community with no money to see the outside world that he can go to a Division 1 school....when he doesn't even know what a Division 1 school is....or a division for that matter. Never heard of Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Never had a job pay more than minimum wage much less a benefits package. Coming from a neighborhood where there were 2 police stations within a block and police mobile stations on my block. Just a place where the people I considered rich were my aunt and uncle, that had a house. But why were they rich to me? Because they had food they could get up and go eat at any time. They weren't ducking on the ground to bullets outside their window. Not having mice run over their feet as they watched tv. And especially since they weren't woken up by roaches crawling them at night. So yeah.....that is what kind of guy I'm talking about.

So that's what I am saying. That a boy that saw his parents work hard for everything they ever had....that pictured his life still being in the hood...BUT outside of the projects..........So when I say I'm going to the University of Michigan....its not just a big deal to him........its a big deal to everyone that knows hims.

In 2005, months before I started college...my friends and I were in an apartment just having a good time and they were drinking. Even though they were tipsy and some drunk, they told me they were proud and that I was the only one capable of making it out the projects and surviving. So on my school book bag with white out I wrote:  "All Eyes On Me". People that didn't know me would talk behind my back (females especially) and laugh at this as if I didn't hear them. They thought it was me being cocky. Honestly....its a feeling then that I never lost....that I'm the one that made it out the projects and I have everyone still there watching me now and hoping I make them proud still. So as I feel like crying through all the things I've seen and hold back tears that need not to come out.....I announce....one more time.....that I'm aiming for University of Michigan!

Its A Place Known By Many....But A Place I Called Home

No You Can't See Through The Wall: True Blessings

This is a response to people that may get my post before confused:
Understand Where You Stand - My Support.

Some people look at the end and say its luck. Some look at the now and swear things were just handed to me. Others feel jealousy for what they weren't "given". Then there are those that see everything as a challenge. I'm one of the people that sees things as a challenge. I see everything as motivation. Things that will propel me or make me fight harder. Why have I been like this my whole life? Because I came up poor and my family had too much pride.

My mother looked at me when I got the job that I currently have.....and she called it luck. I can't remember the last time I wanted to fight my own mother lol. Nothing I have is luck. Everything I have....I worked hard to get it, with let downs and sacrifices. How did I get this job? Starts from my college days. 1st college, I worked full time while enrolled full time, but a miscommunication between a professor led to a failing grade which she was not able to take off. So the school I had planned on transferring to and dreamed about since middle school (Stony Brook), I was not able to attend. Transferred to Farmingdale State College because of financial problems and worked another job with full time hours while enrolled in school full time. After bad grades and a need to leave Long Island came.....I went to Univ at Albany.....*insert groovy music*

When at Farmingdale, I took 2 programming classes. First one....I got a C. Second one....I dropped. So here I was at UAlbany taking one...and what happens....I get a B+ (I never went to class, so that cut my grade from a A+). I asked the professor to take me on and tell me what I should be doing....he did and even better he allowed me to teach the course the very next semester. When that semester came...an email went out asking for a teaching assistant for a software class I never took and didn't know how to do....so what did I do? I told him to give me a book and trust me lol. I leapfrogged the entire class mid semester in order to teach them for the rest of the semester. Having this skill and language now on my resume, I won an internship with Computer Sciences Corporation (a company bigger than most people will ever know) for the summer. Worked full time while being a full time student that summer also. But passed everything with a 3.33 gpa for the summer semester.

Fall semester....more teaching lol. Took on teaching robots and more languages while taking 6 classes (3 of which were core). Spring semester...took 7 classes (one of which being a thesis and 3 of them being core classes), taught 2 (one of which I had to learn on the spot), studied and tested out of 2 courses so I could graduate on time (calculus 2 and 3), tutoring students and mentoring African American students in my department, being involved in events for my group (MSA ~ Muslim Student Association), while job hunting (being turned down by multiple companies) and maintaining a relationship (which was long distance). In other words.....I woke up...went to my PC every morning and began work....no real going out....and no real socializing, but was able to still see my friends and play video games with them. So you see why I don't like anyone calling my achievements...."Luck".

If you want to go before my college days and talk about me eating just rice and butter for dinner, we could. Lunch being just a slice of bologna with no bread....or we can talk about sandwiches consisting of bread and pancake syrup. My wardrobe being full of hand downs from my brother and extended family. Better yet, how about we discuss the beatings I would get from my parents for answering their math or reading questions wrong. Not being allowed to eat until you figure out how to read something given to you. Or the constant beating myself down (figuratively and literally) for not being a better student and smarter person. Slapping myself at night when alone because I couldn't solve a math problem. Then we can talk about how hard I worked in high school outside of the curriculum. Being on the Chemistry Olympiad team, going to teachers and asking for more work so my skills would grow. People think I'm some insanely smart person. NO!!!! I just have a special way of seeing problems and I work hard enough with what I was given. So I am blessed to be where I am. And blessed to have what I have.

Sidenote: My family and I have never been on ANY form of assistance whatsoever. My family is too proud to accept any gov't assistance. Whatever we didn't have.....we didn't have. End of story.

So Dont You Dare Call My Hard Work And Blessing "Luck"

The Exit Is On Your Left: They Think Its A Fact

Every say..*pause*....10 seconds...another female bashes guy somewhere or somehow. She talks about the easy usual (broke, no car, no job, saying something she didn't like, penis being small or sex being bad) and an onslaught of other things that she feels guys do only....then if you tell her females do it also...she will make a reason for it being ok.

You: "Hey, heard you and Damon broke up last month."
Her: "Yeah, guys are just all cheaters."
You: "What about females? They cheat."
Her: "Females only cheat if you're doing something wrong and she's missing something"

OR

(We're both at the bus stop)
You: "Hello, how you doing."
Her: "Excuse you, I don't date no broke n***a taking the bus."
......but she riding the bus -__-


This is far from every female, but every female has bashed a guy in some way, shape, or form. And I bet some of you will scream "No, not so" or "That's only the females you talk to". But face it.....females bash guys. Whether right now or in the past. No one was born with a great mindset, you work towards that. You either bashed a guy for being broke, jobless, or not fitting the criteria that you want him to fit. I was broke at some point. I was jobless at some point. I have rode the bus for the majority of my life. I don't have the tattoos that females are going crazy over. I don't wear the chains and "ice" the others want to see from me in a club or something. But end of the day....the fact of the matter is that I'm still the person I am. You can clown guys for what they have or done have. You can demean guys for what they have done in the part.....even though it was really just the couple guys you messed with but want to put on all men. "Men aint sh*t"......."All guys are the same".....blah blah blah. Guys are made to take punches, roll with it, and keep moving on. If you females met guys with half the issues you keep around from past relationships....you would get on him. But then some of you will go and say you don't have baggage......chances are....if you're over the age of 13.....and have dated before.....you have some baggage. Read the latest updates about the 11 year old that was raped.....and as they demeaned her character.....they brought up the things she said on her Facebook...:

...The 11-year-old tells whomever she befriends that she's aware people have probably heard about her, but she doesn't care what they think.
"If you dislike me, deal with it," she wrote.
Sometimes she comes across like a little girl, such as when she talks of her special talent for making "weird sound effects" and "running in circles" to overcome nervousness.
But she also makes flamboyant statements about drinking, smoking and sex. Yet her vulnerability pokes through the tough veneer as she tells of "being hurt many times," where she "settled for less" and "let people take advantage" and "walk all over" her. She vows to learn from her mistakes. ~ 'Media Blows It With Pathetic Gang Rape Coverage' By Margaret Hartmann

No matter what her bad actions were....she's 11 with baggage (I'm speaking only before the rape issue). It happens when you're a female, and you're SORTA allowed to keep it. But sometimes its the females with the most baggage that do the most bashing. Other times its the females that just think they are God's gift to the world.......in other words the confused females lol.

But what is this crazy rant all about?? Females.......stop bashing. Stop trying to put down guys. If you're going to do that:
1, Dont be in the same situation he is in. Don't be broke or riding the bus.....and get on him for being broke and riding the bus.
2, If you are going to laugh at a man coming to you and you not "feeling" the way he is doing it.....why not stop him and tell him what you would want?? (Sidenote: A gay guy approached me the other day to "talk" to me, I didn't disrespect him, I didn't do anything crazy.....I held a mature conversation with him and moved on. I'm not gay...but there are ways to handle things)
3, Guys from your past cheated on you.....not saying get over it (even though you should), but don't get on all guys because of the few you dated.


Plus......people that go out of their way to demean, disrespect, or laugh at others to humiliate them.....are pathetic. Sometimes writing it out (even if its in your head) and reading what you are about to say.....will help you in the end.

Understand Where You Stand: My Support System

I advocate everyone to get a supporting cast. Whether they are all on your level or better than you. But get a team. Someone to be in your corner at all times and have internal competitions with. I love my team and my family. They help me so much....mostly in ways they don't even know about.

My Team
Made up of 5 other guys that I met and grew up with from high school. We all kept in contact, most of which has been through Facebook and by phone. I don't remember the official start of my team, but very happy at how things turned out for us. Titus, is a Project Manager at CBS and handles all new shows and pilots. Brennan has his degree in Criminal Justice from RIT and shipping off to the Air Force in the next two months. Branden is a father of two and working as an Electrician in Manhattan/Queens. Ilbert, the latest addition, has his degree and going for another in Graphic Design at FIT, a brother of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc., doing freelance graphics for companies and currently interning with a company in Manhattan. Michael, he's finishing up his degree in Accounting/Economics at Univ of Buffalo and working at HSBC handling the bills and claims processed by his sector. And me.....I'm just me lol. No worries about that. But I love those guys. They give me the much needed competition and reminders I need that success is not given, but earned.


My Family
My sister is cut throat. She will be the first to tell you about yourself. She will bite her tongue for no one. Man....Woman....Groups of people....officials....my sister will not back down from you....even though she's just 5'5 or something lol. But I love that about her. She has multiple degrees in the field of biology and working as a study coordinator for cancer research at a well known hospital in New York City. My brother also has multiple degrees in Sociology and Radiology (which he tried to convince me to get into). He's a hustler and a hard working man. He took me under his wing growing up and was a father to me. Taught me most of the lessons I know today....even the ones I had to burn my hand to have it really set in. But he's a radiologist at another well known hospital in New York City. My eldest sibling....I didn't fully grow up with him since he wasn't always around. But he is one of the smartest people I know.....wait.....correction...he is the smartest person I know lol. He told me many things growing up that I didn't want to listen to because we are in separate generations, but as time went on....I learned how much I should have listened and learned. The great thing is....I have him in my life to help me grow in my career and with my financial decisions in life. He has about four degrees. A degree from college in Jamaica (our home country and where we were all born), two degrees in Industrial Engineering, and his MBA. So of course he went from being an engineer and working for top companies to landing in Oregon. I don't know when...since it was news to me....but he went and converted over to the field of marketing. I respect it completely and wish him the best. I definitely want my finances like his though. I even finally told him of a internal competition I have with him. Basically....I want to start making 6 figures before he did it. My aim....when I'm 30. Wish me luck. 

And don't be confused, everyone in this picture has angered me in some way shape or form, but the main point is that they stuck by me and I stuck by them. My Team and My Family........it shouldn't make you feel any other way than angry. Why anger? Either because you don't have a support system like mine and you feel you need to beat me out.....OR....you feel yours is better and feel you need to put me even further behind you in the race to success and just shut me up. You choose. But I'm just here to inspire.

Do You Really Want To Make That Turn: The Single Mothers Story

No....no....no....this is not going to be about how much anger I have for single mothers. I actually have a lot of admiration for the single mothers THAT ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. Its a tough job being a parent much less a single one. I know there is a lot of self conflict that can come up with a child for not having a mother or father in their life, but for the people that are out there doing it, doing it right, and then on top of that not leaving the child with any internal scars.....thank you. I love seeing people battle against statistics and "Rules" to be a standout. Great job to you guys.

What this is about though is my thoughts on dating a single mother. The Good.....The Bad.....and The Ugly. That's what I think of it. I mean come on now, I am 23 and would like to meet a good young woman, but so many of the females I am seeing have kids already. Nothing wrong with making the decision to have a child. Children are blessings. Thank you for giving life and doing what God wanted you to do (BUT ONLY THE GOOD MOTHERS). But there is a lot that comes with that child and I have met a lot of single mothers that are holding up the true title of Woman...while handling their business as a mother.....BUT are single at the end of the day. Maybe its because some guys feel the way I do. How do I feel? Well let me share....

The Good

From the females that I have met, they are ready to settle down and have a full family together. Why do they make this decision? I guess because they still want that FULL family feel. Which I can't blame. We all want that at the end of the day. You hear females scream that they can be a single parent and be set for life.....that's her really screaming....I'm angry I dont have the father her....but she wants a good man in the picture. So if a guy is ready to start a family (this one is instant family), be a part of one....or even find a woman that has the traits he would want the mother of his kids to have (which she should have by now as a mother already) then its great for him.

The Bad

A lot of things can just not be right. The kids might not like the guy. The friends might feel a strong connection with the situation the woman is in and might not approve of the guy period. The man might not want to take on such responsibilities as yet in his life. He could want to start his own family instead of jumping into one already up and running. The concepts and situations with this situation can be bad in many ways.

The Ugly: My opinion on the matter when it comes to me in that situation

Unless there are certain things covered....I refuse to be in that situation. One of the more important....how much is the father of the kids in the life. Lets be real about this....having a child together is a life long connection. No matter what happens with the child or the relationship between the two partners. And a lot of the time.....when a person has a child with someone else....they feel as if that person still kinda belongs to them. So the chance of them having sex even if they are not in a relationship is higher than if he was just some guy the female dated. If there is no sex, there is still the chance of drama. I stay away from drama. I'm too young to stress about anyone or anything. I like just living my life. Another issue for me...we are starting a relationship and getting to know one another....and a child just adds to the complication. The "Getting to know you period" is sensitive enough without any other factors. I rather not deal with that. And the last of the top issues I have with it....I don't want to have to deal with a child right now. Some females don't want you being a father figure anyways, but I would still have to be around the child some time. I love children, but not trying to have to deal with that in my life right now. Rather keep things simple and easy and see where it goes.

Hesitation Can Be The Best Move: Some Clearity

A lot of what I say can be taken the wrong way...and been wanting to clear a couple things up.

1. I know a lot of older women that are great women, are single, and in search of that husband type now. I don't want what I said about older women going after the bad guys, then turning around and wanting the good guy to be confused. There are groups of both categories.

2. A friend of mine who has two kids from an a**hole got mad at me when I posted something...saying she didn't want a good guy to come along (even though she does now want a good guy) and be a father figure to her kids. Yet the thing she kinda missed out was that if a man is going to be in a serious relationship with you and you have kids....he should be interacting with the kids...he should be helping with things...he should be a figure in their lives. Not necessarily a father....but someone. And all of this should be happening before the marriage would come (which is not her belief).

3. I said I'm going to stop respecting all females because its not worth it and a bunch of other things. Though I wont be catering to and respecting all females that can not be called Ladies or Women....does not mean I will disrespect them either. There is a difference between not having respect for someone and mistreating them in any way. Lord knows if someone did wrong to my sister I would find them and stomp them. But someone not liking her....I have no problem with that.

4. I grew up tough and poor....but I love it. I'm happy I wasn't given things or pampered. I always smile knowing I could look around my apartment and know that every single thing...my hard earned money paid for it. I have nothing against people that had it is...but I think we all should have a little struggle at least to build character.

5. I have made tons of mistakes in my life. Please do not think I am perfect. I am not perfect by a long shot. But all of those things I have learned from and move forward from. I remember stealing so much growing up that no one in my family or my extended family trusted me. Main targets: school and family members really. Even remember having 3 or 4 girlfriends in high school at one time lol. So please....don't think I'm some angel. I'm a changed man....but we all have done some kind of dirt.